Page 34 of A Letter in the Wind (Mayhem and Scandal Collection #1)

Across town that evening, Elizabeth slipped into the pew after her aunt and uncle. They had convinced her to come to the evensong service. Her head pounded, and she had cried much of the day. What a fool she had been! What did she expect? Had she thought Darcy would immediately chase after her when she gave him no encouragement? She hardly knew what she wanted, but she knew it was unsafe for her to remain as Mrs Darcy in his house.

Unfortunately, she had not even told him why she fled . She had not mentioned his family ambushing her and their threats against the Bennets. Even if Darcy loved her as much as he said he did—which they had not time to prove—they were powerless to free them from his family.

She had felt stalwart in defending her marriage in the face of opposition. After Darcy’s relations left, she was left alone with her fears and had time to consider the weight of all they said. Then, Darcy came home and explained Lydia’s likely situation. The terrible truth descended upon Elizabeth. She could bring Darcy nothing but shame.

Now, after a night away from him and with calmer nerves, she saw things differently. The truth was she needed freeing from her family, too. Merely marrying and leaving the house did not erase the hurts of the past. It could not heal her wounds. She was so na?ve to think that loving and marrying the right sort of man would fix everything. A fear from the back of her mind surged forward. Her mother was correct. She was destined for a cursed life of misery.

Around her, parishioners raised their voices in songs of praise and worship. Elizabeth moved her mouth, but no sound came out. She had come to this church, known as Wesley’s Chapel, many times over the years. It was where Mr and Mrs Gardiner preferred to attend. As it was a mile from the house, they sometimes chose a closer church, especially in inclement weather.

Elizabeth was wise enough to understand that there would be humanity and sin where there were people. Surely, some of these people did not worship in Spirit and Truth. They merely went through the motions. As John Wesley had begun preaching nearly a century ago, the new sect called Methodism already had some families that had attended for generations.

Today, Elizabeth prayed that she would not join the throng of people who attended just out of tradition and for show, even if, at the moment, she struggled to have faith. She firmly believed that while routine could be comforting, faith should come from the heart. Worship should be more than mere custom.

This evening, though, a voice in her mind said that it was all pointless. There was no grace for her, and her life was pre-written before she was born. She took a deep breath. Did God really choose to love some people and hate others before they had even done a thing?

Although the Methodists were now a separate sect from Anglicanism, they continued to use the Book of Common Prayer. Therefore, the text the minister gave his sermon on was the same as what others around the countries would hear, including Darcy.

Elizabeth whispered a prayer. “Dear Lord, help us mend this breach. Heal my fears and hurts. Give me courage.”

The minister began with a familiar text. In the Book of Judges, they read about Deborah, the prophetess, Barak, and Jael. Deborah prophesied to Barak that he should go and attack the enemy. He was afraid, but Deborah said God would be with him and that even the king of the enemy would be killed that night by a woman. Jael’s husband was friends with the enemy king. While the king attempted to escape the battle, she invited him into her tent under the guise of safety. Then, she slew him by driving a tent stake into his head. In Second Corinthians 11, Paul wrote to the church at Corinth about their foolishness in accepting false ministers.

Truthfully, Elizabeth saw little correlation between the two passages. Her confusion increased as Mr Woodhouse incorporated the morning’s reading in Luke 8. Extraordinarily, as the sermon continued, Elizabeth became fascinated. He concluded by bringing the tracts together.

“Are you one that only believes because life becomes difficult?” Mr Woodhouse asked earnestly. “Do you stray and only return once the Lord draws you near through persecution and trial? I admonish you to emulate Deborah, the prophetess. Do not shirk your faith because there are enemies encamped about you. Proclaim the word of the Lord: He is with you.”

Elizabeth’s throat tightened. Was God really with her in these tribulations? It did not feel as though He was there when she had been tormented by her mother all her life.

Mr Woodhouse continued to preach. “Do not merely endure but fight! Fight for your spiritual victory! In this morning’s lesson, we read about the faith of Jairus and a woman whose doctors had failed. What did this woman do? She fought through the crowd. What did Jairus do? He approached the Master for his family’s needs. He worshipped first and came to Jesus with faith. With that, He did one of his greatest miracles, a testimony and foreshadowing of His own glorious resurrection.”

Fear gripped Elizabeth’s heart. She had done nothing but fight her whole life. Now, she had nothing to show for it and was exhausted. The minister’s words did not ring true to her experience. Her predicament seemed almost hopeless. Without reason, her attention was drawn to Mr Woodhouse again and again. Something within her told her to listen.

“Remember, too, Legion, from the morning’s reading.” Woodhouse held up a finger as he spoke. “Just before Jesus arrived on the coast to heal this man, he was in a boat with his disciples. They had awoken Him because they were afraid of the storm. Does it feel as though the Lord is slumbering while you are tossed about? Wake Him up! Then, watch what He will do. Jesus silenced the storm and performed three more miracles to teach His disciples about faith.”

Yes, Elizabeth feared God was asleep amid her storm. What could she do to wake Him?

Mr Woodhouse turned the pages in his Bible. “In Mark 6, we read that Legion was not just bound; the devils tormented him. They made him cut himself on the stones and made him cry aloud. But look! In verse 6, it is the same as Luke 8:28. When Legion saw Jesus, he fell before Him. Even Satan and his devils must bow before our Lord and Saviour.”

Elizabeth had never considered that before. She had always relied on her own abilities to fix problems.

Woodhouse flipped through his Bible again. “Now, in our passage in Second Corinthians, we read Paul admonishing the church for accepting a false Jesus—that means a false representation of Jesus Christ. Paul espoused them to Christ, and yet they left their husband. Paul explains that the Church had allowed themselves to be bonded with false ministry and understanding. In another place, he says that even Satan disguises himself as an angel of Light. Therefore, men may also deceive others. What, then, is the solution to their bondage?”

Elizabeth eagerly awaited Mr Woodhouse’s answer. What could free her from this prison?

“Jesus died on the cross to free us from all spiritual and physical bondage. The nail that pierced his hands and feet brought about our deliverance. We no longer need a nail in our hand to slay our enemy, as Jael needed. We have Jesus Christ, Saviour of the whole World.”

The minister looked out across the congregation, an expression of deep compassion on his face. “Some of you may have heard God hates you. You may have heard that God predestinates us to wrath and sin. That is a false teaching! Indeed, God knew us before the foundation of the World. He foreknew who would love and follow Him—even through storms and troubles—even when they needed more faith. But as John 6:44 says, ‘No man can come to me, except the Father which hath sent me draw him.’ Why did Jesus go to the coast of Gadara? God was drawing His child! What caused Jairus to go to Jesus? What made the woman with the blood issue press through the crowd? Was the city not full of people who needed healing?

“‘Whosoever will may come.’ But then, men can only come through God drawing them through the storms of their lives. Ladies and gentlemen, if you feel the prick of God in your heart and are in this church to learn of Him and desire to serve Him, you are already being drawn! Come! Come to Jesus!”

The rector openly cried as he gave his appeal. “It does not rest in anything we can offer or do. It is not about coming from a perfect and proud lineage. You do not need to have gifts or money. He only wants you. Only the blood of Jesus can cleanse, and it is through His grace alone that we have any desire to serve God. If you are already standing before the Christ in faith, bow down again.

“Jairus had a need, and he knelt before Jesus. The woman who touched the hem of His garment pressed through and touched Him, bowing when He called her out of the crowd. Even Legion fell and worshipped the Lord. Worship and believe. Return to your Husband, Church. God bless you.”

Elizabeth’s heart swelled as she sat in stunned disbelief. How could this minister take these seemingly unconnected scriptures and speak directly to her and her situation? That was not the work of a man. This was the answer to her prayers and healing for her heart.

She had heard false things all her life. God did not destine her to be her family’s curse. She was not doomed to disaster and unhappiness. Her mind went to Darcy. Just yesterday, she listened to another inaccurate report. Darcy’s family played on her fears that he would not love her because of things beyond her control, and she had accepted it.

Darcy was the sweetest, most honourable, most loving gentleman she had ever known. He feared and loved the Lord with all his heart. Human love may not be enough to overcome all the drawbacks that could come with their marriage—but she should not rely on mortal love alone. The same God who could perform miracles now dwelt in human flesh. He was more than enough. God made all things possible through His love. Divine love was enough—everlasting, faithful, true, and unending.

It was what she had always longed for. It was time to return to her husband and begin their marriage in truth.

“Forgive me for not believing. Thank you for your love,” she said in a quiet prayer.

As she returned to the house with her aunt and uncle, she considered what she ought to do. On the morrow, she would ask for a hack to Darcy’s house—to home. She said little to her relatives that evening, and they seemed to give her space to think. Elizabeth retired early and spent much of the night in prayer and thanksgiving.

The following morning, Elizabeth awoke with a start. She had been married for one entire week. She had promised to love Darcy and care for him in good times and bad, but at the first sign of trouble, she had run away. Two nights separated from him was enough for her to realise the severity of her error. She fervently prayed that he could forgive her. She knew she would not deserve it, but she hoped that he would.

She immediately dressed and gathered up the few belongings she had brought. She dashed down the stairs and met her aunt and uncle in the breakfast room.

“I know you have been worried about me,” she began before sitting down. “You have allowed me time to calm down and see the gravity of my mistake.”

“Perhaps if you told us why you have left Darcy,” Mrs Gardiner said. “Marriage is an adjustment, and the first few weeks and months can be very difficult—even if you love one another.” She slid her eyes to her husband.

Mr Gardiner chuckled. “Indeed! We squabbled worse than cats and dogs. Miriam wondered if she had made a giant mistake in marrying me but also could not even return to her home. But that does not bear repeating. We stuck it out. We learned to bend and compromise. We learned that love conquers a multitude of sins.”

Elizabeth smiled a little at their confessions. “I will tell you everything—but only after I speak to William. I have decided to return and plead for him to forgive me.”

“He is too besotted with you to refuse,” Mrs Gardiner said encouragingly.

“I hope you are correct—because I know I am so entirely in love with him that I would rather endure anything and any trial than live without him.” She took a deep breath as emotion had clogged her throat. “I will hire a hack and leave at once.”

After much negotiation about routes and if she should go alone, Elizabeth boarded the hired equipage, waving goodbye to her aunt and uncle. Unless Darcy delayed their departure for Pemberley, she would not see Mr and Mrs Gardiner again for several months.

“Where ye be goin’?” The driver asked her.

Elizabeth let out a breath. This defied all logic. It could not be this easy, but something gave her courage and compelled her. “Home. To Darcy House on Park Lane.”