Page 5

Chapter Four

Kinsley

Pain radiates through my head with each thrum of my pulse, am I hungover? Reaching under my pillow for my phone, I freeze when I feel a warm, hard body pressed up behind me.

It must be mid-afternoon, I can see the sun shining through the floor-to-ceiling windows. An arm wraps around my waist and pulls me into them, nuzzling into my neck. Fresh linen, coffee , and something I’m yet to pinpoint; Tanner. Flashes from this morning come back to me. The cafe, the phone call, the anxiety attack. I must have passed out, but how did Tanner get here and why is he wrapped around me like I have confessed my love for him? I know better than to let my feelings get involved in our situation-ship. But as I glance at his tattooed arm draped over my waist I decide that whatever the reason, I’m going to enjoy every damn moment of this whilst it lasts.

He must sense that I’m awake because he rolls me over gently until I am lying in his arms, facing him. “You okay?” he asks.

“Honestly, I’m still trying to piece together why you’re here.”

Tanner laughs, keeping the mystery alive by sitting up and reaching across to the bedside table. He collects a glass of water and two tablets he must have prepared earlier. “Take these, they’ll help with any impending headaches.”

I take them without questioning him. I can see the medication is just paracetamol, and the headaches I normally get when I deal with the likes of this morning are not overly enjoyable. Pulling me back into his arms, I rest my head on his chest. I’m still too emotionally exhausted to put my walls back up right now.

When Tanner finally speaks, it’s gentle and almost cautious. “Are you going to fill me in on why I found you passed out in your entryway?”

I could tell him the truth about what triggered me this morning, but that would be the beginning of the end. If he knew the lengths I was going to in search of answers, he would get involved and in turn, that would put him at risk. I’ve already lost too much, I don’t want to lose him as well.

Would it be so bad to open up about my struggles with anxiety though? The only person who knows my past is Jesse and I had no choice in telling him, he was there through it all. I decide to keep my response simple before my brain spirals further into a mess of overthinking.

“Just a bad day, it happens sometimes,” I sigh. “I must have passed out during a panic attack.”

Kissing me on the head, he doesn’t push the issue. I can’t help but feel as though he isn’t convinced by my answer. “Next time you feel one coming on, you call me.”

I shake my head against his bare chest, the last thing I need is someone keeping tabs on me. With that thought Tanner grabs my chin and lifts it so I meet his piercing blue eyes. “It wasn’t an offer, Kinsley.”

I allow my eyes to trail over his left peck, taking in a tattoo I haven’t seen before; wild flowering Baby’s Breath climbs across his heart; it’s beautiful. There is nothing gentle about his touch in this moment though; his eyes grow dark and a look crosses his face which I’ve never witnessed before. Despite that, as I stare up at him, a sense of comfort washes over me. I feel safe. Considering safety and comfort aren’t things I often feel, it should be something to cling to, right? So why do I feel the urge to run, to run as far away from here as possible?

Because as soon as you find comfort in him, he will leave. Don’t be that silly little girl who everyone abandons, Kinsley. Run away, before you get left behind again.

I take a deep breath, desperately trying to rid the little voice in my head. His touch brings me back into the moment, his knuckles catching the tears I didn’t realise I had let fall.

“Don’t cry, I’m here.”

Tanner

I wish I knew what she was thinking. What was running through her mind as the tears silently fell down her cheeks. Taking her hands in mine I pull her up so she is straddling my lap. Her hair falls across her face and before she can fix it I tuck the long dark strands behind her ear, giving me a clear view of her eyes. Eyes that I could drown myself in, they are more amber than hazel, almost the colour of the whisky I pulled down from the shelf last night. The colour begins to deepen along with her breathing, her eyes almost golden now.

She blinks a few times before parting her lips to speak. “Help me forget,” she whispers. I want to ask her what she needs to forget, to be able to understand what makes her tick. But when an addict is offered a hit, he takes it.

Kinsley and I have been sleeping together for roughly six months now, in these moments I know exactly what she needs and what her body responds to. Today has shown me that she uses sex as a way to escape her mind, I didn’t realise it until now and I’m not judging her. What this girl doesn’t know is that I will do anything to make her mine. Since the beginning I’ve been following her lead, staying at arm’s length, except I’m getting impatient.

“Undress yourself, then lay down on your back,” I instruct her as I pick up my jeans and I thread my belt out of them. “Now place your hands above your head.” Once she is in position I tie her wrists to the bed frame. She wriggles her arms, testing the belt. The position she is in pushes her chest out and I watch her nipples go hard as the leather of my belt pinches her wrists.

“Too tight?” I ask, and she shakes her head. “I need you to use your words Kins, is it too tight?”

“No,” she pants and her heavy eyes meet mine. I wouldn’t loosen them even if she had said yes, she needs someone to take control to allow her to let go of whatever is trying to overrun her mind.

I take one of her nipples into my mouth and bite down before soothing the sting with my tongue. Her hips buck upwards begging for attention, but I like it when she uses her words and begs me herself, it doesn’t normally take too long. Moving to the other breast I repeat the action and she lets out a breathy moan.

I’m sitting on my knees in between her legs and it’s taking all my willpower not to throw them over my shoulders and fuck her with my mouth; she tastes so sweet. “Let’s see how wet you are.” She opens her legs wider so I have a clear view. I hum, “You’re not just wet, you are soaked for me.”

“Please Tanner,” she begs.

“Please what?” I taunt her, I love it when she’s needy but she’s still learning to use her words. Kinsley was shy in all aspects when we first met, especially when it came to sex. But like I said, she’s learning.

“I need to come,” she says, biting her bottom lip.

“Good girl, it’s not that hard to ask for what you need is it?”

Her cheeks flush that perfect rosy colour as I throw her legs over my shoulders and get to work, this isn’t about me. Right now it’s all about her.