Page 18 of A Letter in the Wind (Mayhem and Scandal Collection #1)

Darcy gazed at Elizabeth in the softened glow of the Gardiners’ drawing room. He could not recall an evening he had enjoyed more. After dinner, everyone gathered to play charades. Although he had been hesitant at first, Elizabeth made an encouraging teammate. Fortunately, Darcy was not the only person dreadful at the game, and before too long, everyone was laughing. While the others were immersed in conversation, Darcy took the moment to capture Elizabeth’s attention.

“Thank you for your assistance, my dearest,” he murmured near her ear. He could feel the heat of her blush from his endearment. She did not reply. “Do I displease you or annoy you in some way?”

Immediately, her head turned to look him in the eye. “I am merely unused to such affectionate words. I have never been courted before.”

“I am happy to be the only gentleman to do so. Your heart is mine alone to touch.”

Elizabeth’s hand was resting by her side. He gently turned it over and drew a circle on her palm. She shivered; he hoped in delight. It certainly had a dizzying effect on him.

“I want to show you something,” she said. “It is in Uncle’s office.”

Darcy watched in fascination as she entreated her uncle for a moment of privacy with her betrothed. He thrilled at her use of the word, even as he knew it was tactfully chosen to point out to her guardian that such things were now permissible.

The townhouse was not as large as his own, and he remembered the route from the day before. In spite of that, he allowed her to lead him by the hand. Once inside, she lit a lamp, but the room remained dark. Light flickered, creating shadows and rendering Elizabeth even more alluring. For a long moment, she stared at him and said nothing.

Darcy took a step closer and reached for her hand. “Your eyes dazzle in the candlelight, Elizabeth.” He spoke softly but raggedly. If he said nothing, his heart might explode, but if he said too much, he would be exposed. “I hope you did not bring me here to discuss anything important because I am far too distracted by your beauty.”

He was close enough that he could make out her blush. He stood so near he could feel the heat from her cheek and heard her sharp inhale.

“I thank you for saying it,” she murmured. “How can I believe it, sir? You are now the image of the devoted suitor. Have we not always argued? Did you not find my looks deficient at first sight? As much as all these sweet words flatter my vanity, I prefer something honest and real.”

She thought he was pretending to feel more than he did. “Do you remember the night I asked you to dance at Lucas Lodge?”

Elizabeth’s brow furrowed. “After Sir William badgered you into it. Then, my sisters put on a vulgar display dancing with the soldiers, and you glared at me for the rest of the evening.”

“You misunderstood me then. I knew you did, but I did not care about correcting your assumptions.” He cleared his throat. “I know you saw through Miss Bingley immediately. Do you recall when she began to single you out for ridicule?”

Elizabeth thought for a long moment. “It was not worth noting then, but I suppose it was after that evening. Why do you ask?”

“I told Miss Bingley I did not want to hear her complaints that night. I was too happy thinking about a lady with particularly fine eyes.” Then, feeling bold, he reached forward and caressed Elizabeth’s cheek. “I told her that it was you that I admired. She hated you for it. I should apologise for making you such a target.”

“You admired me? I treated you abominably then!”

A light chuckle rumbled from Darcy’s chest. “My regard is not dependent upon your treatment. It amused me and aroused my curiosity. Most ladies sought to flatter me or gain my attention. You became increasingly aware that I often observed you closely. Instead of desiring such consideration or thinking it was due, you did not care. I was merely another gentleman to you, not worth more of your thought than any other.”

“This appealed to you? How wrong I was about you!” Elizabeth shook her head momentarily, then met his eyes with a confused gaze. “But why did you always look so displeased at me?”

It was so clear to him now. He was falling in love with her despite himself. He was angry at himself. Additionally, he had to fight showing his fondness but could not keep his eyes from seeking her out. “I did not mean to glare. You are marrying an inept fool, I fear.” He dropped his hand and hung his head.

She brought her hand to his face, mirroring his touch. “You are not a fool. I refuse to believe anyone who fancies me to be an imbecile.”

Darcy smiled slightly. “Even Mr Collins? I noticed you were his favourite at Bingley’s ball.”

“His regard was entirely imaginary. Lady Catherine told him to marry one of us and Mama told him Jane was unavailable. Once I refused him, he easily imagined himself in love with Charlotte.”

“I will call him a fool. I will say it of myself too, and anyone else who cannot see what a treasure you are, Elizabeth.” He touched his forehead to hers, fighting every impulse of his body to pull her into an embrace and confess his love to her.

“How fortunate that the world has not imagined you compromised some other girl. You seem to tolerate the notion of our engagement very well.”

He could feel that she smiled. She wanted to tease, to calm the emotions that swirled between them, but he was not ready for this headiness to end. “There would be no other lady that such a thing could even be thought about, Elizabeth. I never sought any other lady out. I never smiled and laughed with them or asked them to dance without prompting from a relative.” He dropped his head to speak into her ear. “I never flirted with another woman at the opera or escorted her around.”

He heard her sharp gasp and now could feel her tremble. He brought her hands to his lips, meeting her wide eyes with his gaze. “It has only been you, my dearest.”

She must feel something for him. She had wanted the reassurance of his genuine care. He hoped he gave it to her. It would have to be enough for now. Until she was in love with him and could return his sentiments, he would keep them to himself. Even if it killed him.

As the evening wound to a close, uneasiness settled in Darcy. What if something befell Elizabeth on their journey to Longbourn? What if she changed her mind before Wednesday? Of all the emotions which had tormented him throughout his life, it was one that he hated the most. Fear was an insidious thing but one of the most fundamental instincts a person could have. Indeed, it often proved necessary for survival. At the moment, though, it was most unwelcome.

As the others said farewell at the doorway, Darcy stood at a distance. The thought of leaving and not seeing Elizabeth again for several days brought actual pain. She made her way to his side.

“You are quiet and distant. Are you displeased or angry?” She searched his eyes.

He grabbed one of her hands and held it to his heart. “I do not wish to leave your side, Elizabeth. I ought not to have left you at Hunsford, and now I feel as though I will be abandoning you to face the unknown at Longbourn. I owe your father an explanation face to face.”

“That is not necessary,” Elizabeth said with a look of alarm. “As my uncle explained, he has had the right to guardianship over me for a very long time.”

Her anxious expression confused him. “Nevertheless, it is the gentlemanly thing to do. I fear it will displease you, but I must go to Meryton. If Bingley cannot open the house tomorrow, I shall stay at the inn.”

Elizabeth’s eyes widened. “If you think Mrs Bennet will allow a potential son-in-law to stay at an inn, you are mistaken.”

Darcy shook his head. “You will already have the Gardiners as guests.”

“That will not stop Mama. If Bingley or Georgiana come with you, my sisters and I can squeeze into one bedroom to accommodate all of you. Although, the room might explode from lace and ribbons.”

He smiled at her imagery. “It does not anger you that I cannot let you out of my sight for more than one night?”

Elizabeth started at his question. “Why would it?”

“You are very independent. More than once, you seemed annoyed that I desired to walk with you and escort you safely back to the Parsonage.”

“Now that I know you do not condemn me, your presence is most wanted and enjoyed.” She blushed a little. “I am unused to anyone wishing to take care of me, but it is not unwelcome.”

Darcy let out a deep exhale. He had not realised he had held his breath waiting for her reply. The tension left his body as he lifted her hand to his lips. “That is most reassuring.”

He caressed her for a moment with his eyes, drinking in the fill of her beauty and looking for the secrets of her heart. She stood transfixed, gazing up at him with a soft look. He would almost call it affectionate but dared not hope for such a tender feeling. What had he done to deserve it?

Mr Gardiner cleared his throat. Darcy and Elizabeth started, and upon looking around, he was surprised to see his companions no longer in the hall.

“Sir,” Darcy said to Mr Gardiner. “I have just spoken with Elizabeth. I will ride out to Meryton with you tomorrow. If Bingley cannot have Netherfield opened, I will seek accommodations at the inn.”

The Gardiners looked at each other and expressed something silently. “That is certainly within your rights,” Gardiner finally replied. “Will you not be needed in town to make the legal arrangements?”

“It does not matter. I often do business from a distance and while I travel,” Darcy explained. “I will visit my godfather first thing in the morning instead of waiting for dinner.”

“May I speak frankly?” Gardiner asked. At Darcy’s nod, he continued. “I do not think more time in the company of your future in-laws would do you any good. You would be exasperated and indignant by the time the wedding happened.” He clapped his hands behind his back. “I mean no insult, but I wonder if a wedding would happen at all.”

Darcy’s eyes widened at what he perceived as an insult to his honour. Elizabeth placed a hand on his arm, and he instantly calmed. After taking a deep breath, he saw that Mr Gardiner did not mean anything offensive.

“I realise you do not know me well, sir. I fear my supposed reputation proceeds me. I have been labelled proud and taciturn, and my family’s legacy does not help. Please, remember I am not my parents. I do not make promises I will not keep. I have given Elizabeth my word, and I will marry her.” He turned his attention to his betrothed. “I hope she mirrors that sentiment. Unless she tells me that she does not desire my presence before the ceremony, I will go and endure what I must. It will be but a short trial compared to the felicity I expect to have with her as my companion for life.”

Elizabeth continued to meet his eyes, and her hand around his arm tightened. “I want you there, William.”

When she uttered his name of her own free will, he nearly kissed her right there. Suppressing his impulses, he settled for squeezing her hand. Then, he led her to the door a few feet away. “Thank you, Elizabeth.”

He opened his mouth to say more, but speech failed him. What words could do justice to the feelings in his heart? They were emotions that he could not speak to her until they were welcome. Even then, he had little enough experience with ever voicing tender thoughts. He certainly had never seen it modelled.

“We leave at nine,” Elizabeth said.

“Then, I will be here promptly.”

“There is no need to accompany us—”

“I wish to see you safely to Longbourn. In a few days, I will vow to honour and protect you. I shall start now.”

“Thank you,” she murmured, a tear streaking down her cheek.

He caught it with his thumb and then cradled her face. “I do not know why you are so unaccustomed to being cared for. You are precious to me. I—” He forced himself to cease the sentence. His confession nearly tumbled from his mouth without any conscious thought. “I will see you in the morning. Sleep well, Elizabeth.”

Then, because he could no longer resist, he gave her the lightest kiss on her forehead. Her skin was soft and smooth, and he longed to further caress her face with his lips. One day, he hoped, he would be given that right. He saw himself to the door as Elizabeth remained rooted in place. Just before he exited, he glanced over his shoulder. His betrothed had turned a beautiful shade of pink and gazed at him with a soft smile.

He had never feared and thrilled at anything more than the thought of courting Elizabeth.