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He remains silent for a few seconds before saying, “I’m happy you’re coming over again, Kate.”
And just like that, I forget about the babysitter and focus on the fact that Ronan, the only man I’ve ever loved, just said he’s happy he’s going to get to see me again. It reminds me of how he was after our first date.
“Me too. Do you want me to bring anything?”
“No. Just you is all that’s needed.”
I giggle, remembering the first time he said that to me. “I love that you haven’t changed. You said that when we were going on our first picnic and I asked you if you needed me to bring anything. I remember it like it was yesterday. You said, ‘Kate, all you need to bring is you.’ Remember?”
He doesn’t answer immediately, but after a second or two he says, “That’s right. Then we went to that park and had a real picnic complete with checkered tablecloth I laid out on the ground.”
“And ants!” I add, laughing at the memory of the two of us trying to get rid of what seemed like an entire colony of ants that decided to invade our date.
“Oh, that’s right. There were a lot of ants that day. I can still feel them crawling up my legs. That was the last time I ever tried to eat on the ground. It’s been tables and chairs ever since.”
I love hearing him so willing to talk about our shared past. We had so many wonderful times back then. I think we can have them again too. I know I just have to be patient this time.
Unsure if I should mention how talking like this makes me feel, I take a chance that he won’t be chased off by me sharing my feelings. “You know, I like talking about what we used to do. We had fun together back then.”
I hear the smile in his voice when he says, “We did. I never think about those times with you without smiling.”
“I’m glad. You deserve that. We both do.”
God, I want to say so much more, but I’m afraid. Ava told me all he’s been through, and all I want is to let him know I don’t care if he ever leaves the estate or doesn’t have a right hand. None of that means anything to me if I can have him in my life again.
I don’t say anything, though, because she also mentioned how withdrawn he’s been. If I push too hard, he might shy away from us doing anything more together, and that would break my heart.
It’s okay. I can be patient. I just hope he ends up with me and not that Sabrina girl.
“Is something wrong, Kate?” he asks, tearing me out of my thoughts.
“No. Why?”
“You just said we both deserve to smile. It sounded like you’re having a hard time, so I thought I’d ask.”
Ava warned me that Ronan hasn’t been able to focus on anyone outside himself since his accident, so his asking me that question gives me hope that the old Ronan is somewhere inside waiting for him to let him out.
“Just my nerves about school. I was looking over its policies when you called. I hope I can do a good job. That’s all.”
“Kate, you’re going to be the best teacher there. Nobody is sweeter than you are, and that’s what little kids need. They’re going to love you. I know it.”
“God, I hope so. From your lips to God’s ears, you know?”
He hums for a moment and says, “You got this, and you have people who care about you cheering you on. You’re going to be great. I’m already thinking we need one of those signs for your desk that says teacher of the year or world’s greatest teacher.”
Ronan always could make me laugh even while he was being supportive. “Nothing like putting the cart before the horse, right?”
“Maybe, but I have a good feeling about this for you. Your dream is coming true. I’m happy for you.”
Gone is the smile in his voice by the time he reaches the word dream, and every word after that sounds like it’s being pulled from his throat. I know it has nothing to do with me finally becoming a teacher. He’s happy for me. I think it just brings into focus how he was so close to achieving his dream when it all ended that night.
“Thank you, Ronan. It means so much to me that you’re in my corner. I always knew I was safe when you were by my side.”
My voice shakes as I say that, sure I’ve pushed too much. He doesn’t say anything immediately after, making me sure I’ve gone too far.
But then he says in that sexy way I always loved, “I’ll always be by your side, Kate. You don’t have to worry.”
Relief washes over me. I don’t know if this is progress or not, but it’s only been a week since I first saw him after all those years and he told me to go away, so I’m counting this as a huge step forward.