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“What are you thinking?” Nardi asks, noticing my expression.
Usually, I wouldn’t share what’s on my mind, too afraid to be judged or misunderstood. But Nardi is an amazing listener and Iwantto share my inner dialogue with her. Life is too short not to say the important things.
“I’m thinking… that maybe I shouldn’t be here with you. That maybe your mom was right and I’ll only hurt you by keeping you close.” I exhale roughly, frustrated. “Sometimes, I think… the longer I linger in your present, the more entangled I’ll be with your future. If I’d been strong enough to keep pushing you away, maybe you would have hated me. And if you’d hated me, you wouldn’t have any reason to regret when I’m gone.”
She lifts her chin. “I won’t have regrets.”
“That’s a bold claim.”
“Have you ever heard of the multiverse theory?”
I arch a brow in shock. “Haveyouheard of the multiverse theory?”
She smiles and explains, “I watched a documentary with Josiah once. And while it sounded like mumbo-jumbo to me, I learned this.” Her arms come around my neck. “In life, there are an unlimited number of options. No matter what path someone chooses, they can always think ‘what if I’d chosen another road?’.” Nardi lifts a finger. “There’s only one way to avoid that.”
“How?” I breathe.
“By accepting that we are who we are because of those choices. I’m okay with how this story ends, Cullen. I’m proud of every decision I made that led me to you.”
I look down at her with a soft grin. “That was very romantic. Very intellectual.”
She laughs at my teasing. “Maybe it’s the fact that time is running out and I…” She pauses. “I’ve become more reflective.”
I nod. “I understand. I feel the same way.”
Silence falls swiftly. The promise of my death rises like a zombie in the room, breathing down our necks and sending shadows skittering over the floor. Running away from the inevitable darkness, I nudge her to start our day’s festivities.
Our Thanksgiving kicks off with more food than either of us can eat, and our Christmas is the very definition of merry. We watch a Christmas movie, our arms and legs tangled together. And then we spend far too much time under the mistletoe
“We need to do New Year’s now,” Nardi says, pushing me away as my lips skate down her neck and my hands delve under her shirt.
I smirk. “Are you sure we should be moving on from Christmas?”
“Cullen, we can’t spend all day under the mistletoe.”
Chuckling, I clarify, “No, I meant… something feels missing.” My eyes dart to the twinkling Christmas tree. Everything is there. The star, the lights, the ornaments.
Suddenly, it hits me.
Gifts. There are no gifts under the tree.
Without warning, I slip away to my computer room and quickly wrap an object in a piece of paper. It’s the ugliest wrapping in the history of mankind, but I don’t allow myself to second guess it. I return to Nardi with the object behind my back and then present it with a flourish.
“It didn’t feel right to not exchange gifts on Christmas.”
Her eyes widen. “What is it?”
I shrug.
Hesitantly, Nardi opens the wrapping and pulls out a sparkling wedding ring.
Her jaw drops and she looks at me in shock.
“When I thought I’d never see you again, I threw the ring away and tossed the box.” I shake my head. “But it felt like the worst mistake. I ran all over my backyard looking for that ring until I found it. Whether or not we ever get married, that ring belongs to you.”
“Thank you.” Nardi grips my upper arm. “I love it.”
“Do you want me to put it on?” I ask.