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“Well, yeah. I know you want me like that,” she whispered as she lowered her hand to slip it under my shorts and stroke me.
Not only that.
I couldn’t be sure what it was about her or this quiet late-night moment in the kitchen, but as I leaned into her touch and kissed her sassy lips, I owned up to the fact that I wanted her. Period.
For sex and to produce an heir.
But also… something more.
I enjoyed having her in my life. I looked forward to coming home to her.
I’d never admit it out loud, but against my better judgment, Ilikedher.
That still didn’t change how I wasn’t ready to trust her, though. I had no time for seeing if I could love her eventually. With the threats against the family and the lingering hunch that she had secrets that hadn’t yet come out into the open, I had to pace myself, again, and see how this could unravel between us.
31
SLOANE
After that late-night pancake snack with Maxim, I felt like I became more used to being in the building as a guest. Yet not.
I knew better than to think that I was part of the family or staff. I was just there, a resident expected to stay in Maxim’s apartment with him. We were cohabiting, but it was still strange to not have any other purpose.
With the increased familiarity of the building, I didn’t get lost as often. Wandering was how I spent my time, and with the use of the gym, I could explore with my fitness and vent my frustration that way.
It was hard to feel like a caged animal when I wasn’t limited to his bedroom or apartment, but I felt so displaced from reality.
Surrounded by riches and opulence like this, I couldn’t shake off this feeling that it would all disappear. That it wouldn’t be mine for good.
The freedom to explore the building was nice, and with my demonstration of cooking, Maxim suggested that I make morefood. I wasn’t ready to call myself a cooking enthusiast, but I supposed it was a decent hobby, trying out new recipes. Ronny was given permission to return to the kitchen, and if I could call it a friendship, we started to get along.
No other staff members spoke to me, but every now and then, I’d encounter one of the other Ivanov brothers and we’d exchange small talk.
Anastasia had yet to warm up to me, though. I ate with her a few more times, but on each occasion, she was cool and indifferent. As though she had to make sure I understood my position as someone so far beneath her that I’d never be close.
Soon, I developed a habit of imagining that I could take Maxim’s word and be confident that I’d stay here for good. Daydreaming about this place being my home was risky business, but it was hard to think about leaving.
The only thing that could make me worry about being kicked out of here was if Maxim realized I’d been hiding my pregnancy from him.
But how do I tell him now? After all these weeks of being here, how do I tell him?
I rehearsed in my head all the time, but I was discouraged from just taking the final step and coming clean that I was already carrying his child. Because each time I tried to ask him about why he wanted an heir, he changed the subject. Whenever I tried to generally ask about what would happen when I was pregnant, he offered no direct answers.
I had nothing to go by for a clue about a child being here.
No nannies were chasing children.
No nursery had been established on any floor of the building.
As far as I could tell, there werenobabies or children in the Ivanov family, and that worried me.
Before I let my imagination run with the possibility that all the children had been sent to a different place to be raised under a strict governess or nanny, I tried to fish for information from Maxim’s brothers.
I couldn’t come right out and ask any of them if they had kids.
I never saw any of them with a woman in the building.
And asking Anastasia anything was out of the question. She didn’t invite any conversations with me.