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Ava and I look at each other, and she says, “I bet no one misses that guy more than you. You and he were closer than anyone in this world for years.”
Nodding, I want to say so much, but I simply agree and quietly answer, “He was my best friend in addition to my boyfriend. I could tell Ronan anything. I couldn’t have gotten luckier than to have him as my first real boyfriend.”
It sounds silly saying it like that now that I’m a grown woman in my mid-twenties, but that’s what Ronan was to me. We weren’t just dating. We were there for one another through thick and thin. I thought we’d be like that forever.
Reaching her hands across the table, Ava takes mine in hers and gives them a sympathetic squeeze. “I know he was crazy in love with you. Theo used to tell me how you two were together constantly.”
I smile, remembering how frustrated his brothers’ opinions on our closeness made Ronan. “He hated that they teased him about us. I used to tell him they just weren’t used to seeing their baby brother with a girlfriend.”
She takes a deep breath in and lets it out as a heavy sigh. “Theo was probably the worst at teasing him.”
With a chuckle, I correct her. “Actually, it was your husband who gave him the hardest time.”
“Of course!” she says, laughing. “Matthias was the world’s biggest hater of anything regarding romance or love back then. Thank God he’s changed, or I’d be married to a very miserable man.”
That right there gives me hope that maybe things can change for Ronan too. Matthias used to be a real bastard, but now he’s a wonderful husband to Ava and doting father to their two little boys. Can that change happen for Ronan?
I don’t know, but I can hope. The problem is if I don’t ever get the chance to talk to him, I’m not sure I’ll get to be a part of that change I want to see for him.
“Even though it’s none of my business, and feel free to tell me exactly that, I’m wondering what happened to break you two up,” Ava says.
If she or anyone else asked me that right after I broke up with Ronan, I would have burst into tears. He had no idea how hebroke my heart when he cheated on me. I couldn’t even hear his name without feeling like I’d lost my entire world.
Thankfully, I can talk about it now with at least a little detachment. It still hurts to think about, but I forgave him a long time ago.
Not wanting to paint him as a son of a bitch, I choose my words carefully as I answer her question. “I think he and I grew apart because we were going to different colleges. He went far enough away that I couldn’t see him as much as I used to. People drift apart, and he ended up with someone else.”
It’s taken me years to master the ability of saying that instead of blurting out the oh-so-painful wordshe cheated on me. That may be the truth, but he’s got enough to deal with now. He doesn’t need anyone looking at him and judging a mistake he made years ago.
But Ava sees right through my attempt at being diplomatic and says, “He cheated on you? Of all the people in the world, Ronan is one of the few men I’d say would never do that to someone he loved, and I know he loved you.”
Well, now that it’s out there for everyone to know, I guess I don’t have to act like I’m working for the U.N. I don’t want to bash him, though. I understand what happened. It still makes me sad, but I understand.
“We were young. He was away and on his own for the first time in his life, and he was having a good time. I guess that good time went a little too far one night.”
I stop, unsure I should mention who he cheated with, even though her name is practically tattooed on my mind. It doesn’t really matter now, but since Ava and I attended the same school and she was just two years ahead of Ronan and me, she might be curious to know.
“It was Amanda Isaacson,” I quietly add.
A look of instant recognition fills Ava’s expression as she stares at me like she can’t believe I just said that very name. “Amanda Isaacson? The girl who got the nose job and who bragged about it constantly? As if having an operation was anything to brag about. That girl?”
I nod as all those feelings from back then come rushing back. “Yep. Do you know when Ronan and I first started dating she told me she’d wanted him for a while? Who says that to someone?”
“A petty bitch. I wish my friend Eden was here. She could tell you chapter and verse about Miss Amanda Isaacson. They had a habit of liking the same guys in school, and it irritated Eden to no end that some underclassman always thought she had a chance with guys our age.” Ava stops for a moment and smiles. “Actually, it’s good she isn’t here because she’d have nothing nice to say about her.”
“Well, I forgave Ronan. He was young, away at school, and it never surprised me that other girls liked him. He was Ronan King. All the things that made me crazy about him were obvious to everyone, so why shouldn’t they want him?”
That sounds far more secure than I’ve ever been, but it’s true. I knew how good I had it when he was mine. Maybe somewhere deep in my mind I knew he’d eventually end up going with other girls. I was just little old me, Kate Abbott. Other than making great grades, I wasn’t anyone special.
He made me feel like I was, though.
“You guys have talked since you broke up, right?
“Yeah, a few times. I made sure to call him when his father and Theo passed. We fell out of touch, though, after that. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought about what if I’d been around and called him that night of his accident. Maybe he wouldn’t have been on that particular stretch of the Taconic. Maybe we would have been hanging out at that coffee shopwe loved catching up on old times instead of him driving that night.”
Again, Ava reaches over and touches my hand to give it a squeeze. “You can’t think like that. It was an accident that should have never happened, but you didn’t do anything to make it happen. Nobody did but that damn drunk driver, who of course, walked away from the accident with barely a scratch.”
Across the room, Eleanor says, “Matthias told me the lawsuit against him is going well. I hope they get the bastard. Pardon my French.”