Page 102 of Tracing Holland

“I guess not.”

“Good.Because you know what I did this afternoon?”

“What?”

She fishes through her purse and pulls out a piece of folded notebook paper.“Here.”

“What’s this?”

“A list.”

“A list?”

She nods.

“A list of what?”

“Of all the pros and cons of dating you.”

I almost choke.“And you want me to read this?”

She shrugs.“Yeah, actually I do.It surprised me, so I think it will surprise you.”

I accept the frightening document and unfold it with more than a little apprehension.My heart is beating wildly, thudding against my chest as I glance down at the neat, meticulous strokes.There are actually pros.Shock number one.

Pros:

He’s deep, intelligent – a lifetime of layers to unravel

Disgustingly talented – we can grow from each other

He understands our world, the struggle of the spotlight

Sexy as hell - duh.

He fights so hard without knowing it – he fights for me

He touches people without trying

Jesse!How he looks out for him and turns his scars into someone else’s lifeline

He has no idea how amazing he is, even though everyone else can see it

He makes me feel like I’m the most important person in his universe

He needs me and I want to be needed

Cons:

He doesn’t believe in himself.Maybe he never will.Can I believe enough for both of us?Do I have a choice when the thought of living without him causes physical pain?

I stare at the note.Reading, re-reading.I don’t know what to do with it.I don’t know what words could possibly come next.The fact that she has any pros leaves me speechless.The fact that this is her heart leaves me breathless.

“Keep it,” she whispers as I start to fold it back up to return to her.“Let it replace the other one.”

I feel the hot prick of tears in my eyes as I nod and grip the priceless treasure in my hand.I still don’t know what to say, and do the only thing that makes sense at that moment: take her hand and determine to never let go.

“That’s it there.Second house on the left,” Holland directs to the driver, and I follow her instructions as well.Sure enough, an adorable brick two-story is packed narrowly among a line of similar structures on the well-kept street.A middle-aged couple rises from their porch chairs at the approach of our cab and Holland is already out of her seat.