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“He must have really been in love with her.”
“Not really. He said she stole his pen. That’s right. I was ignored all night for a pen.”
“That’s a very sad story.”
She shrugged. “Not really. It’s just a very realistic telling of the sad state of our society. Humans weren’t meant to be with one person anyway. The only way to survive is to create, but if we all went out and had sex with every person we met, there would be an overabundance of humans on the planet. Not to mention, a lot of crossbreeding due to the fact that we would eventually sleep with someone we’re related to, even distantly. The sheer number of infants born with deformations and genetic illnesses would eventually cut the population in half with natural selection.”
I loved it when she told me these things. Not that I found them very interesting. I’d just grown so used to hearing her stories that I couldn’t imagine not getting a daily lecture on some form of psychology.
“So…do you think we’ve gotten to the point where you’ve unknowingly slept with a family member?”
“If you go by the belief that we’re all descendants of Adam and Eve, then I can only conclude that I have.”
“And how do you feel about that?”
She turned her head up in thought. “I feel…hungry.”
“Hungry,” I repeated.
“Yes. I find that Brock was a satisfying lover and that rush of hormones, followed by multiple orgasms has worn down my stamina for the day.”
Okay, that was way more than I needed to know, especially when I felt like my vagina was on fire. Not in thesexually transmitted diseasekind of way, but in theI’m so horny. My vagina will hump anything in sightkind of way.
I checked my phone again, wondering if Edith would be getting back to me anytime soon. She was probably off in some other state already, working on finding husband number five. I scrolled through social media, bored out of my mind. I still had another month before school started and I had to go back to teaching ungrateful little minds who only cared about seeing their friends and gossiping about who screwed who over the weekend. It made me feel old. I was so out of touch with this generation. Gossip in my day consisted of who thought the star of the basketball team was hot.
An incoming text perked me up. When I saw it was from Edith, hope shot through me.I’m at the door.
“She’s at the door?”
“Who’s at the door?” Lee asked.
“Edith.” I jumped up from the couch and ran to the front door. I swung the door open and practically fell into her arms. Edith was not the most affectionate person, but she always had a soft spot for me. But I knew better than to abuse my power, only hugging her when I really needed to.
“Why are you here?” I asked, still squeezing her tight. “What happened to going off to find another husband?”
She waved me off, walking in like she owned the place. “Would I abandon you in your hour of need? Oh, and I heard about your…incident when you were rescued.” She winked at me, jabbing me in the ribs. “Good call on the shower curtain. Did it work?”
I deflated just thinking about it. “I thought so, but it turns out he’s not interested.”
“In you? Oh, honey. If he’s not interested, you don’t want him. Now, where’s Andrew? Let’s see if we can talk some sense into him.”
“About what?”
“Why, finally getting off his ass and marrying you, of course.”
I had explained this to her before, but she never listened. “Edith, he’s my friend and that’s all that he’ll ever be.”
“He can be your friend and still show you a good time. He’s got everything going for him. He’s handsome, muscular, makes good money, and most importantly, he’s gone more than he’s around.”
“And while that’s the perfect man for you, I’m looking for someone that will be around a little more often.”
Her shoulders slumped. “How often are we talking?”
“All the time.”
She patted my hand, shaking her head in distaste. “We’ll have to work on that. You’ll never truly appreciate a man until you see him leave and not come back for months.”
“I’m actually a little more concerned about the house than finding a man. I’m so sorry.”