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Nardi nods and I glance away, noticing the sun disappearing into the trees and dusk spreading across the horizon.
“But when you planned that ‘year in a day’ event…”
“Right. I remember that.”
“It hit me in a second. I’d rather live a day more if it meant spending that day with you.”
She nuzzles against my chest. “Did you ever regret not having me there while you were getting treatment?”
“I missed you every day, but I didn’t want you there,” I say firmly. “I wanted you to live your life outside of a hospital. I wanted you to pursue your dreams and make happy memories. That’s what I’ve always wanted for you.”
Nardi blinks, hurt spreading through her expression.
I rub her back, soothing her. “I love you more than death. I was willing to go to battle for you, but I didn’t want you on the battlefield with me.”
She chews on her bottom lip. Disagreement is etched into her frown. “I know you feel that way, Cullen. But I don’t want to be left behind because of your fears. Inside or outside of the hospital, I’m happy if I’m with you.” Her fingers slide into mine. “If we fight together, we have a better chance of winning than if you fight alone.”
“I know.” I kiss her forehead. She’s pretty even when she cries and it amazes me that a woman as stunning as Nardi Davis loves me.
“It hurt so much to lose you, Cullen.” Her eyes get teary.
“I’m sorry, baby. I’m sorry. I don’t like that I made you cry,” I whisper, my heart throbbing. “But I thought it was better this way. The doctors had terribly low projections. They were very clear that the surgery was risky. Things could go wrong at any stage. I didn’t want to give you hope only to wrench it away again.”
“But you’re here. You beat the odds.” There’s far too much hope in her voice.
I glance away because this is the hardest part of the conversation. “Sort of.”
“What does that mean?” She inhales shakily.
“I’m still not completely healthy. I’m… I’m still dying, Nardi.”
“H-how much time do you have?”
“Five years max. One year… objectively.”
She goes very still.
My chest heaves on a sigh. “I struggled a lot with whether I should come to you. At first, the treatments weren’t working. And then I had so much trouble with the valve.” I press a hand to my chest.
Nardi splays her hand on top of mine, staring through my T-shirt as if she can see the implanted mechanism.
“There were days I came really close to dying and I was terrified that it would be the end for me. I wasn’t planning on revealing myself to you because I didn’t want you to go through the cycle of loving me and losing me all over again. I intentionally cut off contact with anyone in your world, even old acquaintances of mine, because I didn’t want you to know I was alive.”
Her mouth tightens.
I brace myself for a scolding, but Nardi simply inhales deep, calming breaths. She closes her eyes, composes herself and then asks in a quiet voice, “Do you know what I kept thinking after I lost you, Cullen?”
I wait silently.
“One more,” Nardi breathes.
I squeeze my eyes shut, emotions overwhelming me.
Her sweet, fiercely determined voice rings through the dusk. “One more hug, one more kiss, one more conversation. It was all I could think about.” She twists around so she can look me right in the eyes. “You and I are a team. You were there for me. I want to be there for you, even if it means chasing you to the ends of the earth and walking barefoot to hell and back.”
There’s not a hint of hesitation in her voice or in her eyes. I fully believe her.
Guilt twists my heart. “You deserve a man who’s healthy. In a few years, I won’t be around to love you like you deserve. It’s not fair to you,” I whisper.