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"I don't think so, Corbette. Not for a while at least. Let's wait until the play is over. It's just too emotional for me and I've suddenly been given new responsibilities here."

"Oh," he said dripping with disappointment. "You're still angry at me."

"No," I protested. I took a deep breath. "I can't hide what I feel when I'm on the stage as well as you can. We have only a few more weeks of rehearsal."

He was silent for a moment and then he asked, "Will you celebrate at our private cast party

afterward? Just you and me," he said. "We'll sneak off to my place, okay?"

There was Roy whispering warnings in my ear and there was Beni whispering in the other ear.

"Okay," I said. Beni's voice was louder because it came from a deeper place inside me, a part of me that wouldn't be denied, the part that said, "It's time to know fully what it means to be a woman."

No matter how I tried for the rest of the evening, I couldn't stop my mind from wandering, my thoughts from weaving their way back to Corbette's hideaway. He was waiting for me, drawing me to him. Every time I imagined myself in his arms, I pushed the thoughts away and turned back to my math or science homework.

I stayed up as late as I could, reading and studying, but not because I wanted to do better in school.

I was just afraid to dream that night.

17

Family Matters

.

During the days that followed, Grandmother

Hudson got stronger and stronger. Even she had to admit finally that the pacemaker improved her circulation and her energy. Doctor Lewis visited her on Tuesday while I was in school, but she relished telling me how angry he was about the way she had treated Mrs. Griffin, bawling her out for chasing away the nurse he wanted to help her recuperate and monitor her progress.

"'She's one of the best cardiac nurses I know,' he told me, but I told him even though she might be good with one organ, she's not good with the whole person."

I laughed, imagining the doctor's face. He tried to get her to hire another nurse, but she refused. The nurse could have been Florence Nightingale herself and Grandmother Hudson would have sent her packing. A nurse just called attention to her condition and she wouldn't stand for it. She did call the agency to find a new maid, however. They sent over two candidates whom she interviewed while I was in school. She rejected them both, one because she didn't believe she was strong enough to clean a big house.

"The girl was just skin and bones. She'd be gasping for breath after cleaning just one room," Grandmother Hudson told me. She just didn't like the second woman's face.

"Too sour. She looks like she has a constant toothache."

Because Grandmother Hudson paid so well, the agency promised to submit new candidates until she found one that pleased her. In the meantime, I did as much cleaning as I could and I prepared our dinners. Her compliments were less and less reluctant until she was finally lavishing praise on me and on Mama for teaching me so well. One night at dinner she talked about the cook her parents had. From the way she described her and her relationship with her, it sounded like Scarlett O'Hara and Mammy in Gone With the Wind.

My mother had phoned twice to see how we were doing and reconfirmed her intention to bring Alison and Brody down on Saturday. I grew more and more nervous about it as the weekend drew closer. Victoria, who had been out of town on business, popped in on us toward the end of the week. I should rather say invaded, because when she came bursting into the house, we were just sitting down to dinner and she barged into the dining room, her black raincoat flying up around her as she swung her arms, her hair wild, her eyes blazing.

At first I thought she was angry about Grandmother Hudson firing another servant and driving out the nurse, but that was nothing compared to what truly had enraged her.

"Well," she said pacing alongside our dining room table. "Don't the two of you look cozy."

"Hello to you, too, Victoria," Grandmother Hudson said. "And yes, thank you, I'm feeling better."

"I know how you're doing, Mother. I am in direct contact on a regular basis with Doctor Lewis."

"Oh? He never mentioned it," Grandmother Hudson said. "Would you like to eat with us, Victoria? Rain has prepared a rather delicious stuffed veal loin, sweet potatoes, string beans and corn bread."

"No thank you. I'm not here to eat, Mother."

"Well, do you mind very much then if we begin, Victoria? You know how I detest it when my food is served cold."

She began to eat. Victoria stood there fuming for a moment and then, rel

uctantly, sat across from me and reached for apiece of corn bread.