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I was already proud of taking her and keeping her in my life. I’d never regret how I’d found her and chosen to protect her as the mother of my future heir, whenever that could happen. I was proud of the chance to take care of her at all.
And I wondered if I could be proud to call her my wife, too. If she would be the reason to push me past my fear and loathing of commitments, because no matter how I wanted to color it or describe it, I was committed to her. I was connected with that strong woman so much that I was impatient to check on her as soon as I could.
35
SLOANE
Inever tried to learn the names of all the guards and soldiers who came and went in the building, but I was vaguely aware that the man who escorted me back to the elevator that would bring me directly into Maxim’s apartment was a different one.
That lack of familiarity prompted me to speak up, which I never did. “Is…”
He didn’t react, merely watching me as we rode the elevator together.
“Is Maxim okay?” I hated the nervousness in my tone. I loathed the worry I couldn’t erase. Tension pulled me tight, and I fought hard not to show it.
I heard that gunshot and I believed that other guard when he told me and Anastasia that Maxim hadn’t been hit.
But I didn’t like this distance between us. I had to see for myself that he wasn’t wounded. I couldn’t claim to know Maxim. I bet he didn’t let many fully into his life like that. Aloofness was simply part of who he was.
This intrusion or attack on his property would be a hit against him. Perhaps he was used to this level of danger and could take it in stride, but still, he had to be upset about it, and I didn’t care for him to be upset or bothered at all.
“He wasn’t harmed,” the guard said as the doors opened to Maxim’s home.
I nodded, not bothering to make eye contact with this guy. He wouldn’t give me any further information, and I wouldn’t waste my time asking.
“Thanks.” I got off the elevator and knew I’d be in for an anxious and long night of waiting for Maxim to return.
Still wearing the short dress that I’d chosen to seduce him in, I stood immobile and stared at the untouched dinner that I’d made for us. It was a work in vain now. Despite the domed plate covers likely keeping the food partly warm, it wouldn’t be eaten now. All the dinnerware remained as we’d left it in a hurry. I’d distracted him with my dance, but I hadn’t counted on the meal going to waste.
There’s no chance of getting that opportunity back now.
The mood was ruined.
That sensual moment of dancing for him was gone.
A strike of danger had changed it all, and as I felt the change of air behind me that indicated that the elevator doors were sliding shut, I sighed heavily and tried to snap out of this funk. Out of this trance.
I’d rehearsed and gathered the courage to tell him my secret tonight, and it still weighed heavily on my conscience.
I wasn’t sure when I’d get another opportunity to tell him now. With whatever happened tonight, he’d be more on edge and probably busier.
Is his father okay?
That question pricked my mind, and I frowned as I considered that another family member lived here. Until tonight, I hadn’t realized his father was alive or nearby.
Because Anastasia is right. I’m not family. Not family enough to meet them all.
Dejected, I put the dishes in the kitchen and stored them for later. I’d spent so much time perfecting it all that the food would be decent reheated. I could have the leftovers tomorrow when Maxim was undoubtedly busy in an office somewhere.
Moving on autopilot, I tried not to dwell on how I’d missed my chance to come clean. It mattered to me that I could be honest, but I wasn’t so stupid as to lose sight of the reasons I hadn’t told him all this time.
Telling him that I was pregnant was only half of what I wanted to happen tonight. Then, based on his reaction, I would demand to know what that would mean. If I’d be allowed to keep my baby and be involved in raising him or her. It was becoming too easy to imagine this as my life—as a kept woman, living with Maxim, counting on him to provide for us both so we’d want for nothing.
Sweet daydreams of his being presentwithme to raise our baby filled my mind as I got dressed for bed to lie there and wait for him.
Worried when he didn’t return, I tried to read that crusty old bodice ripper until my eyes were tired enough for me to sleep.
When I woke from a short slumber, I checked for him in bed and frowned when he wasn’t there. But I could tell he’d come back. The faint and distant scent of soap reached my nose. Smells were so much more sensitive now, something I’d previously heard of as a side effect of pregnancy.