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I scoffed, waving her off. “Why would I say anything about the woman who practically raised me getting her rocks off on the counter that I will one day prepare meals on? I’d much rather take in the design of the house.”
“Darling, this is Bowie. He works with Duke—you know, the mechanic on the property you’ve been staying at.”
“That’s…just lovely.” What else was I supposed to say? “I’m glad you’ve found your next hookup.”
“Darling, he’s not a hookup.”
“Alright, your next boyfriend,” I cut her off. I didn’t need to know anything else.
“Actually, he’s my husband.”
My jaw dropped as I looked from her to the man taking up way too much space in what would be my new kitchen. I pointed at him with a limp wrist, then made some kind of squeaking noise that should be me asking questions. But nothing came out.
“I know this is sudden, but we met and—” She stared up at the man with stars in her eyes. It made me nauseous to think about her with this man. “Well, we just knew. Isn’t that right?”
He chuckled awkwardly. “Something like that.”
“Anyway,” she said, strolling over to me. “He’s a mechanic. There’s just something about a mechanic that really…gets my engine revving.”
“Ew,” I scrunched up my nose. “You know, I really don’t need to know these things.”
“Laura, you’re a grown woman. This is what we talk about.”
“You talk about this with women your age,” I grumbled. “You do not talk about this with the daughter you raised!”
“Oh, so this is your daughter?” Bowie grinned. “That makes me like your stepfather.”
I held up my hand as he approached with his hand outstretched. “She’s not actually my mother. She was my mother’s best friend. That makes you nothing to me except the man she’s currently screwing.”
“Married to, darling,” Edith grinned.
“What would possess you to marry this man?” I screeched.
“Well, I’d have to say it was the first moment I saw how he held his tool,” she grinned, nearly making me vomit.
I pressed a hand to my forehead, trying to stay calm about this whole thing. “Please, do not ever talk to me about how he holds his tool.”
“Oh, I meant his work tools, but come to think of it, he holds his own tool extremely well also.”
My cheeks tinged red as I tried and failed to stare at the man who only had eyes for my pseudo-mom. She was older than him by at least twenty years. What was he thinking?
“Okay, just…when did this even happen?”
“A few days ago. I was going to invite you to the wedding, but you have that silly job. I knew you wouldn’t call in sick.”
“That silly job has expectations, like me being at work,” I shot back.
“Anyway, it was a simple ceremony. We only cared about making it official.”
Bowie walked over to her, pulling her into his arms. “It was much better than my last Vegas wedding.”
“Your last— I’m sorry, what?”
“Well, that was a bit of a mistake. Lots of alcohol involved.”
“You do realize that she’s been married four other times,” I informed him. “What makes you think you’re so special? No offense, but if you don’t have a fortune, I’m not sure how long this is going to last.”
“You know, you could be on my side for once,” Edith said with a little bite in her tone. “Did you ever think this is love?”