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Fuck. What have I done?
“Heartbroken?” Grandmother asked coolly as she stood at the door.
I looked away.
After a long moment, she sighed. “I didn’t realize that it was more serious than your trying to do your duty.”
I glared at her then. “What difference does it make? You wanted me to have an heir, so I have one.” I’d told her that news a week ago, but it wasn’t until now that she came to speak to me about it. It was the only reason I’d been grateful to be too busy to discuss it with her.
“True.”
“You’ve made it no secret that you don’t approve of her.”
“She’s not from our world.”
I huffed. “She is now. She’s been part of our world since I brought her here to give me a child.”
“As your mistress?” She arched one brow.
“Don’t ask me to label what she is.”
“I imagine she has to be much more than a mistress if she can be heartbroken about your avoiding her.”
“She lied to me.” I slammed my hand on the desk. “She could’ve told me from the beginning that she was pregnant, and she didn’t.”
Cool and calm as ever, she didn’t react. “Would you have changed your plan with her if you had known all along?”
I scowled, hating that she was putting me on the spot to answer that. I’d wondered that myself over the last week, and I realized that I wouldn’t have. I still would’ve desired her with an unholy intensity. I still would’ve embraced the gradual progress of acclimating to her being with me.
Because I had committed to her.
We’d become something more.
“You have always struggled with trusting a woman,” she said matter-of-factly, “and with Beatrice in our past, I can’t fault you for that.”
I exhaled a long breath, waiting for her to say her piece and leave me be. I was punishing myself to stay away from Sloane. And I didn’t want my grandmother to harp on me further.
“But you’ve never experienced the struggle with loving a woman,” she added. “And with Sloane…” She shrugged. “I will fault you with ruining the beginning of a solid and lasting love if you can’t get over yourself to realize trustandlove go both ways, Maxim.”
She didn’t say another word, leaving as quietly as she’d appeared.
I took my grandmother’s words to heart, mulling over them all evening and throughout the night when I struggled to choose how to proceed. Like a festering hole that grew bigger and deeper, I struggled to breathe through the…
Dammit, this hurts.
Being away from Sloane made my chest ache.
If Grandmother wanted me to admit that I loved Sloane…
Fuck.I stared at the ceiling as I lay in the guest bed. “I do,” I whispered out loud.
I did love her. While I couldn’t tell when it started, how, or precisely why, I just knew that I did. Kidnapping her wasn’t the ideal foundation for a loving relationship, but we’d managed to eke out a companionable happiness as I commanded her to submit and she willingly sought out more of my control.
I couldn’t get rid of the memory of how boldly she’d put me on the spot to ask me if I cared abouther, Sloane, the gorgeous, strong woman. Not the woman I wanted to knock up. I hadn’t taken long enough to stop and consider that it was always her. It was her beauty and strength, her willingness to care and to want to stand by me and my staff and family.
She wasn’t just a vessel to bear me an heir.
She wasn’t only a thing to use and get rid of.