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“It’s okay, Ronan. I don’t think I’m going to get hurt, but if this isn’t something you want to do, then we don’t have to do it.”
A slow smile lifts the corners of his mouth, and he leans over to kiss me. Against my lips, he whispers, “Okay, I think it’s time. I want to do it.”
My heart starts racing at the thought that he’s about to try to conquer his biggest fear. I know he can do it. Ronan can do anything he puts his mind to. I know I won’t get hurt either. I’m just worried it will be too much for him. Returning to the very place where you nearly lost your life and where your dreams ended has to be the hardest thing in the world.
“Okay, I’m right here with you.”
He turns back to face the road ahead of us, and I slide my arm around his right arm. Waves of fear radiate off him, but he sets his jaw and leans over to shift the car with his left hand.
Once we’re in drive, he takes his foot off the brake. At first, we’re barely rolling down the road, but then he steps on the gas, and we’re off!
I don’t think I’ve ever been this nervous or excited all at the same time. Even when I was walking into that job interview for my teaching position I didn’t feel this way.
Ronan’s right arm tenses as we move up the on-ramp to the highway, so I gently pat his shoulder and say, “It’s all good, Ronan. You’ve got this.”
He tries to smile, but it never really materializes into much more than another bout of cringing for him. His left hand tightly grips the steering wheel so his knuckles turn white again, but he’s determined to overcome his fear of the highway where he lost so much.
Cars stream by us going seventy and eighty miles an hour, and for a few seconds, I’m not sure we’re going fast enough to merge onto the highway. Normally, I’d say something to warn the person driving that we need more speed, but I bite my tongue and let him handle this. I can’t overcome what he’s feeling for him. He has to do that all on his own.
I look back as he gets into the lane, and I swear it’s like some higher power has cleared the road for him so he could get on at a slow speed. Ronan nervously checks the rearview mirror and then focuses his attention on the road ahead of us.
“Never in my life have I ever seen the Taconic look like that when I came onto this highway.”
“I was thinking the same thing!” I say excitedly. “It’s like someone up there is watching out for you.”
He turns his head to look at me with a strange expression, causing the car to veer toward the breakdown lane. Whenhe moves to get the car back into the right lane, he overcompensates, jerking the car and us, and for a few seconds, it feels touch and go.
But he gains control again, and it’s like I see the fear drain away from him. I don’t think I could be happier.
“Sorry about that. I’ve got to get used to things. I didn’t mean to scare you. It’s just what you said about someone up there. That’s what I wanted to tell you about Sabrina.”
As much as I don’t want to be miserable whenever I hear that person’s name, I can’t help it. I’m still jealous, even though he told me he has no interest in her.
I don’t want to ruin this for him, though. This drive means too much to Ronan for me to be petty about the nanny.
“What about her?” I ask through gritted teeth and a forced smile.
“She’s into these signs you can get from people who aren’t around anymore. She told me to ask my mother for a sign, and Kate, I know this is going to sound crazy, but I think I got one. It was a rabbit just like the one my mother and I saw when I was a little boy. You probably think it’s stupid. I did too, but then that rabbit came out of nowhere, and I swear it nodded at me when I asked my mother to show me she’s not disappointed in what I’ve become.”
I rest my head on his shoulder and smile at how unbelievably sweet this man is. Like my sister said, the world is full of clowns. It needs more men like Ronan, though. How could I have ever doubted him?
“Your mother would be so proud of you, baby. Look at what you’re doing right now. I bet she was looking down and made sure you weren’t under pressure getting onto the highway. It sounds like something a mom would do.”
Cars zoom past us again, but Ronan continues to drive the speed limit, oblivious to everything else but how incredible he feels. I even notice he loosens his grip on the steering wheel.
He’s going to be okay. I know it now. And I couldn’t be happier.
“We’re lookingfor room eight fourteen,” he says as we walk down the hotel hallway checking out the numbers on each door.
The two of us pass room eight twenty-five, and I wonder if we turned the wrong way coming off the elevator. “Does this hotel go completely around in a square? If not, we might be in the wrong hallway.”
Ronan looks over at me and gives my hand a squeeze. “No worries. I just handled driving on the one road that used to terrify me. We can deal with this.”
I snuggle next to him and press my cheek against his left arm. “I know, but I think I’m sort of in a hurry to get back on the bike, if you know what I mean.”
He stops and looks at me strangely for a second or two before a smile lights up his face. “My Kate with another sex joke. I think I like this new you.”
“It wasn’t a joke.”