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“Hey, I want you to think positively. You’re going to be great.”
She sighs and looks down toward her feet as we keep walking toward the edge of the estate. “You know me. I don’t have the confidence I wish I had. I know I can do it. I guess I just don’t act like it.”
“I know, but you’ve got this.”
Kate turns to look at me and shakes her head. “I wish I could be like you.”
“Like me?” I ask, not understanding why she’d want to be anything like the person I am now.
“You’re always so confident. I remember thinking when we dated that you were always so sure you could do things, and then you’d do them like they were so easy. I wish I had that kind of confidence.”
I don’t say it, but I wish I had it now too. Those days are gone, though. Now I spend all my time hiding out here on this estate wishing I could go back in time and never get into my car on New Year’s Eve.
Not every moment of my time here, though. The past week seeing Kate has made me feel better.
“You aren’t like me. You have your own type of confidence, and I think that’s just what a teacher should have. I was cocky. You’ve got the goods and can deliver on your abilities. Never forget that.”
Like she did when I mentioned my suicide attempt, she stops walking and moves in front of me just as we reach a huge oak tree. Standing in its shade, she keeps holding my hand and looks up at me.
“Hey, you had the goods and could deliver on your ability too. Don’t forget that.”
Even thinking about playing ball makes my chest hurt, and this moment is no different. I lower my head to avoid showing her how low I feel compared to the person I used to be.
“That was a different time and place. I can’t think about that now.”
Kate steps toward me and lets go of my hand. I look at her, wondering if what I said turned her off, but then she wraps her arms around me in a hug I never expected.
“Then don’t think about it, but don’t forget you’re the same person you’ve always been, Ronan King.”
I put my arms around her as she tilts her head back and looks up at me sternly. “You don’t want me to have to put on my teacher face, now do you?”
She always could make me smile when the world felt like it was coming down around me. I shake my head at her silly threat and chuckle.
“I definitely don’t want to get the teacher face.”
“Then no more forgetting who you are. No matter what you look like or what you do, you’re the same person you’ve always been. Remember that, okay?”
“Okay.”
I expect her to step back away from me and release me from the hug, but she tightens her hold and rests her head on my chest. Looking down, I can’t believe she’s standing here in my arms again. I doubted I’d ever get this chance another time, even though it’s all I wanted for so long.
Then that was pushed out by how full of misery I was after my accident. I don’t want to feel that way now, though. I want to feel this, the happiness coursing through me as I stand here with the one girl I’ve always loved hugging me.
I want to feel love and show her love again.
Touching the top of her head, I run my hand over her silky brown hair. I always loved how soft Kate’s hair felt. Likesomething expensive and luxurious only few people in the world have the pleasure of possessing.
That’s what she’s like. Something rare and beautiful only a great man can possess.
But can that man be me again?
CHAPTER TWENTY
Ronan
As I hangout in my room after Kate leaves, I realize I don’t want to be cooped up in here anymore. Our lunch and the walk we took together made me see I hate hiding out now.
I make my way downstairs to find Eleanor alone in the kitchen. After grabbing a glass of soda, I sit down at the table and wait for her to finish at the stove.