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"Yes, he did. He told me to tell you he should have listened to his mother."

It felt like I had stepped into a cold shower. It shook the weariness out of me and woke me to the wintry reality of where I was and who I was supposed to be. Something shattered inside me like thin ice.

I was turning into the very thing I despised: a liar. I felt sorry for Brody, driving through the night, fueled by the disillusionment he had hoped to defeat.

A long time ago, my mother gave herself to someone while she was living a life of her own fantasies, dooming me, I was afraid, to live the same false way, moving from one illusion to the next until I was left with nothing but the memory of myself.

19

Joy and Pain

.

The impact of the play and my performance

continued well into the following week. All of my teachers who had attended repeated their

congratulations, and Mrs. Whitney made a special tr

ip over from the administrative building to see me in Mr. Bufurd's class and offer her congratulations in person. And then Grandma Hudson surprised me one day with the news that Conor MacWaine was coming to dinner especially to talk to me about my future. I had no idea what that meant until he sat across from me in the dining room that night and said, "I think you could have an acting career."

"Really?" I looked at Grandmother Hudson, who remained stone-faced and serious.

"I really don't think I'm good enough," I said. Grandmother Hudson nearly growled.

"I think Mr. MacWaine has a little more experience and a little more insight about that, Rain. He is the director of a prestigious drama school and for your information, students at his school must audition and most are turned down. Isn't that so, Conor?"

"Yes."

I looked at him again.

"Some people have a natural inclination for it," he continued. "Let's call that talent, for want of a better word. They have an instinctive sense about timing, poise, and attitude. Of course, they must have the natural gifts of voice and appearance. They must have something to develop.

"When I learned that this was actually your first and only experience on the stage, I was impressed. I will tell you that you have a certain look that I believe can be a remarkable strong point if you're guided and developed properly.

"Most actors and actresses today don't have the training to do deep and complex parts. They should be schooled in the classics and they should all begin with the theater. The difference between theater and film is the theater relies on the spoken word. You have good diction and excellent expression. In my school you learn how to make your body a true vehicle of communication. Every gesture, every look, every word spoken has a purpose and is directed toward that purpose.

"Popular American film stars are merely products for exploitation. They don't have lasting qualities and will be replaced as soon as the next Hollywood product is introduced. They are merchandised as if they were a new brand of toothpaste and not developed as talent.

"Our school is serious and full of substance. It also requires, therefore, that you be a student, a good student. Which you are. For all these reasons, I think I could do something significant with you."

I looked at Grandmother Hudson again.

"What Mr. MacWaine is saying, Rain, is he wants you to attend his school of drama in London as soon as you are finished with school here this year."

My mouth stayed open, but my tongue wouldn't move.

Me? I almost said, but I was happy I hadn't. Grandmother Hudson might have thrown a fit about self-confidence again.

"Live in London?" I finally managed to ask.

"It won't be a problem. I have spoken with my sister and she is very excited about the possibility of your going there to live with her while you study the arts. I might even make the trip over with you and stay until you are settled," she added. "It's been some time since I've been to London."

"And since you've seen our school," Mr. MacWaine said, "We've added a new dance facility and sound stage."

"Yes. Mr. MacWaine's school also develops your ability to sing and to dance."

"Dance?"