Page 41 of Tracing Holland

I swallow, but don’t look up.“Yeah?I figured, based on your note.”

“You got it then,” she observes.

“Yep.”

Silence.I can feel her amusement.“That’s it?‘Yep’?”

I meet her gaze again.“Yes.Yes, I got it.”

She stares at me in disbelief, and finally grins when I do.“You’re ridiculous, you know that?”

I smile.“Sometimes.And thanks, Holland.Really.Your note meant a lot.”I don’t need to tell her I stuffed it in my pocket and actually have it on me now.That I’ve read it about a hundred times and it still stirs something deep inside that scares the crap out of me.

She shrugs and settles back into her seat.“You’re welcome.I meant it, you know.I keep thinking about what happened, and I understand it all I think.I understand you.I know what you’re doing.Why you push people away.”

I turn back to my amp.It’s a lot safer than the look on her face.“Yeah?”

“Yeah.You think you’re protecting us or something.From yourself.”

It takes everything in me not to react.“If that’s really true, I’d highly recommend letting me do that,” I say quietly, desperately hoping this amp can counteract the effect of her presence.I’m not optimistic.

“I saw you with Jesse, too.You two looked intense, so I’m guessing you were talking him through something.”

“I’m not surprised since you stalk me, apparently.”

She laughs, and I offer a quick smile before turning away again.

“I’m just saying, you really suck at being a dick.I mean, like really bad.”

I laugh again, resting my forehead on the amp for a second before glancing back at her.“Yeah?Well, I used to be a lot better at it.”

“So I’ve heard.Research and all that.”

I shrug.She grows serious and studies me.

“Look, I’m sorry about what happened at the pool.I get it, I do.And I agree, we shouldn’t have hooked up, even if you could have been a big boy in how you communicated your feelings instead of acting like a total ass.But I don’t buy your final stance for one second.I do think we can be friends.In fact, I think we have to be in order to finish this tour, and I want to make it work.Can we do that?I promise, no sex until you’re ready, darling.”

“Oh my god,” I laugh, amused, warmed, challenged, all at once.This woman...I shake my head.She’s freaking amazing.There’s no other explanation.“Of course.I’m sorry, too.Whether I was an effective dick or not, I shouldn’t have tried, and I’m sorry.We’ll make the friend thing work.”

She slaps her knees before rising.“Ok, good.Oh, and one more thing.I want to steal some of that new bridge we did for ‘Perfect Storm,’ if you don’t mind.Those incidentals you threw in and the extra couple lines after the verse were sick.”

I grin.“Sure.But only if you let me come out for a cameo when you do it.”

Her eyes widen, and I love that I’m finally able to shock her in a good way.“Wait, what?Are you serious?”

I shrug.“Yeah, I’d love to do ‘Perfect Storm’ with you on stage.”

“No freaking way!”

I can’t help but laugh.“Well, I mean, they’re my incidentals so you owe me…”

“I oweyou?Are you kidding me?Thank you!Luke…thank you!”

I can tell she’s about to hug me, but thinks better of it.I’m glad because I’m not ready for that fight again either.

“How about tonight?”I suggest.

“Wait, tonight?”