Page 21 of A Letter in the Wind (Mayhem and Scandal Collection #1)

While Darcy talked with her father, Elizabeth trembled in the drawing room. Any moment now, Darcy would emerge from the library. An announcement would be made, and Mrs Bennet would, in her unique way, be both thrilled and insulting simultaneously. Elizabeth knew it would be so. She ought to not be so nervous about it, but there was always the twinge of hope that this time would be different. That, for once, she would be valued and loved by her mother. A movement at the doorway heralded Darcy’s arrival. Elizabeth squeezed her eyes shut in preparation and silent prayer.

She felt him sit beside her on the sofa a moment later. “Your father wants to see you.”

Her eyes flew open, and she looked at her betrothed. He looked cautious…maybe even fearful. He rubbed his thumbs over his knees. What on earth had her father said to him? Immediately, she stood, then turned back to speak to him. “It is my turn to ask, do you trust me?”

Darcy stared at her for a long moment. “Yes.”

Elizabeth gave him a grateful look and marched out of the room, not heeding her mother’s offended shouting at her to return. She opened her father’s study without a knock. The door closed with a bang.

“Ah, I did not expect you to be so angry,” her father said.

“What have you said to him? He is not to be used for your amusement.”

She stared at her father in disbelief. She had so blindly loved him. She supposed a child must love at least one of her parents. Mrs Bennet had always been so harsh and disapproving of Elizabeth—even if it was deserved. All of Elizabeth’s loyalty and affection was directed at her father. It made her oblivious to the reality of his weaknesses. They started with allowing Mrs Bennet to treat Elizabeth abominably and ended with Lydia’s behaviour.

“It was only a bit of fun,” he whined. “Besides, you do not respect him yourself. You do not have to do this.”

Elizabeth’s hands went to her hips. “Yes, I do. Because you would not protect our family, I must. I will not allow another one of my sisters to fall into disgrace if I can help it.”

“We both know that is not why you care so much.”

For a moment, Elizabeth feared that her father had perceived her feelings for Darcy. Then, she remembered what he truly referenced. How had she forgotten that for even a moment?

“You cannot blame me for that,” he continued.

Something whispered in Elizabeth’s heart that she was not to blame either, but it was too weak to heed.

“It changed everything.”

Elizabeth closed her eyes and flopped into the chair across from her father. “I am sorry,” she said as tears pricked her eyes. How many times had she uttered that through the years? She sought forgiveness that would never be given.

“I told him about the money,” Bennet said after several minutes of silence.

Elizabeth did not reply. She considered her father’s motives in his apparent desire to send Darcy away. Was it out of care for her or himself?

“He was shocked…but pleased.” Bennet cleared his throat, making Elizabeth look at him. Something close to affection returned to his eyes for a moment. “Do not do this, Lizzy. We can—”

“I was wrong about him,” she interrupted, then stood. “And I must. If you have any shred of care for us, I must.”

The fact that she happened to desperately love Darcy was of little interest to her father, despite his claims of desiring love matches for his daughters. She prayed that, for once, her father would do the right thing. They locked eyes for a long moment before he relented and sighed.

“I will make the announcement, then.” He paused at the door. “I do not suppose you checked Collins’ library for my Milton?”

Elizabeth merely rolled her eyes. One battle down, and one to go. In the drawing room, she beckoned Darcy to her side with her eyes. His hopeful smile made him adorable in a vulnerable way. Her heart stuttered. Behind her, Mr Bennet cleared his throat. A moment later, her mother’s shrieking made her wish she was deaf.

“Elizabeth Frances!” Mrs Bennet commanded.

Elizabeth winced. “Yes, Mama?”

“What have you done to entrap poor Mr Darcy? You foolish thing!”

“I thought you did not like him,” Kitty said. Then she looked at their mother. “Neither do you—but maybe you hate Lizzy more.”

“Kitty,” Jane scolded. “You forget yourself and exaggerate.”

“But did something happen?” Mary looked seriously between Darcy and Elizabeth and twisted her hands. “A lady ought to guard her virtue, and you always said you would only marry for love.”

Mrs Bennet pushed the others out of the way and approached Darcy, who stood beside Elizabeth holding her hand. “Now, Mr Darcy, even though Mr Bennet has consented, think seriously. It is not too late. Surely, you do not wish to marry a hoyden.” She looked him up and down. “And if you compromised Lizzy, we could always say it was one of the other girls. Lydia is not at home…but Jane is ten times as beautiful as Lizzy, and Kitty is better natured—”

Darcy glowered at her. “I assure you, madam, I am most happy to marry Miss Elizabeth. Your suggestion appals me and insults my honour. I have given her my word. I have no interest in other ladies—especially your other daughters.”

Mrs Bennet sputtered, and Darcy pulled Elizabeth into the hall.

She knew her face was bright red in embarrassment but she did not cry. That was worth something. Or maybe it was less of a victory for her pride than the fact that she had experienced the vehemence all her life. It almost did not hurt any longer.

“I was prepared for her enthusiasm. I expected indecorous joy—anything but that.” Darcy gently tugged Elizabeth closer. “I am forced to reconsider my other interactions with her. I see now that she always treated you badly and bullied you. Usually, she conceals it better.”

Elizabeth nodded. “Things got worse after I refused Mr Collins and Mr Bingley left the area…” She did not explain everything. It was not the right time, and her uncle had advised her against it.

“Never again,” Darcy said in a shaky voice. “Never again will you have to listen to such things. I will not allow it. I refuse to leave this house and risk you being so abused again. I shall tell her so at once.”

He began to move, but Elizabeth held him back. “If you upset her too much, she will make you stay somewhere else, defeating your goal.”

“Then I must find another way to occupy her attention.” He took a deep breath. “I apologise. I have made this about my anger instead of supporting you.”

“I needed the distraction.”

He sadly shook his head as though that would dispel the memories of Mrs Bennet’s venom. Unfortunately, Elizabeth had a lifetime of it. She could never forget it.

“Mrs Gardiner indicated that the wedding could be planned in only a few days with your mother’s assistance. Will she accept this marriage? I dare not even hope for her help.”

“Aunt Gardiner will smooth it over and find a way. She is a miracle worker. Mama will proudly extol our betrothal outside of the house. She will crow over anything that will make her look better than the others or best Lady Lucas.”

“Has it always been this awful? Why does she hate you so?”

A lump formed in Elizabeth’s throat. Yes, her mother had hated her since she was born. Since she was born a girl instead of being the heir, that would save them from the entail. Fanny Bennet bore five daughters, but it was only her second that she blamed for it. There had been something wrong with her from birth, and her mother could not abide by it.

Tears filled Elizabeth’s eyes, and she began to tremble from trying to hold back the wave of emotion. How could she ever explain any of it to Darcy—let alone all of it?

Darcy drew her closer and then pulled her into an embrace. His arms circled her back as his masculine scent enveloped her. He gently nudged her head to rest against his chest, and immediately, the storm calmed. He kissed her hair, and Elizabeth thought she would melt right then. How could he take such a dark moment and make it so beautiful?

After several minutes in this heavenly position, Darcy pulled back. His tender affection had soothed, but the absence of it brought acute pain. His palms slid down her arms, and then he gripped her hands.

“Come. Walk with me.” He tugged her toward the entrance.

Elizabeth hesitated. “What are you doing?”

“Protecting you,” he said and winked. “Now, if you do not come with me, I will just have to take matters into my own hands.”

“What do you mean?” Elizabeth smiled at his playfulness.

He leaned close to her ear. “If you do not come willingly, then I could always throw you over my shoulder.”

His breath on her ear made her tingle all over. When she realised what he meant, Elizabeth gasped and blushed. He would not, would he? She eyed his muscular frame. Yes, he surely could lift her and carry her with ease. Her heart skipped at the thought. He looked far too pleased with himself. She could not allow that.

“I thought the groom was to carry the bride over the threshold and into the house—not out of it.”

Darcy’s mouth dropped, and his eyes widened. She thought he even blushed. She brushed past him, confident in her victory. He followed her silently to the door, then took her shawl from the servant. As he wrapped it around her, he again dropped his lips to her ear.

“Soon, Elizabeth, very soon. I can hardly wait, can you?”

Her pulse pounded as inexplicable longing filled her. Before she could reply, he ushered her out of the doorway.

*****

Despite Darcy’s comfort and attempts at distraction, Elizabeth remained nervous for the rest of the evening. They had walked around the house for half an hour, with Elizabeth promising to show him her favourite paths around Meryton before they left the area.

When they returned to the house, Mr Darcy addressed Mrs Bennet directly. He spoke loud enough that everyone could hear. He told Mrs Bennet that if she continued in that way in front of him, she would not be admitted into his homes, and he would deny any connection to her.

Mrs. Bennet sent frequent dark looks in Elizabeth’s direction. Her mother’s ire was more intense than ever. Thankfully, she spoke of it less, and watching her attempt to control herself was humorous. Darcy cleared his throat every time she began to say anything ungenerous to Elizabeth.

Dinner brought its own troubles. Mr and Mrs Philips dined with them. Elizabeth’s uncle focused only on the port, as usual. Her aunt seemed to understand the strife between Darcy and Mrs Bennet. Instead of adding fuel to that fire, she directed her attention to Jane. She asked many intrusive questions about if she had seen Bingley or had a new beau. Elizabeth inwardly groaned at such conversation. No wonder Darcy believed Jane did not love Bingley.

After the meal, there were cards and music. On the surface, it was the typical post-dinner activities for any gentry family. The truth was anything but. Mary insisted on playing and singing tunes for which she had no talent. Mrs Bennet was oblivious to the discomfort others experienced as they listened. Kitty complained loudly about not staying with friends as Lydia had recently done. Mr and Mrs Gardiner attempted rational discussions with Darcy but were frequently interrupted by Mrs Bennet or Mrs Philips. Meanwhile, her father watched in a corner with an amused look. By the time she went upstairs to sleep, Elizabeth was thankful that Jane could behave with sense.

The following morning was Easter. Elizabeth arose earlier than usual, which was her custom on Easter morning. The first glimmers of the sun shone, and she dressed quickly, grabbing items she had laid aside the night before. Then, she tiptoed down the stairs and to the exit. She would walk to Oakham Mount and see the sunrise. She startled to see Darcy waiting for her at the door.

“How did you know?” Elizabeth asked as he helped her with her shawl.

“I understand now why you walk as often as possible. I thought you would arise earlier than usual on this day. I know that you would appreciate the significance of this morning.”

Once outside, they walked in companionable silence for several minutes. Without warning, Elizabeth laughed.

“What amuses you?” Darcy looked down at her with a ready smile.

“I was only thinking about how you have upheld your promise to protect me. I could not even go on a walk alone.”

Darcy chuckled, then squeezed her hand on his arm. “I do take my promises seriously. I would be happy to display my most recent one.”

“Threat, you mean!” She grinned. “Alas for you, I have determined to be a most proper and obedient wife. Your warnings must go unfulfilled.”

“Perhaps instead of using it as a threat, I will have to make it a reward.”

She rolled her eyes. “You assume that would motivate me.”

He shrugged. “Perhaps not. Maybe it could be for ordinary things. Such as, you awoke this morning. Congratulations, now get into my arms.”

Elizabeth blushed furiously at his words. She knew he meant them teasingly, but she longed for another embrace and his touch. Even the slightest sign that he cared for her provided a balm to her broken heart. He grew silent, too, and his nervous gesture emerged.

After a moment, he spoke again. “Forgive me. I am unused to teasing and tried too hard to be a carefree youth.” He stared straight ahead. “Of course, I would never touch you without your permission. I do not want you to think that you will have to put up with my constant attention.”

Elizabeth’s brows furrowed. Was he saying that because he assumed it was what she wanted? Or was he merely attempting to be a gentleman? How could she tell him she thrilled at his touch and wished it would never stop?

Then, a more unsettling thought emerged. What if the distance was his desire? He had been courted by the most beautiful women Society could offer. They had all been wealthy and educated. Elizabeth paled in comparison.

They reached the summit, and Elizabeth pointed to a fallen log she often sat upon. They affixed their eyes on the horizon, waiting for the sun to rise and bathe them in glorious light.

At last, the moment came, and Elizabeth could not hold back a gasp of wonder. She did not often feel in unity with the Lord, but today, she marvelled at the love He must have to send His Son to die for humanity’s sake. It defied all human logic.

For several minutes, she and Darcy sat in silence. She closed her eyes and allowed the sun’s light to wash over her as she recalled the Light of the World. She had attended church all her life but felt closer to God here on this hill than in stuffy chapels.

When she opened her eyes again, this time with a soft smile and peace in her heart, she noticed Darcy watching her closely. She blushed.

“Did you pray?” he asked.

“Not really,” Elizabeth shrugged. “Sometimes I just sit and think about Him. If I can calm my movements and mind, I can feel His nearness. Sometimes, I just want to drink that in.”

“That sounds so…”

He trailed off for a moment, and Elizabeth thought he would condemn her. Her beliefs and practices were unusual, and her mother never condoned them.

“That sounds so liberating,” he said on an exhale. “I often get so busy doing what is right, what the Church teaches, that it is done out of custom.” He frowned. “My family always said our prayers together…but it was mere lip service. The effects of Jesus had not entered into them. Perhaps they needed to adopt your practice and sit in His presence more.”

“My family is surely the opposite of yours. My mother’s childhood was fraught with religious disputes. Her parents had belonged to the Church, but her mother died while she was young. When my grandfather remarried, his new wife was Unitarian. My Uncle Gardiner was raised that way, but Mama and Aunt Philips stayed with the Anglican church. Papa’s family only attended on the major holidays and did nothing at home.” Elizabeth stared into the distance. “Strangely, I suppose I was not too different from you. I saw the effects of lives that desperately needed something real. My aunt Gardiner encouraged me to find my own faith.”

“It must have been difficult for her to convert.”

“I think in many ways it was,” Elizabeth said. “She loves telling her story. You should ask her about it.”

Darcy nodded and pulled a small book out of his breast pocket. “I know we will attend service in a few hours, but it is my custom to read the usual psalms before matins.” He chuckled. “Maybe I dislike getting them out of order for the Holy Days.”

Elizabeth smiled. “Would you read them to me?”

She looked at the beauty of God’s creation as her betrothed’s warm voice washed over her. The first chapter stole her breath. David praised God for making him and loving him despite his faults. The psalm explained that God only makes good things and had made him, too. Her heart squeezed at the thought.

She did not realise she had begun to cry until she felt Darcy’s hand cradle her cheek. He gently dabbed at the tears with his handkerchief.

“God made you and watched over you in your mother’s womb, my love.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead, making Elizabeth take a shuddery breath. “I praise Him for making you—every bit of you. Precious are all my thoughts of you, Elizabeth.”

He pulled her into his embrace. A spark of hope lit in Elizabeth’s heart. Maybe she was not so broken and unlovable after all. She wanted to believe Darcy’s words about her, but she had been disappointed by her family, who should have loved her no matter what. How could he mean those words when he did not love her…at least not romantically, not as she desired. He did not even believe in the concept.

Despite that, she gathered strength from his presence and his care. Unfortunately, despite how heavenly it felt in his arms, they had to return to Longbourn. She needed to find the fortitude to withdraw…and then carry on as though her heart was not simultaneously shattered yet beating ferociously.

“We should go,” Darcy whispered into her hair where he had rested his head.

She nodded, and he released her and then helped her to her feet. Instead of placing her hand on his arm, he looped his fingers through hers this time. Elizabeth felt too much to speak at all on the return walk. While she could not describe what had occurred between them, she knew she was not alone. Darcy was at her side. With him, she could bear whatever the next few days would bring.