Page 39 of Tracing Holland

I’m the reason you’ve lost faith, your sin

But I’m a liar, don’t believe me, please don’t believe me

Guide me toward the light, I swear I’ll follow

Hold me til the hollowness is gone

These tears mean nothing in the darkness

Don’t believe what I am.

I need you to believe when I can’t

That I’m more, more than I am.”

It’s not until I stop playing, the waves once again filling the darkness with their chorus, that I realize the party below is silent as well.

I wakeup the next morning to a slip of paper under my door.I pick it up and try to calm my racing heart as I scan the elegant text.

You are a liar, Luke, and a damn good one.But no one can ever believe enough for you, not until you do.I hope you find your peace.

- H

6

Charlotte, North Carolina

September 20

It’s going to be another brutal stretch: Charlotte, Richmond, and Baltimore.Three stops in three days.Kenneth started hyperventilating the second we boarded the bus in Myrtle Beach, and Tess is doing her best to keep everyone else from quitting.For my part, I’m content just lying low, trying to survive our schedule and my own twisting brain as best I can.I exhaustmyself.I can’t imagine what it’s like for other people to deal with me.

I’m on my way to catering to grab something to eat when I catch a glimpse of Jesse, Limelight’s frontman, release an angry curse at his phone before shoving it in his pocket.I change course and approach him, squinting against the mid-day sun.

“Everything ok?”I ask.Jesse seems startled, then embarrassed.

“Oh, hey, Luke.Yeah, fine.”

I smile to disarm the moment.“You seemed pretty upset at your phone,” I observe, and he grunts, running his hand through his shoulder-length hair.He’s a good kid, extremely talented, but he makes Casey seem ancient.I’d be surprised if he’s all of twenty-two.It was a huge break for Jesse and the Limelight boys to book this tour with us, but it’s also a lot to absorb for your first major spotlight.

Limelight was an up-and-coming local Philly band when the Label stumbled upon them to open for our tour.A regional phenomenon, but relatively unknown nationally.Not anymore.I feel for the kid.I know how seductive instant success can be.I also know how devastating.It nearly destroyed me, and I’ll admit, I’ve been secretly keeping my eye on Jesse since the tour began.He has an epic voice for such a young kid and an enviable instinct for music, but also the same doe-eyed approach to Celebrity that almost put me in the ground.Several times.

“The Label hated my work tape,” he mutters, glaring at the pavement.“I really thought this one had something, but they don’t even want to pursue it.”

I sigh.“Yeah.Been there.”

He looks up again, surprised.“Wait, really?They’ve rejected your stuff?”

I laugh.“Um, yeah.Like, all the time.”

“Seriously?They said no to Luke Craven?No way.”

I shake my head with a grin and sit on the ledge beside him.

“Ok, well, first off, I wasn’t alwaysLuke Craven.I used to just be Luke Craven, some dude from some band called Night Shifts Black.And second of all, yeah.They own you, man.Mind, body, and soul.Didn’t anyone warn you you were selling your soul when you signed?”

“Hell, no,” he spits, and scrapes at a crack in the sidewalk with his shoe.“I just wanted to play music.That’s all I ever wanted.I didn’t know about all this other shit.”

I nod and sigh.“Yeah, that’s all any of us wanted in the beginning.But that’s not the way it works, unfortunately.Every success comes with a new burden of expectations.Each reward has a higher price.You keep going until you reach the threshold of what you can afford to pay.”I smile.“Or at least until you can afford to pay someone else to bear the brunt of it for you.”