Page 56 of A Touch of Stars and Stones (Kirrian #1)

“My parents?” I turn in his arms and look up at him.

Parents.

“How? What did he say? Are they here?” The questions swamp me as the words set my mind racing into a future I have never thought about. But then, as his lips don’t move and he stays quiet, hurt chases up my spine and clouds my heart. I pull back out of his embrace and wait for him to answer.

“I don’t know any of the details, but he didn’t deny knowing one or maybe both. And he’s not telling me everything. It might be just him, or it might be all the members of the Orders.”

“So, really, you don’t know. You just think?” My words taste bitter on my tongue.

When I was little, I waited for Lyle to mention anything about who my parents were and if she knew them or not. But then, the idea slipped away, replaced with the love and care that she gave freely, and I was happy. I didn’t need to know because I had her.

But with the revelations over the past few weeks, that question has come back like a dormant and dusty book, waiting to be opened in my mind.

And now Ten has. He’s cracked the spine and turned the first page.

“I don’t want to keep anything from you. You’ve been in the dark about so much. You’ve already faced so much, and I won’t be a part of that. Especially not now.”

“I want to speak to your father. Or someone. They might be here, in Kirrasia.” I stand and take another step away from Ten. He’s suspected something for days. “Why didn’t you tell me that your father knows them? Why didn’t you tell me straight away?”

“He didn’t say that. He didn’t answer my outright question, which means he couldn’t without lying. So, it’s my suspicion. And I’ve been busy trying to protect you. Find you some time to prepare, give you training.”

“And knowing who my parents are wouldn’t help that?”

“You have so much to learn. You’ve scratched the surface in class, but there’s a reason my father is being the way he is. He’s calculating and manipulative and punishing as zuns, but behind all of that, he was afraid. My father. I want to find out why.”

“And you getting to the bottom of your little mystery is more important than telling me that my parents might be here? That he might know them?”

“I’m telling you now, but that’s just it.

There’s nothing to really tell. Except they knew you were a Fifth.

And I would bet there’s more they’re keeping from you.

They could have thrown you into training and made sure you were more prepared.

It’s like they want you to fail. Or never understand what you’re capable of. Why?”

“I don’t know!” I shout at him. “After everything that’s been kept from me, what Lyle kept from me, now you—” My voice quivers.

“I hate this. I promised to help, and I am, but I’ve wanted to give you something concrete. And things between us have been… intense. It’s not a big conspiracy, which I’m hiding from you.” He pauses. “Please, Ever.”

“Please, what?”

“Don’t look at me like I’ve just broken something precious.”

My finger rubs over the ring on my finger, the metal warm from wear and familiar because I can’t remember not wearing it—nothing like the cold stone still sitting at the base of my throat.

He has broken something. That strand of trust between us, one of only a few that’s been coaxed from me since arriving, and now I know why he was so urgent to help me. His father. The information he had and the gaps he needed to fill. He chose not to share.

My eyes are heavy to rise to meet his. “You have. Even if your intentions were good, and you wanted to do it for all the right reasons, surely you see that keeping this from me, even for a few days, makes you just like them.” My eyes burn, but the anger keeps the tears at bay.

I walk past him and follow our steps back around the rock and the clearing and take the path back.

“Ever, wait. Please.”

“No. Let me just… let me have some time.” I splay my hands at my sides, willing him to listen and back up.

I need time to pull my heart back together. Because that’s what he’s broken. He’s taken me from the highest of highs to a crumbling foundation in a matter of moments, and the very seams holding me together feel weak as a result.

“Did you wait until today to tell me so I wouldn’t have any power?” I check.

“No. Of course not. I wanted to tell you because I don’t want there to be anything between us. Not now.”

The rushing isn’t just from the water hurtling down the mountain. It’s in my ears as blood fills them.

Anger flashes at the way he says it, like now is more important than before.

Secrets. Lies. Maybe that’s just what happens here. People lie. They keep their power hidden from everyone.

I start walking back down the path. Of course, it’s a lot harder now that it’s dark, and the bruises and strains from earlier in training decide to flare back to life.

“Let me help. You’ll trip.” He reaches for my hand, but I yank it from him.

“I won’t. I’m fine. I’ll be fine on my own.” I have to be.

“You’re not on your own. That’s what all of this has been about. And we can work on the rest together. You’re not on your own, Ever. You’ll never be alone,” he grits the last words out.

“Until the next time someone decides not to tell me the whole truth. It might just be a suspicion to you, but it’s more than anyone else has or thought to include me in.

And you kept it from me. Just let me have some space.

” This is not how I thought I’d be ending this day.

“Tomorrow, you’re showing me your memory of that conversation.

I want to know what you said and what he said in return. ”

“Ever, I’ve told you…”

“No. And before you say we don’t know if we can do that, we’ll use this as training.” My emotions rise, simmering, but it’s the anger I feel ruling over my hurt.

I don’t give him the chance to protest or myself time to back down.

Praying my boots are sure, I pick up my pace down the path and head back towards The Court.

As I approach, the sounds of life and fun are louder than before, inviting sounds of people enjoying their night and partaking in the evening’s revelry.

I don’t take the path back towards the training residence, but instead, go looking for a friend.

The stables aren’t far, and I remember the way from when Ten took me. It’s a little quieter here, but I can see a stable hand barrowing hay between the stalls as I approach. He looks to be in a hurry.

As he turns down behind the wooden stable, I slip in and look for Nettle.

He whinnies and shakes his head a few times as if greeting me. It’s just a thought, but I lean my hand over the gate and let him come up to sniff me, and this time, he seems to have no problem with my touch, even nuzzling against my hand for an extra scratch.

“Did you know? That’s why we didn’t get on, right? You could feel it?” I speak to him as if he’ll answer. He just stands and lets me stroke the velvety soft coat above his nose, between his eyes.

“Hey!” The stable boy shouts as if I’m committing a crime by stroking Nettle.

I turn to him. “Hello.” He looks me over, and all his bluster fizzles. “I’m just saying hello to Nettle.”

He doesn’t tell me not to, so I continue. “Would you mind if I took him for a walk?” Nettle neighs in response as if he agrees with the idea. “Not for long.”

“He’s not saddled, Miss.”

“It won’t take long, though? I’ll help if you tell me what to do.” I bat my eyes a few times. There was no way I could ride a horse with no saddle. I can barely accomplish it with one.

The boy’s forehead wrinkles.

“Please. It’s the only time I have. He doesn’t like it on any other night.”

“The new moon?” As if he needs me to clarify. I nod. “Fine. But be quick. I’m late already.” He looks a few years younger than me, and I wonder what Order he is part of.

He walks into a room next to one of the stalls and starts bringing out all the straps of leather and other items to get Nettle ready.

He opens the door, and Nettle gently moves to accommodate the boy, as if he knows and is cooperating.

Only a few minutes later, his saddle is fitted, and the boy hands me the reins.

“You do know how to ride him?”

“Of course.” It isn’t a lie. I do know. I’m just not very good at it. “I’m fine. Thank you. If I can offer a favour in return one day, it’s yours.”

My toe finds the stirrup, and I haul myself up onto Nettle, regretting it immediately, as pain screams from my ribs and shoulder.

But Nettle stays settled, aiding my ungainly mount. He was never like this on the journey here, and somehow, I know that I won’t have any of the frustrations and problems I did all those weeks ago.

“Go,” I whisper, and Nettle obeys.

He navigates out of the stables and heads down, right towards the bridge.

Panic seizes me, but then I remember that they won’t be able to stop me, not tonight. There is no power, although as we get closer, they can easily stand and block our path.

The urge to flee crashes over me as Nettle walks on towards the crossing, but that would be stupid.

I have no supplies and don’t know the way.

But it’s there. That small tug to run, to see Lyle again and demand she tell me everything, and truthfully, this time.

Did she know? Did she lie about them? Were my parents Kirrian, and are they even alive?

My mind dances through questions and arrives at one solid thought.

“I need you to go a little faster because I don’t want to get caught,” I say to Nettle and brush my heels against his flank.

He jumps into action, maybe a little too energetically, but I hold on as he trots and then transitions into a canter as we head for the bridge.

There are more guards tonight, and I wonder if it’s because of the lack of magic and the need to keep the peace. I ignore their shouts to stop, and keep going, trusting that Nettle will too, and with only feet to spare, they jump out of the way as they realise we aren’t stopping.

“Good boy, keep going. Don’t stop. Please, don’t stop.”

He clears the bridge as he breaks into a gallop, galvanised by the sight of all the space, which calls to him.

I tense, hoping my body will keep me in the saddle as Nettle races towards the dark. The edge of the forest is on one side of us, the stone wall of The Court on the other.

The wind whips at the stray strands of my hair, fluttering behind me as we approach the edge of the training rings, and still, we don’t stop.

With any luck, we can just keep going.