Page 95

Each time I woke up with a start, I fought the urge to return to the apartment and see that she was all right. Just to see. But I resisted.
I couldn’t cave.
I’d caved way too much as it was, wanting her and starting to wish I could trust her and not my instinct that she was hiding something.
Because she had been. My gut was never wrong. Ever since I’d suspected she could be keeping a secret from me, I hadn’t been able to convince myself that she was the woman who’d prove me wrong. That Icouldtrust her.
Maintaining my distance from her was the only way I could keep control of this anger.
Anger at myself for wanting to trust her and commit to her forever.
Anger at her for not being able to trust me about our child.
Of course, I would keep her after the baby was born. It was such a ludicrous statement for her to say that. But every day and night that I stayed away from her, I began to see how little reason I’d given her to trustme.
All my life, I’d grown up not to trust women. They’d only ever been good enough to last for one night, one fuck.
I’d never considered that I could give a woman little reason to trustme.
It was all fucked up.Ifucked up. And I had no clue how to move past it.
Moving past this dilemma of Sloane not telling me she was pregnant was complicated because of everything else, too. We were still looking for a target to hit back at for poisoning our father. Saul got into a turf war too. Nik was acting more and more secretive, to the point I worried about what was going on in his mind.
I was torn up inside, wanting to stay away from Sloane as a punishment for lying by omission. I was ripped apart, wishing Icould apologize and get us to a point where we wouldn’t have any trust issues.
More than anything, I was desperate for all the details about this baby.
And still, I had to manage the worry about my father’s slow recovery. I had to linger in power and do my best at taking over.
Knocks sounded on the office door, and I looked up. Seeing the maid I put in charge of delivering Sloane’s food, I was worried immediately. “What happened?”
She shook her head, almost sympathetically. “Nothing, Maxim. Nothing that I can tell. It’s just that…” She shrugged and held her hands in front of her. “It’s just that she’s not eating well.”
I furrowed my brow. “Is it morning sickness?”
She shrugged, then shook her head. “No. I suspect that would’ve started earlier, and she’s shown no sign of it so far.”
I nodded. “That’s true.” I considered the older woman, wishing she’d give me advice. “She’ll go to the doctor tomorrow.”
“That is good.” She winced. “If I can be so forward as to make a suggestion?”
“Please.” I sat up, gesturing with my hand for her to speak. I was desperate for help with this situation.
“Perhaps you could go speak with her?” She cringed as soon as she said it, and I realized I hadn’t masked my instant scowl at that idea. “I don’t mean to intrude between you and Miss Black, but when I gather the tray, I see her, and…” She shrugged again.
“And what?”
“She looks heartbroken.” She shook her head again. “Forgive me. It’s not my place to— Oh.” She turned as Grandmother entered the room. She curtseyed and smiled, backing up. “Sorry, Anastasia.”
“No worries.” With a single wave, Grandmother dismissed her.
I stared at her impassively, not in the mood for any judgment from her now. Hearing a report about Sloane being heartbroken fucked me up in a way I’d never been before.
Because that would mean acknowledging thatIbroke her heart.
That I’d had it at all.
Despite my kidnapping her and forcing her to stay with me, she'd gotten to the point that she wanted to give me her heart and hold me in that kind of a connection.