Page 57 of Tracing Holland

I’m startled from my reverie by a hand on my thigh, and glance over to meet Holland’s compassionate gaze.We don’t speak, we don’t have to, and I capture her fingers in mine.I don’t want to let go.I’m tired of fighting her, this, myself.I’m tired of the past weighing down my present, dictating my future.There’s something breaking through, hope, maybe.Something that’s making this constant effort at punishing myself even more exhausting than usual.

“You know, I could watch you think for hours.It’s fascinating,” she observes suddenly, and I feel the slightest crack of a smile spread across my lips.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.Which is probably a good thing because that’s pretty much all I get in these conversations.”

My smile widens into a grin, and I finally dare a look back at her.Her own eyes are alive with humor, and I actually suck in my breath at the effect of her light on my scarred soul.

“I just gave you an entire paragraph.That was a full-on legitimate speech.”

“Yep.”She drops the simple word between us for effect, and this time I actually laugh.

“Yep,” I echo, sliding my arm around her.It was the right move, and I love how effortlessly she settles against me.

“Hey, Luke?”

“Yeah?”

“I have one more secret.”

“What’s that?”

She glances up at me.“You should know that I’m going to be taking your newfound virginity as soon as we get to Philly.”

9

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

September 23-27

I’m at her door the second we receive our room assignments from Kenneth.I barely even drop my hand from knocking.

“Thank god,” Holland breathes, pulling me inside and pushing me up against the solid wood.

We attack each other with a hunger that’s been building since that first longing glance, the first time our bodies committed to what our brains would fight for days.

My shirt is on the floor before I even realize it’s moving, my jeans unbuttoned as we maneuver toward the bed.Sixteen months.Her mouth is tangling all coherent thoughts in my head, blurring them into a blinding white light as her hands slide over me, forcing my body to surrender to her every command.It’s hers, every muscle, every nerve, and when we finally make it to the bed, I can’t help but wonder how I managed to stop this from happening so many times.I don’t know if I should admire or skewer myself for the lunacy.

“You’re in your head again,” she warns.“Stop thinking.”

I smile against her lips and let her shove me down.She tugs at my jeans, and I help kick them off before flipping her over to return the favor.She grins as I work at her straps and clasps, then pulls me back to her once we’re both free of the final barriers.

Our kisses are more fervent now, more urgent in their need to connect us in the impossible.We know we can’t get close enough, not like this, but it doesn’t stop us from trying.

“Damn, you’re beautiful.Perfect,” I observe, suddenly pulling back and gazing down at the goddess beneath me.

“Not as beautiful as we are together,” she returns, lacing her fingers with mine and kissing them.

My heart is ready to explode, along with every other inch of me if I don’t do something soon, and I move back to meet her mouth.She hasn’t let go of my hand, and I push it above her head, clasped firmly in mine.I won’t let go this time.I hold on, even as my other hand freely explores her incredible body.

She clenches her eyes shut as my fingers move over her, gently at first, then more deliberate as I read her reactions.Her slight groan sends my own blood searing through me, and when she arches to receive my touch, the fire nearly consumes me.I need this woman.I need to be inside her, to intertwine my essence with hers.I need…

I freeze.

For one minute and forty-seven seconds, I was with Holland Drake.For one minute and forty-seven seconds, I didn’t think about Elena Barrett Craven.

“Luke?Luke, what is it?”