Page 41 of A Touch of Stars and Stones (Kirrian #1)

twenty-three

. . .

Aten

S hit, shit shit!

Pain overwhelms me.

Images, thoughts, emotions, visions… they all invade my mind, storming past any control or shield I may have had, showing me glimpses of my past, maybe pictures from Ever’s mind, and other flashes that I don’t have the control or the power to sift through and understand.

All I know is that I feel every single one of them.

Agony, confusion, heat, and desire… they all mix together, rendering me trapped and surrounded with pain so thick, there’s no way out.

I cling to the words that Kamari said—that our mind is our strength—but right now, I’ve never felt weaker.

And when I reach for Ever’s face, terror and pain shoot through me, worse than any blade or arrow. I feel as though she’s looked right at me and decided to split my skull with just a smile.

“Ever…” My knees go weak, and one buckles, dropping to the ground. But I don’t release my grip on Ever’s hand.

This is far worse than when I’ve taken her hand before. That was bearable. Something to endure because she needed my strength. But darkness overwhelms me now, and I feel like she’s plunged me into a pit of despair, the deepest ocean, the darkest night.

I don’t know how to defend against this. And I’m confident Ever doesn’t realise she’s even doing it or knows what she’s doing to me.

Our hands burn where they remain connected as if knitting, welding together through touch. Then I sense something in the back of my mind, like a dull ache, or an itch I can’t scratch, an awareness of something. It’s distracting.

And then it lessens, pulling away, and I can breathe, the band around my chest easing. The pain morphing into something else.

I open my eyes, not realising I’d closed them, and look up to Ever. But I don’t see her. Inky darkness engulfs us, shrouding us. Not shadows, not fog or mist, but more like she’s consumed all the light and plunged us into black. Nothingness.

“Ever, look at me. Hear my voice. I’m fine.

Let go,” I implore, even though I can’t see her.

My grip on her hand is still tight, melding our fingers together.

“ Let go .” I shove the thought this time, not speaking it, but shouting it in my head and doing everything I can to try and make her hear me.

The pressure on my hand releases, and the heat disappears, but I instantly miss it, even with the pain.

But the darkness is dissipating too, falling to the floor and dissolving through the ground. And that’s when I see Ravi’s hand pulling away from her shoulder.

Shit.

Maybe it was some kind of mist or fog, if that was an Elemental’s influence.

The room erupts into questions and chatter as we all come back into focus, and Rowan stalks into view with Aurelia and Perrin.

As I stand, I scan over Ever, who’s turned ghostly white, and those eyes are void of colour again, filled with a shadow. Shit.

“Ten.” Crimson’s hand reaches for my shoulder, concern in her voice, but I shrug away from her touch, focusing my attention back on Ever.

“Ever. Come on. Say something.”

“Did I… did I hurt you?” Her voice cracks, and she swallows before catching her breath.

“No. I’m okay.” It isn’t a lie. Physically, I’m fine.

“I didn’t know what I was doing. It wasn’t like with Ascella. All I could feel was the heat that we usually feel when we touch. No visions or flashes... And then…”

I’d touched her cheek, and all that control had vanished.

Battles and blood, and death and green forests and black mountains and cold stone hurtled through my mind, but also my body. As if the images I saw were real, and my body experienced them too, before Ravi decided to step in.

He was the irritation I could feel in my mind, maybe. The disruption.

My eyes flick over her shoulder to see him looking a little pale and talking with Aurelia.

He’s still standing, anyway. What the fuck was he thinking?

“This is training, that’s all.” I force every ounce of casualness into my voice and hope that she sees my smile is genuine. My gut tells me to reach for her hand, but my fingers quiver and my fist balls instead.

“Well—” Rowan starts.

“Did I miss the session, the training, when you told us how to use our powers?” Ever hisses at Rowan.

“What am I meant to do when I connect with someone? Because so far, it feels like you’re leaving it up to chance, and I have no fucking idea what to do, or how to control it.

” She levels the accusation, her own wrath simmering.

“That’s what these?—”

“No.” She cuts him off again. “You haven’t told me shit.

You haven’t taught me. And I’m not going to play this game anymore.

How do I push my power? How do I control it?

Use it, even, instead of letting it just take over?

So far, none of you has told me anything useful, only…

” She doesn’t finish the sentence, and my eyes study her as if she might share the information through our minds, the way she did the other night.

Although, as I think it, was it my power or hers that allowed me to do that?

“She has a point.” Micah steps up, backing her.

“It’s not like there is another Fifth to ask,” Aurelia chastises him, her tone sharp.

“But, perhaps some of those gifts are similar to a Guard’s.

And your mind needs to practice defensively as well as for control.

” She continues to glide around the room as if this is all just coming to her now.

Surely, they would have been preparing for how to train not just us, but Ever, as soon as her Transference confirmed what her power was.

Maybe not.

My mind starts to whirl in a hundred different directions as if seeing possibilities and envisioning the outcomes of multiple actions sliding on top of one another and calculating the results.

Maybe I should be training my gift harder because that’s an instinct I can trust and one that comes naturally, like breathing. I don’t even have to think, and my mind hurtles down a track, answering the questions I don’t even know are in my head.

“Train me, then. Don’t just use me as an experiment,” Ever pleads.

At her words, I reach my mind towards her, trying to bend my power and feel for her emotions. Desperation hits back at me, so all encompassing, so vital, I have to clench my jaw and grind my teeth against it.

Rowan looks at Aurelia before answering Ever. “Fine. You, on top of the regular training schedule we have for you all, will seek out Kamari for lessons. If, after the first trial, you need more assistance in learning, you can seek help from the other Orders.”

“And when will the first Trial be?” I almost don’t want to know. Almost.

“Two days following the Grain Moon.”

“That’s only a few weeks away,” I protest.

“And it will not change. We have conceded far too much already,” Rowan proclaims.

I want to rage at him, argue, and know it’s my father’s anger—the latent Warrior in me fighting, heightened, maybe, if the texts we studied this morning are to be believed.

Emotions can be a weakness for Guards.

“I would ask Azur to take his place with Ever. But, after her protests…” Rowan looks to her, expectation levelled in his glare. He’s giving her the choice, at least.

Azur is the only other Guard, and from what I can remember, he’s always been a Guard. And I can’t help but wonder what his ability is. He will have a natural advantage from knowing his magic his whole life.

I reach out, like I did with Ever, looking for any clue of emotion from him, but there’s nothing, at least that I can feel.

I try harder, push further and look to find a way through the barrier that feels like a brick wall, when I’m struck with a vision of Ever, like I’m seeing her through his eyes.

Instantly, I want to barge into him, tear his gaze away from her and block her from him like she might be in danger.

Then realise this is all in my head.

A subtle twitch from Azur’s mouth is all I see on his face.

What the zuns?

Did he manipulate me?

My focus lands back on Ever, and in contrast to what just happened, there’s a storm of feeling coming from her.

Not just the few thoughts that she communicated.

This is a wave of emotions, and none give me a clue as to what she’ll say—if she’ll risk another experiment, as she calls them.

And I realise I’m not sure what I want her to do, either.

Fight or run.

“It’s Azur’s choice,” she proclaims. Her eyes dart to mine, and I track her as she looks at Ravi, who’s now standing in the corner of the room.

Nobody else speaks, but the collective weight of everyone’s eyes swings to Azur, watching for his decision. Waiting.

“Let’s do this,” Azur answers.

Instantly, I want to pull him away from her, to stop this from happening, just like that feeling a moment ago.

Irrationally, my feelings towards Ever are far more intense than I understand. I don’t know her, but I’m drawn to her, not just in a physical way.

I want to fight for her.

I want her to fight.

I nod as her eyes find mine again and watch as she moves towards Azur, rolling her shoulders a little as if throwing off the tension.

“I don’t know you very well, but can I trust you to drop our touch if it’s needed?” Her voice is calm as she asks Azur.

Her eyes slide to mine, and I’m hit with a pulse of guilt at keeping our connection longer than I should.

He nods, and I curse not learning every facet of every other trainee in this place before now.

And we all watch.

Hands meet.

A weird beat of energy radiates across the room, but I wonder if it’s only me who senses it, as nobody else seems to react.

Azur’s stance shifts a few inches, but Ever’s eyes fix on his face. Her breathing is steady. She’s calm. My gut wants to check with my power, but I don’t want to risk distracting her.

No darkness. No rain. No commentary from either.

I inch forward to watch Azur’s face and wonder if he’s trapped in a mental prison of visions like I was. But his face looks calm. Just as calm as Ever’s.