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Chapter Five

Kinsley

My feet are back on solid ground, but the vibrations from the motorbike’s engine continue to buzz throughout my body. I take my helmet off, shaking my hair loose and a goofy smile stretches across my face. Having my arms wrapped around Tanner’s waist as we fly down city streets places me on cloud nine.

After I begged him to take my mind off of everything yesterday, he refused to leave me alone. He fixed us something for dinner and stayed the night. I’m not complaining, but I won’t lie, I am freaking out. I don’t do relationships and Tanner doesn’t do the sweet boyfriend thing.

He takes his helmet off and runs his hand through his dark hair. I love the messiness of it after he’s been riding. He grabs my hand and pulls me into him before kissing me briefly. “Don’t have too much fun without me.” He smirks and I laugh.

“I won’t do anything that you wouldn’t do,” I tell him, passing him my helmet.

He shakes his head. “How are you getting home?”

“I’ll grab a ride with one of the girls.” I cross my arms, attempting to stand my ground. “Go on, get out of here.” With that, Tanner puts his helmet back on and tucks the spare into the side basket. As I walk towards Twisted Sister his bike engine roars to life.

I walk in the back entrance and straight into the office. Only Jesse and Becky — the manager I hired — know that I own Twisted Sister. I still work here and take shifts like everyone else, but the less people know about me the better. I’m leaning over the desk, catching up on everything I’ve missed this week when Becky walks in.

“Who’s the hottie with the bike?” she asks, sitting up on the desk beside where I’m working.

I keep my eyes glued on the paperwork in front of me, I was hoping the music had drowned out the noise and no one had noticed Tanner dropping me off. Even though we have been whatever we are for the past six months or so, we have never been in public together. There is no denying something has shifted between us, over the last twenty-four hours.

Sensing that I’m not going to respond she continues, “I saw you guys on the camera; I was in here when you pulled up.” I sigh and meet her inquisitive eyes. “Holy shit,” she gasps, with the biggest smile on her face. “We like him don’t we?”

I bend over flicking my hair down so I can chuck it up in a high ponytail. I have no idea how she does it, but this girl can read people. Meeting her eyes again with a little wink I say, “There is no we in this situation, Becky, now let’s get out there.”

I send off a quick text to Jesse, knowing he will be silently going into protective panic mode because I haven’t reached out since he dropped me home Tuesday night, then toss my phone onto the desk.

Thursday nights tend to draw an early rush before it settles, but I enjoy the fast-paced environment. Brad is pouring drinks behind the bar and Becky, Sarah and I wait tables. Two hours tick past easily and the happy hour crowd filters out, leaving some girls on the dance floor and a few scattered tables.

“Kins, can you take the new table over in the lounge for me?” Becky shouts over the music.

I nod and smile at her, walking towards the corner we call the lounge. It’s quieter over here, generally it’s filled with those who come to relax rather than dance or drink at the bar itself. We try to cater for everyone. I pass the pool table and the jukebox that divides the dance floor and the lounge, noticing a girl sitting by herself, whom Becky has asked me to serve.

“Hey girl, what can I —”

A pair of deep green eyes meet mine.

“Kinsley? You work here?” The girl interrupts me, jumping up and pulling me in for a hug.

“Sophie?” I say surprised, “Uh yeah, I do. Are you here by yourself?” I glance around looking for any others that she might be here with.

“Nope,” she says, popping the p, with a twinkle in her eye. “I’m supposed to be meeting someone, he’s yet to show though … Do you think you could grab me a shot of vodka for the nerves and something ‘girly’ to drink?”

I laugh, “Yes, of course I can, I’ll be right back.”

It’s only the second time I’m seeing this girl, and already I feel as though I could sit in her company for hours. Guilt nips at me for the way I ran out on her at our initial meeting; a strange want to explain myself to her. I sigh, rubbing the back of my neck. The secrets I’ve been carrying all these years weigh heavy; I can’t explain myself to her, not yet. Returning with a shot of vodka and a cocktail – thankful that Brad whipped something up at my request of a ‘girly’ drink – I see she’s still alone. Glancing over the bar, everyone is pretty settled and I nod to Becky letting her know I’m taking a break.

“One second, don’t touch that shot,” I tell her as I place my tray on her table. I weave through girls on the dance floor and duck behind the bar, pouring another shot. Brad chuckles under his breath but doesn’t say a word. I have a feeling Becky and him might be an item, and she may have informed him that I’m boss lady as she likes to call me.

“Bottoms up.” I wink at Sophie as we take our shots.

“Eww, that was —”

“Something to shake the nerves?” I finish for her and we both fall into the couch laughing. She checks her phone and sighs. I can tell by the defeated look on her face that her date has stood her up. My heart aches for her. Jesse will never believe me when I tell him, but for the first time in my life I’m going to put myself out there. Sophie seems to need someone to keep her company tonight and there aren’t any little voices telling me to run away. “What’s that cocktail like?”

She smirks and takes a sip. “Strong—” she coughs, “—but good.” She takes another. I wave Becky over and let her know that I’m calling my shift for the night, she eyes the shot glasses and makes me promise to stay put until she finishes so that she can drop me home.

“I’m going to get one for myself and grab my stuff from out the back, then we are going to show those girls how to dance.” Sophie offers me a thank you smile before I leave.

After our second cocktail I drag us off the dance floor back to the couches in the corner. For the past hour and a half, we have danced to all our favourite throwback songs on the jukebox and we are well and truly the last ones here.

Leaning over and plucking Sophie’s phone from her hands, I take a drunken selfie, add myself as a contact and attach the photo.

“Won’t let you be the one that got away.” I throw the romantic reference in to soften the blow that her date stood her up tonight. I can’t help but notice a text message pop up before handing her phone back to her.

Zach - Something came up. I’ll make it up to you.

Then it hits me. “I’ve got it!” I yell over the music. “The most perfect guy for you!”

“Nooo.” She shakes her head. “No more guys, no more dates.”

“But he’s honestly perfect,” I stumble over my words, my mind thinking about Jesse “— he even has a dog!” I say, interrupting my thoughts. I need to make a mental note to go visit Lou-loo soon. Hopefully, I’ll remember this mental note tomorrow once I’ve sobered up. What girl can refuse a cute guy and a dog?

“We could even double date,” I say, focusing back on the conversation. I’m not sure if she has said a word at all since I’ve been off in my thoughts.

Her response tells me she also has been off in her thoughts, “I’m so glad we met, I think I’m gonna keep you.”

* * *

It takes me longer than I would like to admit to unlock my door when Becky drops me off, we dropped Sophie off too. Neither of us in any shape to get ourselves home.

It shows as I hop from foot to foot and lean against the wall to get my heels off. After I stumble up the stairs, I glance towards my ensuite, the thought of having to get undressed, find the right water temperature, get wet and wash my body all to get dry again is far too complex for my brain right now, I can shower in the morning. When I collapse onto my bed, memories of simpler times consume my dreams …

With my headphones in and my iPod on shuffle, I dance around my bedroom. Drowning out the reality that I’m stuck at home on a Saturday night. A Saturday night which doubles as my birthday mind you. Mum doesn’t let me adventure out of the house other than to go to school, yet even though we are under the same roof we barely say two words to each other. She’s probably already drunk herself into a state of unconsciousness, glancing at my iPod the time is 9.05pm; yep she will be out by now, I should go turn the lights off and pop a blanket over her. I don’t blame her; for the drinking, or for anything for that matter. Her husband left for work one day and never returned, and then her son died two years later. Yeah, life’s been a little rough for us.

*clink* pause *clink*

I take my headphones out and listen for the noise again.

Another clink sounds, before it’s followed by a muffled “ah shit”

Peeking through my bedroom curtains, a big goofy grin and green eyes look back at me. I shake my head and slide open the window, whilst he proceeds to pop off the fly wire. “We do have a front and back door,” I laugh, moving out of the way for him to climb through, “You know Mum never makes it past 9pm.”

I see the concern flash in his eyes before he lets it go. Jesse shrugs. “I thought rocks on the window were kinda poetic.”

“I didn’t know Jesse Fernandez was a romantic,” I say before tossing my iPod onto my desk in the corner of my room.

He scoffs before nudging me with his shoulder. “I said poetic, not romantic.”

“I’ll be back, I’m just going to check on Mum.” I wave my hand in front of him. “Make yourself at home.”

Knowing that Jesse might be here for a while, I grab some snacks from the kitchen before heading back to the bedroom.

He sits on the bed, leaning back against the headboard. He’s fiddling with my iPod and the portable speaker. “Playing DJ tonight, are you?’’ He just looks up and smiles; that goddamn smile. My head goes fuzzy and I feel like a kid at a candy store.

“Grab my backpack.” He points to the chair near my desk without looking up. “I brought you something.”

Curiosity snaps me out of eye-oggling my brother’s, well I guess he is now my, best friend. Sitting down in the spot where the backpack was on the chair, I unzip it before a giddy squeal leaves my lips and without even looking over I can hear Jesse’s chuckle under his breath. I pull out the bottle of vodka, orange juice and a Tupperware container with six jelly shots. I hold the container in the air, in question. “Leftovers, Mum made them for the end-of-season football party last night.”

Jesse’s mum is an absolute gem. Always has been. “Make sure you thank her for me.” I smile. “Even if she didn’t make them for me specifically.” I grab two shots and plop myself down next to Jesse.

“Nah, Meadow.” He shakes his head. “Those are just for you, I’m driving home.” He wiggles his eyebrows.

Jesse has been working with his dad on a HJ Holden Ute since his sixteenth birthday. Last month, when he turned eighteen, his dad got it on the road for him and now that he has his licence, Jesse and that car are inseparable.

“Oh come on,” I pout. “You can crash here, pleeeeease.” Pulling out all the stops, I bat my eyelashes at him; he rolls his eyes and grabs the shot from me. Another win for me, that was way too easy. Kinsley - 1: Jesse - 0

Three jelly shots and two vodka and orange juices later, I’m stumbling over my words and feeling emotionally lighter than I have in years. Is this what it’s like to be drunk? Jesse and I are both lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling. Propping myself up on my elbow, I turn to face him. “When you texted earlier, you said you were coming to give me my birthday present.” When he stays silent I probe further. “Was it the alcohol?”

As always, Jesse tries to make light of the situation. “My presence isn’t enough of a gift?” He laughs at his joke and turns to face me. He opens his mouth and closes it again, as if contemplating how to respond. “I wanted to give you the gift of a clear mind, to take a weight off of your shoulders, even just for a night.” His emerald green eyes lock me into a trance.

I’m not sure if it’s the alcohol, but in this moment I’m left not knowing what to say. I know Jesse cares, shit, we have been through a lot together over the years. But for him to open up, even just a little, that’s big. Jesse is the happy-go-lucky one, the jokester. Maybe it’s the alcohol making him more vulnerable.

“Can you keep a secret?” The words tumble out before I realise what I’m saying. Jumping up, I reach out for him and Jesse stands and takes my hand. Leading him out the backdoor, I take him somewhere I’ve never taken anyone before. To the only place that allows me to feel anything close to weightless, a place that mimics the feeling he has been able to give me tonight. My place of escape.