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Grandmother was right. These things took time. Staying patient and calm was important.
And while I waited out the search for answers and while I anticipated the hunt for whoever had trespassed in this home and harmed my father, maybe I could spare the time to look for Sloane.
At the very least, I could go back to that club and see how I could get another private dance from her.
15
SLOANE
Safety would never be a part of my reality.
As draining as it was for every day to be exactly the same, I didn’t relish any more changes and adjustments that I’d have to manage, either.
I’d had enough of life throwing me curveballs.
Learning that I was pregnant was enough of a shocker to handle.
But coming home to find my apartment broken into and trashed was just too much. All my things—not that I had much to begin with—were ruined. My clothes were ripped or stolen. My fridge was raided and left with the doors hanging off crooked. They even stole my damn toaster.
I suspected my neighbor, the single mother, might’ve been behind it because she looked way too damn smug when I reported the incident to the landlord. And that bastard was determined to make my life even harder by saying I was responsible for all the damages and that I’d have to pay him back for repairs, plus interest if I couldn’t pony up for it all now.
That was why I showed up at the club depressed and feeling so beaten down by life. More than usual, I was dragging my feet.
My crappy little apartment was the only home I’d had since coming to New York and it didn’t resemble a safe space at all anymore. Knowing someone had busted in there so easily made me realize how unsafe it had been all along. After I finished work tonight, I had no clue how I’d go “home” without the security of a working door. The landlord didn’t see a reason to hurry on replacing the busted doorknob.
What do I do now?
The allure of running away filled my mind again, but first, I had to get through this shift tonight.
With an empty stomach, so much fatigue I wondered if I’d pass out on the stage from sheer exhaustion, and nauseous from this pregnancy, I hated how badly I was breaking my promise with myself. I vowed to never need anyone, but like this, at rock bottom, I wasn’t sure that I could manage this hard of a life.
To make matters worse—since rock bottom wasn’t already bad enough—Lenny was in charge tonight instead of Brent. Drunk and clearly in a mood, he was more of an asshole than usual. If he wasn’t harping on us dancers to get ready faster, then he was bitching out every other employee who seemed to be moving slower than he wanted them to.
It was going to be one of those kinds of nights, but there was no way out of it.
“What the hell is the matter with you?” he demanded, pausing at the dressing room I had taken to get ready in. He’d paused in his walk through the backstage space, narrowing his eyes at me and snarling. Catching me in the act of lowering my head andrubbing my brow, he seemed to think I was planning on slacking off.
“Get up. Move it.” He smacked his hand on the back of the chair I was seated in, and it wobbled so violently it nearly tipped over. At my panic of falling, he snickered and kicked the leg until it crashed down. I stood just in time, but I had to catch my breath from the fright. I’d only wanted to close my eyes for a moment and talk myself out of this damn headache.
“It ain’t my fault if you stupid bitches stay out too late partying. You’re here on the clock and you’re gonna fucking earn every cent you can.”
A deeper, meaner chuckle trailed after him as he sauntered by to harass other dancers. Of all the managers who worked for the owners, he loved to reap as much of his cut as he could. It wasn’t like he was out there dancing and hanging on to the poles, but he would get a cut of it all anyway.
He was wrong about me. I hadn’t been out partying at all. I had been dealing with the shitty cards life was set to keep giving me. But I knew better than to argue with him. When he was in this sort of sinister mood, it was smarter to just avoid him.
Dressed and made up to dazzle and seduce, I went out on stage on time with all the other girls. The moment I was under the lights and feeling the oppressive, heavy beat of the music vibrating through me, I couldn’t snap into work mode and do anything well. If I wasn’t clumsy and looking like I’d never danced before in my life, I was trying so hard not to cringe at the constant threats of bile creeping up my throat. I missed steps. I bumped into other dancers, who immediately gave me mean looks. When I almost fell off the stage from a wave of horriddizziness, I gave up and knew I had to at least sit down for a moment.
Breathing hard and focusing on the monumental task of simply putting one foot in front of the other to exit the stage, I didn’t see Lenny approaching me. He swept up next to me so suddenly, catching me off guard, that I cried out in alarm and reared away from him.
“What the fuck?” He grabbed me by the upper arm, his fingers like greasy, tight locks as he shook my limb. “What the fuck are you doing?”
“I need…” I licked my lips, desperate for water but also afraid to sip anything because of how queasy my stomach was.
“I’ll be telling you what you need.” His handlebar mustache twitched with his scowl. “You need to get your ass back out there on the fucking stage.” Releasing me with a shove, he followed after me as I slumped against the wall.
My heart hammered so fast that I wondered if I’d drop down here and never get back up. But I had to. I had to stay strong and not quit. Not for myself, but for my baby. Nodding weakly, I agreed with him and tried to turn around.
“Quit stalling, you lazy bitch.” He spun me so quickly I nearly puked, and he gave me such a rough shove that got me back on the stage that I paused for a moment until the whirling in my mind ceased.