Page 12 of A Letter in the Wind (Mayhem and Scandal Collection #1)

Elizabeth’s hands shook as she knocked on the familiar door at Gracechurch Street. She looked over her shoulder and up and down the road. Did anyone recognise her and that she arrived at nighttime and then was being left on the stoop? After arriving at the final stop, the dirty and half-broken hackney she had hired left without ensuring she was admitted. Her trunk was tossed on the curb. Surely someone was home; the Gardiners did not often go out in the evenings. Even if they were out, the servants all knew her.

After a moment, the door opened. The maid started upon seeing Elizabeth’s face. “Miss Elizabeth? You were not expected, ma’am.” Elizabeth stepped forward, and the servant moved out of the way. “I am afraid Mrs Gardiner and Miss Bennet are out.”

“Is my uncle home?”

“I am afraid not, ma’am. He dined at the Shrieking Peach Tavern since the ladies were not home.” The servant stood against the wall with the door open. She glanced out at the street, then back at Elizabeth.

“Molly, can you please send James to retrieve my trunk?” Elizabeth’s voice cracked. She cleared it before continuing. “Does anyone know where my aunt has gone? If not, then I will send a note to my uncle.”

Molly ran to do Elizabeth’s bidding but had left the door ajar. Elizabeth sighed as she shut it. She longed to run up the stairs, throw herself onto the bed and pour out her fear and frustration in the only way she knew. Instead, she decided to write out her note in the drawing room. It needed only a salutation.

A moment later, Molly entered the room. She looked at Elizabeth strangely. “James is taking your trunk upstairs now, and my mistress is visiting her mother. James can take a missive to her.”

Elizabeth glanced at the clock and then shook her head. “I would rather it be taken to my uncle.” She scribbled a greeting to him, then sealed up the note. “I will hand it to James. You can return to your duties.”

“You do not need anything else, Miss?”

“No, thank you. It was not a long journey, but I will rest until my family returns.”

Elizabeth all but ran up the stairs and nearly collided with James. She thrust the note at him. “Please take this to Mr Gardiner.”

Tears sprang to her eyes as soon as she shut the chamber to the guest room. There were signs of Jane everywhere. They had always shared a bedroom, and Jane had always been the tidier of the two. At this moment, Elizabeth longed for the comfort of her dearest sister.

“Janie, I hope Mr Bingley loves you and will marry you despite what your stupid sisters have done,” Elizabeth murmured to herself. Then, she curled into a ball on the bed and cried.

The drive from Kent to London had not been terribly long, but it had been arduous in other ways. Elizabeth was keenly aware of the insult of being packed in the mail coach without escort or chaperone. She had arrived at the Swan with Two Necks Inn about an hour ago. She would have walked half a mile to the Gardiner residence if it had not been for her trunk. She determined it better to hire a hack given the size of her trunk and the late hour.

Thankfully, she had enough money for that. She had worried, so she took the cheapest seats on the stagecoach—atop the roof. Fortunately, the wind was not as high as the last few days as they left Kent, but Elizabeth remained fearful the top-heavy carriage would tilt over. To say nothing of the kinds of people she was forced to quite literally rub shoulders with. She always said her courage rose at every intimidation, but the day’s events tested that more than anything before.

During the journey, she had time to read her father’s letter. He was certain that Mr. Collins had made off with his favourite volume of Paradise Lost. Mr. Bennet requested that Elizabeth search the parsonage and bring it back. Elizabeth let out a rueful and shaky laugh. Perhaps if she had read the letter, she would have returned to the parsonage and not be in this mess. But then, what might have happened to Patty and Silly?

Her tears began to slow, and she considered her family’s reactions to her arrival. She had elected to inform her uncle of her arrival as she did not wish to alarm her aunt’s mother. Mrs Joseph lived in Old Jewry, only a few minutes’ walk from her daughter’s house on Gracechurch Street. She was a kind, elderly woman, strong in the old ways and the old faith. In a few days, while the Gardiners and Bennets would celebrate Easter, Mrs Joseph would observe Passover. Elizabeth did not understand the requirements, but she knew her aunt always spent many days assisting her mother in making everything ready the days before the holiday. It had slipped Elizabeth’s mind due to the anxiety of the travel.

Guilt pricked Elizabeth’s heart. She should not be focused on herself. Mrs Gardiner must aid her mother. As the only child and heiress, Mrs Gardiner keenly felt the duty to help her mother despite her many friends and nieces. Perhaps it was because Elizabeth had so many sisters, but she had never felt so loyal to her own mother. On the other hand, Mrs Joseph had never seemed to hate her daughter the way Mrs Bennet hated Elizabeth.

A wave of grief washed over her, but she shook her head. There was no changing what had been. She could do nothing about the past—whether from twenty years ago or yesterday. Somehow, she needed to make peace with the present. Hopefully, Charlotte was correct. The ridiculous gossip that circulated in Hunsford would not spread. Lady Catherine and Mr Collins would not wish for it to go around, and who else in Hunsford would have the means or opportunity to tell anyone else?

A nagging voice in her head asked what if? What if the rumours made their way to Hertfordshire? Elizabeth had been sent to Hunsford to keep up the appearance that all was well with the Bennets. Additionally, Elizabeth could somehow destroy the facade. She was too risky, at least in her mother’s estimation. If Elizabeth’s reputation was tarnished, people might inspect further about the rest of them. They might begin to question the story put out about Lydia…

Elizabeth heard the front door open and close. Someone was home. Would it be her uncle or her aunt and Jane? She heard her uncle’s heavy steps on the stairs a moment later, followed by a light knock at her door.

“Come in,” Elizabeth called out, but her voice broke.

Mr Gardiner entered. “Lizzy?”

He stretched his arms out, and Elizabeth ran to him. His gentle embrace soothed her frazzled nerves.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not yet,” Elizabeth answered, her voice muffled by his coat. “I want to wait until Jane and my aunt are here.”

“Very well.” He pulled her back and assessed her face before speaking again. “Do you need anything? Are you well?”

“I am well enough.” She bit her lower lip to keep it from trembling. “I think all I require is rest. I am sorry that you left your meal. I did not mean to pull you away.”

“My niece is supposed to be residing with friends and then shows up unexpectedly at my house, and I am expected to not see for myself that she is unharmed?”

“Mama and Papa would not take the trouble.”

“I will not speak badly about my sister and her husband, but you know that Miriam and I would treat our child differently if the Lord ever blessed us with one. You know how fond of you I am.”

“Yes, I know, Uncle.”

There had always been a steady regard between them, which increased after his marriage about ten years ago. At the time, Elizabeth thought that his wife was taken with her and Jane, so they stayed with them for many years. Now that Elizabeth was older, she understood that it had long been her uncle’s ambition to take in his nieces. He had settled upon them ten thousand pounds each, which would remain theirs even if he should have a large family—which now appeared impossible.

He looked at her for another long moment. “Yes, I think a chat with my wife and Jane is what you need more than anything. Ladies need one another, eh?”

Elizabeth replied with a firm nod of agreement. Then, he gave her another little hug and a kiss atop her head before leaving the room. A second later, he popped his head back in. “Jane’s Mr Bingley is to come for supper tonight. Do you want me to send regrets?”

“Oh, no!” Elizabeth cried. “Certainly not. I will be quite well enough to see him. Has he called then?”

Mr Gardiner’s eyes twinkled. “Jane has much to tell you, too.”

He left Elizabeth alone. She awaited the arrival of her aunt and sister with nervousness and excitement, taking turns churning her belly and making her head pound. At last, they arrived. Mrs Gardiner immediately ordered tea upon hearing that Elizabeth was there. Then, she informed the servants to let them be until it was time to dress for Bingley’s arrival.

Elizabeth succinctly explained all that had happened at Hunsford the day before, leading to her expulsion.

“Lizzy,” Mrs Gardiner began slowly. “In ordinary circumstances, I would agree with you. We could hope that nothing would come of these falsehoods. Regrettably, Mr Darcy’s wealth and position make it tantalising information. Consider, too, if they knew the truth about your situation. Then there is Lydia…”

“I know,” Elizabeth said and ducked her head. She had failed the family again.

“Perhaps it will not be so dreadful,” Jane cautioned. “Mr Darcy must love you if he paid you so much particular attention.”

Elizabeth shook her head. “After I tell you more, you will not think so. I was hoping to avoid this and merely dwell on the good.” She took a deep breath. “What has Mr Bingley said has occurred during your separation?”

“He explained that his sisters lied about my regard for him.”

“Did he specifically say his sisters—or only his sisters?”

Jane’s brow furrowed. “He said his sisters disapproved of a courtship between us and were among those close to him that argued—” She halted. “Oh.”

“You see now,” Elizabeth said. “Yes, Mr Darcy convinced Bingley that you were not in love with him. There was quite a bit of prejudice on his side. I thought at first that it was all about supposing we were fortune hunters and laughed to myself if he only knew the truth. Alternately, I learned he does not believe in love at all and distrusts any show of emotion.” She straightened her shoulders. “Despite this, he is honourable and willing to correct his wrongs. He wrote a letter apologising to you. I clearly have arrived before it has.”

“He wrote to Jane?” Mr Gardiner queried.

“I put it in with my latest letter.”

“He must have met with you very often to feel so compelled…and comfortable,” Mrs Gardiner observed.

“Yes,” Elizabeth said hesitatingly. “Though, not as you suppose. He can have no affectionate feelings for me. On my side, I believed he was engaged to Miss de Bourgh. In any case, I scolded him at every turn.”

“You did say he is honourable, though,” Mr Gardiner pointed out.

“I pray it does not come to that.” Elizabeth blinked back a tear. “What would Mama say?”

“Do not worry about that,” Mrs Gardiner said, squeezing Elizabeth’s hand. “You will always have a home with us.”

“And one day with me,” Jane said gently.

“I would not want to be in your way,” Elizabeth answered.

“You would never be in the way!” Jane embraced her. “I appreciate all you did to reunite me with Mr Bingley. Have faith that it will all turn out well.”

Elizabeth gave her tremulous smile just as a servant arrived to inform them of the time. Mr Bingley would be coming in less than an hour. Elizabeth said nothing while she and Jane dressed in their chamber. Jane chatted happily about Bingley’s arrival and his profuse apologies the day before. How had so much changed in one day? Yesterday, Elizabeth would have shouted for joy at her sister’s news.

Jane was coy, but Elizabeth had little doubt that she would soon be engaged. Undoubtedly, the embers of love burned even hotter after such separation. Bingley could be impulsive but determined and would not allow any chance to get in his way again. Therein lay the problem if Elizabeth were not welcome at Longbourn. She would live with Jane and have to constantly hear about and see reminders of Mr Darcy—the man she could not tempt to dance let alone matrimony.

Jane went downstairs ahead of Elizabeth. As she took a final look at herself in the mirror, she muttered, “It will come to nothing.” Her rapid heartbeat and churning belly did not agree.