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Eighteen
NARDI
I don’t think I can do it. I don’t think I can hate him.
Sure, I don’t likeeverythingCullen does. The way he butts into my life, the way he secretly orders bodyguards to spy on me, the way he nags and nags me at every turn is annoying.
But how can Inotfall for him when he looks at me so tenderly? When he keeps denying his own happiness to secure my family’s?
The more I push him away, the more Cullen shows up right when I need him. The more he shows up for me, the more attractive I find him.
It’s getting very, very hard not to jump that man at his earliest convenience.
But it’s more than just physical. I want to soothe his pain away.
I want him to be happy.
Which is awful.
Truly.
It stinks.
Cullen asked me not to fall in love with him. And it’s not like I’m gung-ho about falling in love with a dying man either.
I’m not stupid. I know what pain and heartbreak feels like and I don’t ever want to travel that road again. Yet, here I am, trapped in a race car in turbo mode, flying past all the ‘Heartbreak Here, Do Not Enter’ signs.
The more I try to jump out of the car, the more the car speeds up.
It’s Cullen’s fault for being so flippingsweet.
He put Cathleen and the PTA moms in their place just by showing up. He rolled up his sleeves to do the dirty work in the gym, refusing to let me lift a finger even though he’s a germaphobe who despises getting dirty.
He told me to keep my walls intact when he’s the one constantly battering against them. Seriously, who could withstand that? I’m not made of steel. Eventually, I’m going to crumble.
Iamcrumbling.
Thankfully, I don’t have to battle these tumultuous thoughts in front of Cullen because he takes me home so I can rest a bit before going to the hospital. It feels like hours have passed but, when I enter the apartment, mom and Josiah are still sleeping.
Restlessly, I clean the house from top to bottom until mom gets up. She catches me balancing on a chair, a feather duster in my hands as I wipe the ceiling fan in the living room.
“Nardi Davis,whatdo you think you’re doing?” Mom scolds.
“Ah!” I teeter on the chair. “Mom, you scared me. I almost fell.”
“That would have been your own fault. Get down from there.” Mom tugs me to the ground and snatches the feather duster from me. “Are you trying to break your other arm?”
As mom glares at me, I start grinning.
She makes a face. “What’s wrong with you? Why are you smirking like a lunatic?”
“Because it’s been a really long morning and I missed you.”
She rolls her eyes, but a smile brightens her face. “You big baby. Sit down while I make breakfast.”
“What are you making?” I ask.
“Fry jacks.”