Page 59

Face-to-Face

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The burns made it hard for me to walk so I

remained at home for nearly a week after the attack. The police arrested Nicole, but because of her age, she was treated as a juvenile and put on probation. Roy thought it had been a waste of time even to make the complaint. Nicole was already back in school and being treated as a heroine by her followers while I was recuperating at home and missing school.

Roy was still very angry about it and about the police's failure to arrest Jerad and his gang. This just added to the winds of frustration that fanned the fire in his heart. Jerad was s

ighted at a number of places, but the police never seemed to get there in time to capture him. There were so many problems and other crimes for them to address, Roy was positive they had put the case at the bottom of their smokestack-high pile. Mama and I knew that Roy went out from time to time on a hunt combing the hip-bop joints, hoping to run into Jerad.

We were like two people watching a movie, holding our breaths at a dangerous moment. Both of us lay in our beds with our eyes glued open until we heard him come home.

And then, one night toward the end of my week of recuperation, we heard the news that Jerad had been found dead in a vacated building, a victim of a drug overdose. His friends suddenly came out of the shadows, willing now to admit that Jerad was totally responsible for Beni's death. I thought Roy would be pleased, but he was even more frustrated by the news. He hadn't gotten his chance to level his own justice and revenge on Jerad, and now the others, whom we all knew were probably just as guilty, were going to get off scot-free.

I never saw Roy wrapped more tightly, all of his nerve endings like wicks on dynamite sticks, just waiting to explode. Whenever he spoke, he ranted about the degeneration of our neighborhood and the indifference of the government, sounding more and more like Ken. His temper was short and for the first time, I saw him drink hard liquor. Mama was very troubled and walked about with deep lines of worry etched in her forehead.

And then, the inevitable clash of titans finally occurred. Roy and Ken got into a bitter argument because Ken had not found work and was spending all of his time in the taverns, drinking up the

unemployment checks. The quarrel broke out late one night. Both Mama and I had gone to bed. I had just gotten to the point where I could walk without any pain and I was looking forward to getting out and returning to school, despite Nicole and her gang.

I woke to the clatter of Ken's and Roy's loud voices. Soon after I heard a bottle break and a chair fall over. I leaped out of bed and went to the door just in time to see Roy toss Ken over the table. He landed on a chair and shattered it. Wobbling, Ken rose slowly, blood trickling down the side of his head. He shook his fist at Roy, and started to go back at him. Mama screamed from her doorway and Ken turned on her.

"This is a fine way to treat the man of the house. The hell with you all!"

He rushed out the door, not even closing it, Mama put her fist in her mouth to hold back her moans. Roy, gasping for breath, looked at her and then flopped in a chair. His face was beaded with sweat and his eyes were as wild as a trapped alley cat's.

"You're becoming just like him," she said. She pointed to the door. "Go watch him walk away so you'll know what's in store for you."

Then she turned and went back to her bed. Roy looked up at me, his face filled with remorse.

"I couldn't help it, Rain," he said. "I... just couldn't take any more of him and his complaints about the rest of us."

From the way he shifted his eyes, I wondered if some of Ken's complaints weren't directed mainly toward me.

I went to Roy and put my hand on his shoulder. He put his hand over mine and looked up at me, his eyes bloodshot from his drinking and fighting.

"You won't be like him, Roy," I said. "No matter what Mama said, I know you won't."

"I will if I stay here," he said. "But I'm not staying."

"What do you mean? What are you going to do?" I asked, frightened at the thought of his leaving us.

"I'm going into the army. I decided yesterday, Rain. It's a way out for me and I need time ... time away from you," he said softly.

"Roy--"

"No, you don't understand. You just don't know how painful it is for me to come home every night and go to sleep just on the other side of that wall. I can't help but listen for every sound you make. It's no good." He gazed toward Mama's bedroom. "She's got too much tearing her up right now for me to add something like this."

"But Roy, the army? Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I can get trained in something worthwhile. I'll still be able to send you some money from time to time. I won't need much and with me gone, there'll be fewer mouths to feed."

"Mama's not going to like this, Roy," I said.

He smiled.

"She's the one who suggested it," he revealed. "Mama?" I started to shake my head.