Page 110 of Tracing Holland

”Man, how do you have it so together?”he mumbles, leaning back against the cushions.“I swear, most days I feel like I’m in way over my head.”

He’s not trying to be funny, so I hold in my instinctive laugh.But the thought of Luke Craven having anything under control is a joke in itself.

“None of us has it together, man.What we have are our mistakes.I didn’t learn all this stuff because I’m some philosopher.”

“You messed up.”

“Way more than you even know.”

He sighs.“You really know how to suck the glamor out of being a rockstar, you know that?”

“Yeah?And how glamorous did it feel passed out against a tree next to a homeless guy who probably stole your wallet?”

He gives me a look and grunts.“Fine.Point made.”

“Good.You’re gonna figure it out, I promise.But yeah, you’re also gonna screw up.A lot.”

“You say it like it’s fact.”

“Do you know where I was when I was your age?”I ask.

“Where?”

“Exactly where you are.Dude, you’re not just my friend.You’re me.”

I’m morethan a little nervous about Thanksgiving Dinner.My last big family event wasn’t exactly a cherished memory, and I sense Holland knows where my mind is locked as we pull up to her parents house.

“It’s just us, I promise,” she says, taking my hand.“I warned my parents in no uncertain terms that our relationship is not public and you are not here to meet every person they’ve ever spoken to, ok?”

I nod and force a smile, hating this exasperating insecurity.I’m a freaking rockstar.Fucking Luke Craven, and I’m intimidated by roast chicken and fancy napkins at my girlfriend’s house.

“You’re doing it, Luke…”

“Doing what?”

“That thing you do when you get lost in your head and think things that are going to piss me off.”

I can’t help but smile when she does and shrug.“As advertised, right?”

She laughs and squeezes my hand as we approach the door.

We don’t even have a chance to knock before a young woman I haven’t met yet opens it and throws herself into Holland’s arms.

“Hey, sis!”Holland cries, squeezing back.“Sorry we missed you Sunday.”

“Yeah, stupid partners wouldn’t let me off.”She pulls away and turns to me.“And you must be Luke.Hi, I’m Hannah, Holland’s favorite sister.”

“I heard that!”someone calls from the house.

Hannah smirks and waves us inside.

I brace myself for the worst, and I’m actually relieved when the house turns out to be much emptier than I’d expected.True to her word, this really does appear to be an exclusive dinner.Sylvie flies at me, nearly tackling me with a giant hug, and follows it up with one for Holland.

“Hi, Sylvie.Good to see you again.I brought a gift this time,” I say, handing her the bag.

Her eyes light up as she grabs it with a screech and starts digging through the contents.Each bit of swag elicits a new sound, and Holland and I exchange several amused glances.

“Wait, there’s more,” Holland announces.“It’s on my phone, but you have Luke to thank.Hang on, I’ll forward it to you.”