Page 44

"I have-twenty-two dollars put away in my drawer," she said.

"And I have fifty-seven saved in the old shoe box?' I threw all my change and extra money in it to save for Christmas presents.

"That isn't nearly enough."

I thought for a moment.

"I'll pawn my bracelet," I said. It was the most valuable thing I owned, a real gold bracelet with real diamond chips. Mama had scrimped and saved on things she needed herself just so she could buy it for me on my Sweet Sixteen. I practically never wore it for fear I might lose it.

"You would do that?" Beni asked, amazed. She always coveted it and envied me for having received something so valuable from Mama. Ken supposedly kicked in some money, but I always thought Mama had made that up.

"Mama will find out and then--"

"She won't know for a long time, Beni, and by then, this might all be over."

"What about after?" she asked.

"We'll buy it back," I said.

"How we going to get so much money if Mama won't let us work part-time?"

"We'll find a way."

"How?" she pursued.

"I don't know right this minute, Beni. We've got to deal with one problem at a time," I said sharply. She winced.

"Why do you care about helping me anyway? Look what I did to you today," she said.

"You're my sister, Beni. You'll always be my sister, blood or no blood?'

She nodded.

"I know," she said. "I tried to act as if you weren't my sister anymore, but it didn't work."

"We've shared too many laughs and tears in this room," I said.

She smiled.

"I really don't have any friend but you, Rain. I make believe I've got a whole lot of friends, but I don't have one like you."

We hugged.

"Let's get dinner going before Mama comes home;' I said and she jumped to help me for the first time in a long time.

I rose, got dressed and then went to my dresser drawer and looked at my precious bracelet. How proud and excited Mama was when she gave this to me, I thought. How beautiful it was and how beautiful it looked on my wrist. I recalled Roy saying I had the fingers and the wrist for precious stones. It was the best birthday of my life and gazing at the bracelet now brought back all those smiles and kisses. Mama could look so young when she was happy and she was never so happy as she was for me that day.

How could she be like that knowing I wasn't really her daughter? How could one small lady have so much love inside her? My real mother couldn't be half the person she was. How I wished it was all untrue. How I wished I was my adoptive mother's real daughter.

I put the bracelet back. I'd take it with me in the morning. Right after school, Beth and I would go to the pawn shop. I wasn't comfortable doing things like this behind Mama's back, but what was the

alternative? Beni was right: it would break Mama's fragile little heart to learn about this disgusting and terrible mess. Beth would be convinced that Mama would hate her forever. I had to help her.

I hoped I was doing the right thing. I hoped and prayed I wasn't just buying back my sister's love.

6

A Family Shattered