Page 25 of A Letter in the Wind (Mayhem and Scandal Collection #1)

Darcy paced around his bedchamber in Longbourn. The house was loud and bursting with activity. Despite this, a small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. In a few minutes, he would be married to Elizabeth!

At some point, it had become his primary goal in life. He would not rest easy until the minister pronounced them husband and wife. He had been banished to his chamber by Mrs Bennet. She would not risk any possibility of his seeing Elizabeth before the wedding.

Anxiety clawed at him, and his stomach churned. He reassured himself that nothing could happen to prevent the wedding. His family had made their grievances known yesterday and then returned to London. Mr Bennet had given up his not-so-secret hopes of stopping the marriage. Most importantly of all, Elizabeth had held her ground. She declared to both of their families that she would marry him. He had been in awe of her strength and the sweet encouragement she gave him after the battle.

Darcy ran a shaking hand through his curly hair. Nothing would go wrong. Nothing could go wrong. He could not live without Elizabeth. Yesterday, he had nearly confessed his love to her. He would have gotten on his knees and pleaded with her to reciprocate or at least give him hope that she could love him someday if not for Jane’s interruption.

After everything he said about and did to Elizabeth’s family, he knew he did not deserve her love. Even if he had never tried to separate Bingley from Jane or had unintentionally created the circumstances that led to the gossip about them, he would have been unworthy of Elizabeth’s love. All he could offer in life was financial security. Regrettably, it would come at the cost of enduring his family’s hatred and society’s disapproval.

A few weeks ago, he thought he was better than others—better than most. He was respectable, intelligent, handsome, and wealthy. What more could any lady ask for? He could be as choosy as he wanted. He did not believe in romantic love and saw all emotions as folly or dangerous. Now, he lived just for a smile or sign of affection from a country miss reputed to be without fortune or connection.

No. He shook his head. His purpose in living was merely to love her. If she returned it, that would thrill him beyond measure, but he had no selfish motive. He did not love her with any expectation of its return. He would mean every word when he vowed to love, honour, and cherish her today. He understood few things in life, but he knew that Elizabeth was his to love and protect. He would do that until his dying breath, no matter what.

A knock at the door jolted him. Opening it, he came face to face with Mr Gardiner. “It is time to go to the church.”

He spoke without ceremony or enthusiasm. While Darcy gathered his hat and gloves, he silently gave thanks for the man’s company. He had not relished the idea of walking alone with Elizabeth’s father. The trio of men said nothing until just before they entered the church.

Mr Bennet grabbed Darcy’s arm. “Treat her well.”

Whatever dislike Darcy had for the man melted at the sad look in his eye. “I promise to treat her like the priceless treasure she is.

“I suppose you will not allow her to visit us frequently.”

“That depends entirely on you. I cannot allow her to be abused by your wife. Take that in hand.”

A villager passed them, looking askance at their delay.

“Now is not the time or place for this conversation,” Mr Gardiner said. “It is too late for this now, Thomas. Let him go.”

Darcy appreciated Elizabeth’s uncle and his good sense. He shook both men’s hands and then entered the church. He would wait with the rector until it was time to take his position up front. Richard, who had stayed the night at the Peach Tavern and Inn in Meryton, would serve as his best man. With military punctuality, he was already in the room.

“You have finally arrived!” Richard cried. “Before you ask, I saw Georgie and Mrs Annesley settled and waiting in the church. I talked with Bingley and its all settled. After you leave this afternoon, we will stay at Netherfield. I will escort Mrs Annesley to her daughter’s house and Georgie back to London. Bingley will, presumably, continue his courtship with Miss Bennet and charm the general vicinity.”

Darcy nodded his thanks.

“You were not getting cold feet, were you?” Richard teased as Darcy took a seat next to him.

“No.” He did not want to encourage his cousin’s antics.

“I suppose I should not ask a man in love that question.”

Darcy’s head snapped to look at him.

“It is obvious to me.” Richard shrugged. “Does she know?”

Darcy winced. “The only time we discussed love in marriage, I declared that I did not even believe in such a thing.”

“Why have you not told her?” Richard frowned. “I have not been in her company frequently, but she is kind and generous. Surely that would encourage her to reciprocate.”

“There is far too much to get into it all now. Elizabeth wished for a love match; I know she does not feel that way about me. She must be mourning what might have been.”

“Do you hear yourself?” Richard laughed. “Weeks ago, you would have declared that she was fortunate for your attention. You would never have been able to offer compassion for her situation.” He sobered for a moment, and then sudden understanding lit his eyes. “You did not get cold feet about the wedding itself; you are terrified to admit your true feelings.”

“Your ability to discern is more than a little annoying, Richard. It is hardly helpful at such a time.”

“Perhaps I may be of assistance if you could explain the source of your anxiety. You are not without charms. Husbands and wives commonly come to love one another after the marriage, even in our circle.”

“They also commonly begin to hate one another, as I had frequent proof.”

Richard gave Darcy a strange look. “Your parents’ trouble was hardly because love soured. Neither one was faithful, and your mother was unwell. She found comfort from pain in laudanum, and as she grew older, her behaviour became more erratic.”

“What are you saying?” Darcy asked, confused by this new image of his parents. He wished to deny it, but everything his cousin said fit his memories. His mother took a liquid medicine multiple times a day. He could now recognise that as probably laudanum.

Richard appeared bewildered. “I thought you knew why she was sent away. I apologise.”

A strange feeling spread through Darcy. His mother was not sent to an asylum merely for passionate feelings?

“It is time, sir,” the rector said from across the room as he stood.

Darcy and Richard followed him out of the door. Then, for the next ten minutes, Darcy tried to ignore the fact everyone stared at him. Soon enough, Elizabeth would be there, and all eyes would be upon his beautiful bride. After waiting for an eternity, Elizabeth appeared on Mr Bennet’s arm at the back of the church. Darcy’s breath hitched. They made their way to the front.

While the minister addressed the congregation about why God ordained marriage, Darcy noticed Elizabeth trembling and thought he heard her sniffle. He tried to give her a reassuring look without entirely ignoring the rector. She wore a veil before her face so he could not clearly make out her expression.

As the ceremony continued, unease filled him. He tried to glance around the church. Had his family returned to cause trouble after all? They made it through the opportunity for objections without impediment. As Mr Lincoln admonished Darcy and Elizabeth about the penalties for concealing anything, Darcy breathed a sigh of relief.

Mr Lincoln turned toward Darcy. “Fitzwilliam Darcy wilt thou—”

“Wait,” Elizabeth whispered.

Darcy immediately looked at her, but the minister continued.

“Wilt thou love her, comfort her, honour, and keep her, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all other, keep thee only unto her, so long as ye both shall live?”

Darcy opened his mouth to answer but Elizabeth raised her voice instead.

“Wait, please. Oh, please wait.” An anguished sob came from her. Her knees buckled.

“Elizabeth? Are you unwell?” Darcy stepped forward to support her.

“I must speak with you,” she said between uneven breaths.

Mr Lincoln addressed her. “Miss Bennet, do you have something to disclose that would affect the legality of this marriage?”

“I must speak with Mr Darcy.”

“Come this way,” the minister said. He directed them back to his office. Darcy offered Elizabeth his arm, and she leaned heavily on it.

“Lizzy?” Mrs Bennet cried. “What is happening? Mr Bennet, do something!”

The woman continued screeching while they made their way to the office. Once there, the minister frowned at them and opened his mouth. Darcy held up his hand. He would not allow the man to scold or lecture Elizabeth.

“Elizabeth, my love, what is wrong?” He settled her into a chair and knelt at her side, gathering her hands into his.

She glanced at Mr Lincoln. Darcy immediately understood her silent communication.

“May we have privacy, sir?”

“I cannot leave you alone!”

“Do you really think we would do something immoral in the house of God? If you refuse to leave us, then collect someone of use.”

“Her mother?”

Darcy’s face twisted, and Elizabeth vehemently shook her head. “No, not her. Mrs Gardiner.” He handed his bride a handkerchief.

When Mr Lincoln had left, Darcy turned his attention to her. “What has you so concerned and so secretive, darling? What could be worth interrupting our wedding? Do you continue to fear that I do not wish to wed you?”

She would not meet his eyes. “You will hate me forever.”

“Nonsense.” Declaring his love was on the tip of his tongue, but it was hardly the right time or place. “I could never hate you.” He stroked her cheek, wiping away a tear. She leaned into his touch.

Mr Lincoln returned with Mrs Gardiner in tow. “Thank you, sir. Yes, I will make sure all is well.” She shut the door on the minister. “Well, Lizzy, I do not know how long your uncle can prevent one or both of your parents from charging in here.” She finally turned around and took in the scene. “I will guard the door as Mr Darcy sees to you.”

Assured of privacy, Darcy returned his attention to Elizabeth. “It is no wonder you are overwrought. The last several days have been stressful, and you have endured so much.”

He waited patiently, hoping Elizabeth would come to herself. After a moment, she raised her head. Sad determination lit her eyes as she finally met his gaze.

“I must confess something to you. I should have told you from the beginning, but…” She shrugged. “It is no use giving excuses.”

“Dearest,” he stroked her hands with his thumbs. “You worry for nothing.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead. That caused Elizabeth to release a flood of fresh tears for some reason.

“I must say it now before I lose my nerve.” She took a deep breath as his lips lingered on her skin. Her voice was so quiet that he had to lower his ear to hear. “Lydia has run away. She eloped months ago, and we have not found her. When it is discovered that I have a ruined sister, the scandal will be enormous.”

Darcy’s stomach dropped to his knees, almost making him groan in pain. How had they concealed this? Why would she keep it from him? What had been done to recover Lydia?

Elizabeth pulled back from his touch. She looked up, searching his eyes as she continued to speak. Now that she had begun, all the tears stopped, but the look of inexpressible sadness remained. “The situation is even worse than that. I have learned enough about you to understand that you must have a good reason for hating Mr Wickham.”

Dread filled Darcy’s heart. It was not possible! How could his greatest enemy threaten his happiness again?

“I have reason to hate him too, now,” she said in a low voice. “Lydia left a note stating her plan to elope with him. We managed to hide her departure but have learned of Wickham’s disappearance from the Regiment. The best we can hope for is that they are married. Wickham would be your brother-in-law.”

Darcy closed his eyes. Hurt, pain, fear, despair, anger, betrayal, anguish… all churned inside him, vying for dominance.

“I release you—”

Love.

Love reared forth like a mighty champion over all the other emotions. Love would cover all this. Whatever it had meant that Elizabeth and her family hid this from him did not matter because he loved her. Where Darcy once would have considered it folly to sacrifice self-interest, all he could think about was alleviating her pain.

Elizabeth’s head hung low, and tears gushed from her eyes. He gently lifted her chin and framed her face with his large hands. He waited until she looked at him, confusion and unsaid questions in his eyes. “I have no wish to be released from our betrothal.”

“You do not?” She blinked slowly. “I suppose you mean because it is so well-known. I feared you would feel obligated…do not worry about my family…” Her lip trembled, and she shook her head. “You should go,” she pleaded. “Please, go…”

For a moment, his heart seized. Elizabeth was sending him away and did not care for him at all. Yet, the desperation in her voice, the pleading tone, and the sad yearning in her eyes all said something different. She was sacrificing for him. She thought it was what he wanted or what was best for him, and she would give him up. Not just the security of his name but him . His heart swelled, hope igniting him more than ever before.

“Elizabeth, my lovely, sweet Elizabeth,” he murmured before embracing her. She came quickly and moulded into his arms perfectly. “I will not leave. Not now. Not ever.”

“You do not deserve the reproach that will come upon your name. Your family—your friends—everyone—will censure you. You will be maligned everywhere and your honour will not console you.” Fresh tears soaked his coat. “I could not bear to lose your esteem and respect.”

He lowered his head so she could hear him clearly. “You cannot lose my esteem and respect because I love you without condition.” Elizabeth gasped, but he continued speaking. “I take you exactly as you are—with a tattered reputation and family on the fringes of decency. I wanted you when I thought you were penniless and without connection. It is you that I wish to marry—your character, your mind, your essence. You are the one and only woman I could ever love or could make me happy. Nothing is worth more.”

She pulled back. “But you do not believe in romantic love!”

He shook his head and laughed. “I did not understand it. You had to teach me what it meant.”

“The cost is too great. I could not do that to you.”

“My sweet Elizabeth,” he said and kissed her forehead. “You are so generous. I will have to be selfish for both of us. Let us go and finish our vows, and then we will sort out what to do regarding Lydia and Wickham.” He paused and let her go, taking a step back. “Unless you do not think you can keep all the promises? You once swore you would only marry a man you loved and who loved you in return. Will you not join me out there?”

He held out his hand to her. Wonder lit her eyes before they softened in affection. She slid her hand into his. Darcy awaited her words, his heart in his throat. He hoped she understood what he meant. He would say it all to her privately in detail on their way home after the wedding breakfast.

“I eagerly intend to fulfil each promise and am upholding my end of that vow.” She raised her chin and straightened her shoulders. “I love and trust you, William, with my whole heart.”

Assured of Elizabeth’s love, he escorted her back to the altar with a smile in place that nothing could remove—even when Mrs Bennet shrilly exclaimed how surprised she was that Elizabeth had not ruined everything again.