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It took her asking me like that, so bluntly and with her heart on the line, for me to realize I’d failed to make her truly happy and secure without that being understood or conveyed between us.
As I gave up on sleep, I got carried away with thinking back to all those times that she’d tried to ask me. Little hints here and there. She’d tried to ease into the topic of what would happen after she was pregnant, and I’d shut down all of those attempts at conversation.
Part of my reluctance to answer her was because I didn’t know what to say. I had been struggling for a while with how to view her as something more than the woman I’d knock up because she felt like more. That fear of commitment held me back, but now as I owned up to it, I was cautiously eager to fix it.
She didn’t have to fear my taking our child from her.
If we could continue to mutually work on trusting each other, she would always be here with our son or daughter.
Always be here withme.
I got up to look at the ring again, knowing that no matter how much I tried to resist the idea of forever, I already had her in mind for it.
Satisfied that I had a plan to move forward with, I set the ring back in the box, dreaming of what it’d look like on her finger. Stowing the case in my pocket again, I trudged back to bed and resolved that this would be the last night that I would torment both of us with this distance.
She had her first appointment tomorrow, and I couldn’t wait for a chance to learn about my son or daughter.
And then I’d find a way to explain to Sloane that I wanted to learn everything about her for the rest of my life.
39
SLOANE
“You ready?”
I looked up at the elevator doors sliding open, furrowing my brow at the informal greeting.
All the Ivanov guards and soldiers deferred to me more politely than that. They were trained to be polite and formal, always.
But it was Nik, Maxim’s brother, waiting for me with a cocky smirk instead of a guard.
“Nik?” I raised my brows. I didn’t have many chances to get to know the other Ivanov brothers. I seldom spent a long time with them, but between Damon, Nik, and Saul, I had to admit that I was getting along best with Nik. Maxim explained that he was often away as a spy, and I wondered if I was mistaking Nik’s charisma for a more cunning skill he relied on for espionage. “What are you doing here?”
He strolled into the apartment, hands in his pockets. “I’m your guard today.”
“You?” I stood, hating how nervous I was for this appointment.
He huffed a light laugh. “What? Not good enough?”
“No!” I shook my head, going toward him. “No, no. Not at all.” In fact, I was glad to speak with him. It beat the isolation that had become my life since I told Maxim I was pregnant. What should have ended up as a happy moment for him became the wedge that drove us apart.
He smiled as we entered the elevator. “Nervous?”
I nodded, not even trying to hide. “So fucking nervous.”
He chuckled. “How come?”
I furrowed my brow, wondering if he thought I’d just found out about this pregnancy.
“You’ve had a while to get used to being pregnant, so what’s new now?” While his question was given casually, I picked up on the sarcasm.
“He told you?” I peeked at him.
“That you were pregnantbeforehe took you from the club? Yeah.” He watched me, giving me no chance to get shy or look away as we rode down.
“Well, I’m nervous that Maxim hates me for not telling him sooner.”
He shook his head. “I doubt that.”