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Chapter Forty-Five

Kinsley

“Thank you both so much; I wouldn’t have been able to do that alone,” Marie whispers. As she steps back, my heart sinks a little from the loss of her embrace.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come and stay with us tonight?” I ask her. “Or I can stay here with you?”

Marie shakes her head, a single tear falling down her cheek. “No, Meadow, dear. I think I need to be alone tonight. I will phone you first thing in the morning though.”

The left side of my mouth turns up in a half hearted smile, it’s all I can muster in this moment. “Promise?”

“I promise. Now go, I’ll speak with you in the morning.”

Each step I take towards the car, a thundering vibration surges through my body; the finality of today begins to settle into my bones. When I reach the passenger door, I look back over my shoulder one last time, Marie’s chin dips with encouragement and I climb in. Tanner squeezes my thigh as we reverse out of the only place that still felt like home.

Rolling hillsides melt into multi-storey buildings as we make our way back into the city. Tanner hasn’t said a word since we left Jesse’s childhood home, even though I’ve seen his eyes flicker my way whilst driving.

When he does speak, his voice startles me, “Do you want to go back to your apartment, or would you rather come back to my place and get some sleep before —” he takes a moment to find the right words, “— You know, before tackling any other big emotional things?”

“I’m not sure I’m following you — Oh, my dad is at my apartment isn’t he? No, take me there. I need to see him.”

We arrive as the sky is turning a beautiful mix of oranges, pinks and yellows. It’s the most magical sunset I have ever witnessed. He’s still with me. Jesse’s words of reassurance, from the night I was worried about him finding someone of his own, come to mind.

‘ I’ll always be here for you, Kinsley. Day or night, if you call me, I will move heaven and earth to get to you .’

If only I knew then, what I know now.

My palm firmly grips the door handle, turning it slowly and pushing it open with caution. I expect Lou-loo to greet me as she normally does, with a big slobbery grin on her face, however the house is quiet. No pitter patter of paws, no excited barking; only silence.

“Lou?” I call out, walking through the front entry of my apartment. The lights are off down here so I continue through the living area and flick the kitchen lights on. I check the spare bedroom, nothing.

“Let’s check your room.” Tanner tips his chin in the direction of stairs.

“Lou-loo!” I sing louder this time. Her whimpers grow louder as my bed comes into view; she’s laying in the middle of my pillows with her head between her paws. “What’s wrong girl?”

“She’s been like this all day,” a gravelly voice responds over to my right.

I spin around towards the balcony. There, in the light of the setting sun, stands my dad. The golden light beams around him, as if he’s walked down the staircase from heaven; yet I know he’s been living in hell. He’s thinner, a little gaunt in the face and his hair is now grey, but it’s him. He’s wearing jeans and a flannelette shirt and has rough stubble on his chin.

“D-Dad?”

“It’s me, Meadow.”

My feet move me forward without thought, closing the distance between us. He cups my face in his large hand, stroking my cheek with his thumb. I close my eyes, memories appearing like a kaleidoscope of colours. He pulls me in close and wraps his arms around my shoulders as I bury my head into his chest.

“I am so sorry, Kinsley. I tried — I promise I never stopped trying to get back to you.”

“They’re gone, Daddy,” I sob. “Kyle, Mum and now Jesse.”

He holds me; like he did when I was a little girl, when my emotions were too big for me to work through on my own. He was always so good at just being there; knowing when I needed him to fix something, compared to moments like these, when all I need is him .

“We will get through this together.”

Dad fluffs the pillows, propping me up and Lou snuggles closer with a huff. She lays her head in my lap, big puppy dog eyes pleading with me.

“I know, girl, but we will be okay.”

Dad moves to my reading chair in the corner. He leans forward, resting his forearms on his knees. I understand that this would be hard for him, but he’s had years to prepare for this moment. Me? I have so many questions floating around in my mind. Where do I even begin?

Where has he been all this time? Why has he been there? Does he know what happened to Kyle?

Tanner enters the room, snapping me out of my thoughts, two steaming cups of tea in hand. He passes one to Dad before placing the other down on my bedside table.

“I’ve got a few things to take care of — a couple of phone calls to make. Come and get me if you need anything, okay?” Briefly he kisses the top of my head and turns, leaving the room.

The tea is hot, sending a comforting sting down my throat. I let my shoulders drop and relax my head back against the headboard. Moments pass before either of us speak.

Dad is the one who finally breaks the silence. “I know you will have a lot of questions, Kinsley. But —” he sighs. “I don’t know if tonight is the right time to start digging up the past.”