Page 93
Story: The Bratva's Captive
You shouldn’t have ever tried to keep this a secret.
But I had. Because until the idea of love whispered to my soul, I had been so afraid that telling him that I was pregnant would mean he wouldn’t desire me anymore. Because until I considered that wewerecommitting without labeling it, I had been so scared that I was nothing more than an expendable thing to release and cast away once I handed over my child to him.
Dreading his reaction once we were back to his building, I resisted the horrible visions in my mind.
Now that he knew, I’d be moved out of his apartment and shoved into a guest room for more isolation.
That now that he knew, I’d be expected to stay as a broodmare and then be kicked out once I gave birth.
He didn’t speak once we were parked in a huge garage. Following his silent lead and that of the Ivanov guards with us, I got out of the car when the door was opened. Then I trudged along behind him as I was directed back into the house.
On the way up in the elevator, silence reigned between us. Without any soldiers or guards in the elevator car, the angst and anger felt heavier, like the air was just too thick to fully breathe well.
The doors slid open, and I followed him into his apartment. As he loosened his tie, he cracked his neck and drew in a deep breath of air, as if he had to steady himself.
“Sit.”
I didn’t ask where. It hardly mattered. After I dropped onto the couch, I wrung my hands together and stared at him as he paced. And paced some more.
“You knew and didn’t think to tell me?” He didn’t stop, biting out that harsh accusation and question as he paced.
“I wasn’t sure how to tell you,” I admitted, hating how nervous I sounded.
I was stronger than this.
But I was also a pathetic coward. I had to be one if it took me this long to come clean.
“How can you even know?” He shot me a scathing look. “You haven’t taken a test. You haven’t had symptoms or…” He shook his head. “I was just planning to order tests since you’d been here for a month.”
“I did take a test.”
He stopped short and tilted his head, studying me intensely. “Do not fucking lie to me. No one in this building would’ve provided you with a test and kept it a secret from me.”
I licked my lips, knowing I couldn’t hide any longer. It all had to come out now. My silly idea to pretend he’d knocked me up since kidnapping me wouldn’t have ever worked.
“Before.”
He didn’t move, intimidating me with the fury burning in his dark eyes. “Before?”
“I took a test before. Before that night when you showed up at the club.”
Blinking quickly, he showed the first sign of being surprised now. “Before?—”
“That night when we first met and I…” I cleared my throat, hating the threat of tears burning in my eyes. He was aloof and mad, but that wasn’t what made me so emotional and uncharacteristically close to tears now. It was me. My guilt. I hated myself for ever losing his trust before he’d even given it to me.
“That night when I danced for you in the private room and thanked you for saving me from those men. That’s when…” I held my hands out, gesturing abstractly like an idiot. “That’s when you knocked me up.”
“All this fucking time…” he growled.
I nodded. “I was pregnant before you kidnapped me.”
He dropped back into pacing, as if he’d go insane if he didn’t move. “How do you know it’s mine?”
I narrowed my eyes, hating how cruel he was. “Because you’re the only man I’ve had sex with in a year.”
“You were pregnant when I kidnapped you.” It should’ve been a question but he stated it hotly as if he had to confirm it verbally.
“Yes. I think, no, I know that’s why I was so weak that night. I was so hungry and tired and thirsty and I couldn’t manage dancing that many nights in a row. That’s why I was staggering on the stage and why Lenny was mad at me for not performing as I should have. And when…” I cleared my throat again, needing to clear the thick emotion that had me so clogged up and awkward. “When you came and saw him hitting me and then killed him, I passed out, and I’ve been here since.”
But I had. Because until the idea of love whispered to my soul, I had been so afraid that telling him that I was pregnant would mean he wouldn’t desire me anymore. Because until I considered that wewerecommitting without labeling it, I had been so scared that I was nothing more than an expendable thing to release and cast away once I handed over my child to him.
Dreading his reaction once we were back to his building, I resisted the horrible visions in my mind.
Now that he knew, I’d be moved out of his apartment and shoved into a guest room for more isolation.
That now that he knew, I’d be expected to stay as a broodmare and then be kicked out once I gave birth.
He didn’t speak once we were parked in a huge garage. Following his silent lead and that of the Ivanov guards with us, I got out of the car when the door was opened. Then I trudged along behind him as I was directed back into the house.
On the way up in the elevator, silence reigned between us. Without any soldiers or guards in the elevator car, the angst and anger felt heavier, like the air was just too thick to fully breathe well.
The doors slid open, and I followed him into his apartment. As he loosened his tie, he cracked his neck and drew in a deep breath of air, as if he had to steady himself.
“Sit.”
I didn’t ask where. It hardly mattered. After I dropped onto the couch, I wrung my hands together and stared at him as he paced. And paced some more.
“You knew and didn’t think to tell me?” He didn’t stop, biting out that harsh accusation and question as he paced.
“I wasn’t sure how to tell you,” I admitted, hating how nervous I sounded.
I was stronger than this.
But I was also a pathetic coward. I had to be one if it took me this long to come clean.
“How can you even know?” He shot me a scathing look. “You haven’t taken a test. You haven’t had symptoms or…” He shook his head. “I was just planning to order tests since you’d been here for a month.”
“I did take a test.”
He stopped short and tilted his head, studying me intensely. “Do not fucking lie to me. No one in this building would’ve provided you with a test and kept it a secret from me.”
I licked my lips, knowing I couldn’t hide any longer. It all had to come out now. My silly idea to pretend he’d knocked me up since kidnapping me wouldn’t have ever worked.
“Before.”
He didn’t move, intimidating me with the fury burning in his dark eyes. “Before?”
“I took a test before. Before that night when you showed up at the club.”
Blinking quickly, he showed the first sign of being surprised now. “Before?—”
“That night when we first met and I…” I cleared my throat, hating the threat of tears burning in my eyes. He was aloof and mad, but that wasn’t what made me so emotional and uncharacteristically close to tears now. It was me. My guilt. I hated myself for ever losing his trust before he’d even given it to me.
“That night when I danced for you in the private room and thanked you for saving me from those men. That’s when…” I held my hands out, gesturing abstractly like an idiot. “That’s when you knocked me up.”
“All this fucking time…” he growled.
I nodded. “I was pregnant before you kidnapped me.”
He dropped back into pacing, as if he’d go insane if he didn’t move. “How do you know it’s mine?”
I narrowed my eyes, hating how cruel he was. “Because you’re the only man I’ve had sex with in a year.”
“You were pregnant when I kidnapped you.” It should’ve been a question but he stated it hotly as if he had to confirm it verbally.
“Yes. I think, no, I know that’s why I was so weak that night. I was so hungry and tired and thirsty and I couldn’t manage dancing that many nights in a row. That’s why I was staggering on the stage and why Lenny was mad at me for not performing as I should have. And when…” I cleared my throat again, needing to clear the thick emotion that had me so clogged up and awkward. “When you came and saw him hitting me and then killed him, I passed out, and I’ve been here since.”
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