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The truth makes me crumple into a chair. “That was out of line, mom.”
“What did you want me to do? Sit idly by and twiddle my thumbs while watching my one and only daughter gun headfirst into heartbreak? I couldn’t. No, Irefuseto. He needed to understand how much you’d lost to see my way of things.”
“Is that why you wanted to break the lease?” My eyes widen and I remember the sign on Cullen Tech. “Did you force Cullen to move?”
“No, I did not. He made that decision on his own. But it was the right one.”
“Right forwho?”
“Foryou.” My mother grabs my shoulders, lightly shaking me. “You’d torture yourself living upstairs of his company, constantly being reminded of him. You’d think of him every time you saw his staff or ran into someone you knew on his team. The pain would never end. I couldn’t let that happen to you.”
She pulls back, her face twisted in regret. “I won’t be here forever, Nardi. My visa will expire in a few months and I’ll be gone.” She snaps. “Just like that. I don’t want to fly to Belize knowing you’d suffer alone the way you suffered last time. I want to be here for you and put you back on your feet before I leave. He wanted that too. That’s why he brought me here.”
The floor shifts under me.
I stare at mom in horror. “What?”
She glances away. “He’s the reason my Visa was finally approved. He even paid for the plane ticket.”
I’m on my feet and scrambling to the door before I even fully realize what I’m doing.
Mom stops me. “Where are you going?”
“Please step aside.”
“Don’t leave tonight,” she insists.
“I saidstep aside,mom.”
Mom remains in place, her stance firm.
“Mom…” My voice wavers, “please.” Emotions overwhelm me and I struggle to put my thoughts into words. “I didn’t have a choice when Malcolm left me. I didn’t have a choice when the doctors told me I can never have the one thing I wanted so badly.” I press my fingers over my stomach, my voice breaking.“Life didn’tgiveme a choice. But I finally have one. I can choose to stay. I can choose to hurt.”
Mom advances on me, her own tears wetting her face. “Those memories might not be fresh for you, but they are for me. I remember crying with you on the phone for hours. I remember the days you could barely get up. I remember when you told me you wanted to die and I was so scared. I wanted more than anything to come to you and I couldn’t.”
A tear spills down my cheek.
“I’m not trying to take away your choice,” mom says desperately. “I’m trying to remove anything in your way that could hurt you.”
“Mom—”
“Sure, we all want to have choices, but who would choose to hurt?”
Wiping away a tear, I whisper firmly, “I do.”
“You don’t know what you’re saying.”
“Yes, I do. I do, mom. If it’s for him, I’ll choose to hurt.”
Mom squeezes her eyes shut as if she can’t take another second of this conversation. “Please… just stay home for now. Wait until we all calm down.”
“I’m sorry.” I step past my mother, snatch the keys from the hook on the door and hurry to my car.
I’m halfway down the freeway before I realize that I don’t know where Cullen lives.
I call Sunny.
“Hey, Nardi. Just a sec.” She calls to her son. “Micheal! Don’t you dare enter The Diamond Forest without me.”