Page 16 of A Letter in the Wind (Mayhem and Scandal Collection #1)

The morning after he attended the opera, Darcy walked through the halls of his club to find his usual table and meet with Bingley. After the altercation with Ingalls, the friends had parted. They were both too angry for further companionship. The decision was made to meet the following morning. Although it was Good Friday, the clubs were open.

Ordinarily, Bingley was late. Today, he was already seated at a corner table before Darcy arrived. As he drew closer, Darcy thought some gentlemen gave him curious looks. He was sure one or two of them said something to one another at his passing. He had seen the effects of this behaviour before. Dread filled his stomach. They were gossiping about him—but why? Had Wickham exposed Georgiana? Surely, most people were too intelligent to believe Ingalls’ accusations.

Darcy finally reached the table and took a seat. The looks, some of them quite hostile, did not cease. “Why do they stare?”

Bingley sharply inhaled. “Have you not looked at a paper?”

“No, I slept late and came here directly. I do not have much time to spare before Matins.”

“I do not understand why you are so devoted…” He shook his head before finishing the sentence. “I will spare you having to read the ugly words. It is all lies anyway.”

Immediately, Darcy’s heart hammered in his chest. He wiped his sweaty palms on his breeches. “Out with it, man!” He would tear Ingalls from limb to limb. Anything or anyone that harmed Elizabeth should face retribution.

“Someone heard Ingalls’ filthy remarks. Then, there are the accusations that you befriended an elderly woman with plans to abduct and murder her young charge. The fabrication that will cause you the most trouble is the claim that you and Miss Elizabeth had an illicit affair in Kent.” Bingley made a disgusted face. “While less revolting than the other lies, at least it is equally too incredible to be true. I am sure you barely even saw her, let alone romanced her. Despite mine and Richard’s teasing last night, no one would ever think you fancied her.”

Darcy felt the blood drain from his face. “Let me see the reports.”

Bingley shrugged and collected the papers from another table. “It is a vile rumour but will go away.”

Darcy did not reply. Instead, he grew angrier with each successive article. Lady Catherine had Elizabeth sent away? The woman would never step foot in any of his homes again. Despite his best efforts to conceal his emotions, it must have shown on his face.

Bingley gulped. “Do you not think it will blow over? If not, that would mean… Well, Jane…” He continued to ramble in half sentences.

After having read every dreadful word, Darcy knew what he must do. Instantly, the anger evaporated, and he calmly set aside the papers.

“Ah, you must not think it is so bad!” Bingley said. “Inventive nonsense!”

“Unfortunately, there are enough threads of truth here.” Darcy stood. “Do you wish to come with me to the Gardiners? I believe you know the way.”

Bingley agreed, and soon, they were in a hack on the way to Gracechurch Street. Darcy marvelled that a few weeks ago, he never would have guessed he would willingly go to such a place or on such an errand.

“Darcy,” Bingley said hesitantly after several minutes of silence. “I never thanked you properly for reuniting me with Jane. Do you think this could ruin the family?”

Darcy turned to look at his friend closely. “Yes. Are you prepared to marry her anyway? You cannot marry her now and then hold this against her later. Is your love enough?” Someone could easily ask the same of him, but his answer would be a resounding yes.

“Of course,” Bingley said softly at first. Then, he sat up a little straighter and said firmly. “Yes. I will not let this stop me.”

They did not speak again for the rest of the drive. Bingley had a satisfied smile on his face and a twinkle in his eyes.

When they arrived at the doorstep, Bingley signalled for Darcy to wait before exiting. “You do not have to do this. Perhaps my marriage to Jane will be enough—”

“I appreciate that, Bingley, but I would never shirk my duty or disgrace my honour.”

They exited the carriage and approached the door. As they waited for an answer, Bingley glanced at his friend. “I suppose it is fortunate you always thought marrying for love was ridiculous. It turns out you do not have a choice. It is better that you do not have that disappointment.”

The door opened before Darcy could reply. Behind the maid, Mr Gardiner stood gawking in the hallway, seemingly astonished at what he saw. Darcy winced. They had not expected him to come.

“Mr Gardiner,” Darcy said with a bow. “May I speak with you somewhere privately?”

For a moment, the older gentleman stood transfixed. Bingley cleared his throat and greeted him. Mr Gardiner started at the noise and stuttered. “Of course. Of course. Come this way.” He motioned Darcy down the hall. After a few steps, Gardiner turned back and addressed the maid. “Please show Mr Bingley to the drawing room to visit the ladies.”

Bingley stepped forward, looking hesitant. He opened his mouth and then closed it without speaking. His eyes searched Darcy’s before his usual sense of ease and calm returned. He nodded at Darcy and gave him a small smile. “We will be brothers,” he said before turning to follow the maid.

Once they reached a room at the end of the hall, Gardiner closed the door behind them. He motioned for Darcy to take a seat.

“Sir, I apologise for the despicable insults toward your family last night. I do not share those thoughts or concerns about an association with your family.”

“Thank you for that,” Gardiner said before jerking his head toward the door. “I suppose he will run off again?” Gardiner asked in a deep exhale.

“You mistake my friend, sir. What you saw was his loyalty. Some might mistake it for weakness, but I know better. He presumes that I dislike my errand and almost offered to join us for support. He sometimes forgets that my situation is different from his own. I have managed a large estate for many years now. Bingley decided that I could handle this on my own.”

Gardiner raised a brow. “Can you? Nothing you have said is very reassuring, sir. I have heard the truth from Lizzy, so I wish you no ill will. Do you have any insight on what can minimise this disaster?”

“I must marry your niece.”

The other man leaned back in surprise. “Sir, my first suggestion would not be to counter this mess with another mistake. I am not sure your set takes marriage very seriously, but we do. Lizzy does. She wishes to only marry for love.” He looked down at his hands. “She has seen the effects of a marriage without it.”

Panic welled in Darcy. He had experienced that, too. But he was even more afraid of not marrying Elizabeth. She would never accept him on his merits or her feelings. Everyone presumed that marriage to her would be a hardship for him. He would openly show his joy and relief if he had any hope that she would accept him out of regard. He could see so clearly now that not marrying Elizabeth would have been the greatest mistake of his life. He thought over his reply carefully.

“I am a gentleman that believes in doing the right thing. That requires taking Elizabeth as my wife. Despite her indifferent feelings toward me, she will never have to fear for her safety, security, or my faithfulness.”

“I have little more than your word on the matter.” Gardiner sighed and tore off his spectacles, cleaning the glass with his handkerchief. “I ought to say yes.”

“Some of the reports were already impugning her sisters.” Darcy hated that he had to bring up such a harsh reality. A thought struck him. “Do you have the authority for this, or must I also go to Longbourn?”

“Bennet gave me guardianship over Lizzy a long time ago. I think he feared—” He abruptly ceased talking. “You have been to Longbourn before?”

Although curious about what Gardiner decided not to say, Darcy replied. “Yes, I dined there a few times and met with the family on other occasions during my visit with Bingley last fall.”

“Then you have seen enough to know them.” Mr Gardiner returned his spectacles to his face but briefly squeezed his eyes shut. “It gives me no pleasure in saying this, but I am ashamed of my sisters. Their behaviour is atrocious. My brother Bennet never checked his wife. He would say it would ensure that only a strong and desperately in love man would want the girls. You seem quite astute. You would agree that that was not Bennet’s real reason for his inaction.”

Reluctantly, Darcy agreed. Elizabeth’s father seemed weak and lazy. He could not be troubled to rein in his wife and daughters. “Has it been very difficult for her?” Elizabeth could never fit in with the rest of them.

“Did you know that Lizzy speaks many languages? She is also an accomplished musician and singer. She had some of the best masters money could buy.”

“At Longbourn?”

“No, here. She and Jane resided with us for many years.” Gardiner put his hands on the desk. “Lizzy wishes to meet with you before anything is decided. I will not give my formal consent until after I speak with her again.”

Then, Gardiner stood and walked to the door, opening it slowly. Darcy stood, ready to meet his fate. His breath caught at the sight of Elizabeth in the doorway. She was tired. She must not have slept any better last night than he did. Darcy noted that Gardiner shut the door, giving them great privacy. What was the worst that could happen? Someone would say he compromised her? They would just join the chorus of many.

Elizabeth hovered at the entrance, looking small and uncertain. He hastened to her side. “Will you sit with me? I do not think you are afraid of me.”

She replied with a weak smile. He led her to a chair, dearly missing her witty remarks.

“I did not get to thank you for how you helped me after the fire. I was told that you were of great use,” Darcy said to break the silence between them.

“You do not remember it?”

Darcy shook his head. “None of the details. It is like a hazy dream in my memory.”

“I am sorry it has brought these accusations to your door.” She ducked her head.

He longed to reach out and tilt her chin up. Next, he would cup her face and drink deeply of her beautiful eyes. He could draw her into his embrace and never let go. Then, he could ensure she was always safe…and in his wildest dreams, he imagined her even happy there. “The rumours are not your fault.”

“No,” she agreed. “I have always known people had wild imaginations. Now, I know they can be cruel, too.”

“I am sorry you heard those insults last night. I am even more sorry that I did nothing to stop them.”

“It was terrible, but you could have done nothing to prevent or cease it. Any further action or confrontation from you would have drawn more attention.”

“Perhaps then there would be more witnesses to the truth.”

Elizabeth shook her head. “No, they do not care about that. I cannot think that anyone in Kent would want such falsehoods about our friendship there to be said. Lady Catherine was angry, but she would not—”

“Ah, I wondered if that was true.” Darcy could stand it no longer. He took one of her hands in his. “I should have waited to depart. I regret that more than I can say.”

He should have followed his heart then. She would have refused him, but at least then, her sadness would not be his making.

“Why did you leave?” Her gaze lowered to their joined hands. “You left without a farewell.”

Her voice dropped as though she could barely utter the words. Did she think that he did not value her companionship? She would never guess how deeply he esteemed her. “I hardly knew one would be welcome,” he admitted.

She shrugged. “No, I suppose you could not. I scolded you so much. If they knew how you really feel about me—” She halted and took a deep breath. “I had thought we had become friends.”

“Friends?” That could never be enough for him, but he understood it was all she could give. “Do you always argue with your friends?”

“Only with the very closest ones.”

He took her other hand in his and squeezed them. “Do you think you could tolerate me as one for a lifetime?” She inhaled sharply, and he felt her tremble. He dropped to one knee. “Will you let me take care of you and grow old with me? Will you be my friend forever?”

Tears pricked her eyes. Darcy’s heart stopped. Was she going to refuse him? Should he tell her why it was in her best interest? Should he jump up to keep from looking foolish?

“Mr Darcy…”

“Call me William, mio cara .” He squeezed her hands again. With her talent for language, she surely understood that he called her his darling and dear one.

“I do not want you to regret this. I have seen…”

He silenced her with a finger to her lips. “I have, too—”

“Which is why you never wished to marry at all—”

She had such a terrible habit of interrupting him. He considered silencing her in a more effective and tempting way. “I did not believe that the sort of impulsive and passionate love I had thus far witnessed could lead to a lasting and happy marriage. We do not begin that way.” He moved his finger from her lips and caressed her cheek. One of the tears she had held back escaped, and he caught it with his thumb.

“I would do anything to take those tears away from you, Elizabeth. This is the only way—” He almost said the only way he could love her as he wished. He dropped his head briefly before lifting it back up and meeting her eyes, hoping his own reflected all the sincerity he felt. “We begin as good friends who understand each other. We have shared interests and esteem one another. Perhaps I do not melt you into a puddle from my looks or romantic charm. Even so, we have something of substance here. Something that can last after excitement and newness fade. Do not look at it as though you are forced to do a terrible thing.”

“You do not wish there was another way?”

Yes, he did. He desperately wished he was declaring his love and was confident of its return. Lamentably, she would have never believed him even if he had said any of that just now. The best he could hope for was to show her his love, and maybe, in a few years, she could receive it. Maybe. On the other hand, within a few years of his parents’ marriage, they hated one another.

“I desire to make you happy. I will support you and your family if you do not want to marry me.” After all, the rumours had threads of truth because of his lack of control. He had shown her special attention and sought her out.

She stared at him for a moment. He still held her cheek, and Darcy found himself pleading with his eyes and praying fervently in his heart.

“Yes,” she whispered. “I will marry you.”

Relief flooded Darcy. He hung his head for a moment while he took several deep breaths. Upon looking up, he noted a few tears had streaked down her face. He tenderly wiped them with his handkerchief. He felt too much to speak.

“I will go tell my uncle.” Elizabeth tried to stand, but Darcy held her in place.

“Thank you for this honour. I will work tirelessly so you do not regret it.” He kissed the backs of her hands, hearing a small gasp in response. Then, he stood and cleared his throat. He helped her to her feet. “I have said this to your uncle, but I wish to tell you something now at the beginning, so you never need doubt it.”

She licked her lips as her eyes went wide. “What is it?”

Darcy’s gaze dropped to her mouth. Maybe one day… “I promise to always be faithful and true to you. I know you wished to marry for love, but—”

This time, she silenced him. She had to stretch on tiptoes to brush his lips with her finger, and the gesture stunned him.

“I never worried about that with you. I know you are one of the best and most honourable men of my acquaintance.”

“Thank you,” he said quietly as his cheeks flooded with heat.

“You are shy!” Elizabeth said in a tone of surprise.

Darcy smiled a little. “Shy is not quite the right word. I am uncomfortable with praise and find it difficult to put myself forward. I never seem to feel or think as others do.” He watched her carefully for her reaction. His heart hammered in his chest. He had never shared such vulnerability with anyone else.

“I was so blind, so wrong,” she muttered. “Can you forgive me?”

“Of course,” he squeezed her hand. “What am I forgiving you for?”

“I took for granted that you can have every possible physical security and feel unsure of yourself in certain places and with certain people.” She squeezed his hand in return. “My words and opinion must have wounded you.”

A part of him wanted to deny it. It hardly seemed manly to be so sensitive and exposed. “I wish I were not this way.”

Elizabeth looked at him sharply, determination in her eyes. “William, never change.”

His heart stuttered to hear his name on her lips. “Why this sudden change of opinion? Has not most of our acquaintance been about you wishing I were different?”

“I was wrong.” She shook her head. “It was due to my own insecurity that I perceived you as proud and arrogant because you were not as gregarious as your friend…or others.”

“You were not so wrong, my dear. I can be quite proud and think highly of my opinion on many things. I am not as kind as I ought to be.” He stroked his thumbs over her hands. He bent his head closer to hers, thrilled at her excited gasp. “You have taught me so much. You have made me want to be a better man.”

She stepped forward and tilted her head back more to look at him. “I could say the same thing about you. Are you sure that you want to marry me?” Her eyes searched his.

“I am sure. Let us tell your uncle.” He led her out of the room with her hand in his. It felt so small and delicate in his large one. Surprisingly, she held his hand just as tightly as he gripped hers. In his heart, he knew that he would allow nothing to rip them apart or hurt this precious woman. She was his.