Page 32

Chapter Thirty-One

Tanner

Two days prior …

Jesse finally told me everything.

Now, I’m standing in Kinsley’s spare room, looking around at the mess of papers, the pinboards and notebooks. I’m not angry that she kept this from me, I’m hurt that she is going through this without my support.

The hairs on the back of my neck prickle when I think of the final words Jesse left me with, ‘If she knows that you know, she will push you away. She can turn cold as ice and her words will hurt you. Just know that in her eyes, she is doing this to protect you.’

She wouldn’t push me away though, would she? She is fucking delusional if she thinks for a minute that I would walk away from her. Kinsley Mae Fallon is mine .

I can make it look as though I’m walking away, if that’s what she wants. But little will she know, I’ll be walking into battle right alongside her. I will let her believe she is protecting me. I will willingly walk away. Fuck, it will be the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but for her I would do anything.

Jesse seems to think he knows how she will react when she finds me in here, when she realises that I know the details of her past — or really lack thereof. Except, I’m hoping he’s wrong. I’m pacing the room when I hear the front door unlock and the familiar clicking of her heels on the tiles. From the entryway she will be able to see that the door to the spare room is open and the light is on. My chest tightens as I wait for her to notice. If Jesse is right and she pushes me away, we have a plan, a plan that ends with her back in my arms.

“Jess, is that you in there?” she calls out. “I’ll grab us a beer.”

Moments later she’s standing in the doorway, hazel-coloured eyes collide with mine and the beer bottles shatter onto the tiles.

“T-tanner, what are you —” She’s shaking her head, clearly not wanting to believe the sight before her eyes. The sight of me seeing her, really seeing her, for the first time.

I’ve had hours to figure out what I was going to say to her, but now she is here, standing mere feet away from me, I’m speechless. My heart lays on the ground between us, resembled by the shards of broken glass. I have to try, for myself, for her, for us. We are more alike than she knows, but now is not the time to revel in the loss of my own family ties. The look in her eyes and the way her body is trembling screams to me that this is clearly a bigger deal to her than I thought it would be.

Closing the gap between us, I wrap my arms around her and hold her to my chest. Her hands fist my t-shirt and we stand in silence holding each other; an attempt at masking all the unspoken words. Eventually, I let go of her and using my forefinger, I tilt her chin upwards. She blinks and the eyes I’m met with are no longer sparkling, there isn’t even a hint of gold left in them. Jesse was right . Kinsley is shutting down and soon she’ll be pushing me away. If only she understood how serious I was when I told her forever .

Knowing what I do now, I should have slipped a fucking marriage certificate in with her rental agreement. The thought almost makes me smile, but it’s neither the time nor the place.

* * *

Tanner

Present time …

I’m drowning in the shadows of my office, the only light flickers from the computer screens in front of me. To my right my screen is split into four; showing the two cameras on the outside of Kinsley’s apartment, as well as two new cameras; one in her bedroom and one in the open living area downstairs.

Jesse has the doors open to her balcony, the white sheer curtains moving in the breeze. I can see him attempting to talk to her, while the blankets are pulled up over her head. I should have installed a microphone along with the fucking camera. Moments later he pulls the covers off her and she retreats into a ball. Her body shakes, not from fear or being cold, no – she’s sobbing.

I tip back the glass of whisky I poured earlier. The burn of alcohol is no competition to the way my heart is cracking open at the sight of her. Looking back at the screen I see Jesse laying beside her, pulling her into his arms. A mixture of guilt, jealousy and gratitude wash over me and I remind myself that I promised her I would always be what she needed; right now she needs me to be her dark knight … Jesse has always been the one in shining armour.

Turning my attention back to the screen on my left, I continue running a search on Kinsley’s family. I’m determined to learn as much about her past as I can. Jesse has brought me up to speed with his recollection of events, which has helped me paint a picture of her childhood, however I need to dive deeper into her parents; something about them is off.

If Kinsley’s dad – Warren — came home after making the arrest on Lance Harding and then disappeared before morning, Kinsley’s mum would have been the last person to see him. I need to find her statement to the police, lucky for me Jesse gave me Stanley’s contact details.

Dialling Stanley’s number he answers on the second ring, “Hello, Stanley speaking.”

“Stanley – My name is Tanner Hayes, Jesse gave me your contact details.”

“Yes, he did mention I may hear from you. How can I help?

I fill him in on my own personal findings, before asking him if he had any witness statements or reports from Warren’s disappearance.

“Thanks, Stanley,” I say, as an email pops up on my screen. “I’ve got it.”

“Just doing my job, Mr Hayes. Can I ask –”

I cut him off, “Please, just call me Tanner. I’ll be in touch if I need anything else.” I end the call, slamming my phone down onto the desk. The motherfucker ran a search on me. It’s the only explanation as to why he pulled the ‘Mr Hayes’ crap. I push back from my desk, needing to top up my glass of whisky before I read over this report.

My fist connects with the drywall, leaving another hole I’m going to need to patch. I need to get out of this house. Stretching my fingers out straight before curling them back into a fist, I hiss at the sting of my knuckles. It’s the third time in two days they have been split open. Today, the culprit was a pink scrunchie. Lana – the cleaner, must have found it somewhere in the bedroom and placed it on the bedside table.

Unable to sit around in this empty house any longer, I pick up my phone and dial the only number I know I can confide in.

“Been a minute,” Harley teases.

“I’ve had shit going on, you know what it’s like.”

Silence lingers between us, I can hear the rest of the boys in the background which tells me Harley and the others are at the shop.

“Can I swing by?” I ask, already knowing the answer. Harley is the type of person you don’t need to talk to everyday, or even every six months — shit it really has been a minute .

When he speaks again his tone is less comical, “You know you’re always welcome here, Chonk . ” I nod in response, as if he can see me; end the call and make my way there.

Music drifts out of the workshop at the rear of the shopfront, I park my bike next to the four others and place my helmet on the seat. Harley might be understanding of how I come and go but some of the others aren’t as easy going. We are supposed to be a family and we were, we are — things are just more complicated than they used to be; when we were younger.

Harley, Josh, Zach, Carter and I grew up together. Unlike theirs, my life took a turn when I found myself at an intersection; one where I had no choice but to turn left whilst the others went right. I’ve been trying to find my way back to them ever since; I’m still trying.

When I walk through the door, the chatter stops. Let You Down by NF plays on the radio and I square my shoulders, not knowing how my presence will be perceived. Josh is taking his turn over at the pool table, his grey t-shirt tight across his biceps, showing off more ink than he had last time I saw him. His light brown hair is buzzed short and roughly spiked on top. He doesn’t look up as he pockets a ball, instead he continues moving around the table to take his next turn. Zach is working on a bike in the far left corner. He’s spread out underneath it, all I can see of him are his combat boots and denim jeans which are covered in oil and grease. Carter is sitting on the couch in the centre of the room, there is barely an inch of unmarked skin left on him that I can see. He always had the most tattoos, but the woman’s face that sits on his neck, with roses and thorns covering her is one I’ve never seen before. There is a girl sitting on his lap, she is a tiny little thing, her white blonde hair is in a pony tail high on her head, and her dark lipstick throws off, don’t fuck with me vibes.

Harley approaches me first, pulling me into a hug. He swings his arm over my shoulder and we walk towards the group. I’m close to six feet tall but he towers over me. From the corner of my eye, I see Carter stand, bending to kiss his girl on the forehead, before heading our way. He takes my hand and pulls me into a one arm hug, slapping me on the back.

“It’s been a while, Chonk.” He winks. “I’ll grab you a beer.”

I laugh at the nickname I was given as a child and my shoulders relax a little. My eyes find Josh leaning against the pool table, his arms folded across his chest. He is going to be the difficult one. He challenges me with a lift of his brow and I shake my head. Josh is the youngest of us, only recently twenty-one and I know he took it the hardest when I left. How can I blame him? He was only twelve and the five of us had been the only family he had ever known.

“Don’t be like that, Bubs.” I say, but I can’t hide the guilt in my voice. I’m the one who pushes them away when it all gets too much, when I can no longer take the pressure of juggling both worlds. Carter hands me a beer and I twist off the cap, flicking it into the pot belly beside me.

“How long are you gonna stick around for this time?” Josh asks, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it with his zippo.

I mull over his question, trying to find the right words to answer him. If only my parents didn’t turn their nose at the mention of my brothers. Sometimes I wonder what life for us all would be like if I chose Juvenile Detention over the arranged adoption nine years ago. I was only sixteen and Harley encouraged me to take the adoption, he told me it would help set us all up for our future if one of us had a family with money behind them. In some ways it has, I guess. But in other ways, like right now, I’m left wondering if I messed up.

“I fucking knew it!” Josh kicks a drum of empty beer bottles over as he walks towards the door.

I move to follow him when Zach appears and speaks for the first time since I’ve got here. “I’ll go,” he grunts, his light blue eyes giving me the once over before dismissing me. Other than growing out his hair, which he has tied back in a man-bun, he hasn’t seemed to have changed much.

I rub the creases forming on my brow and sink into the couch beside Carter and his girl. Her hands are playing in his hair and the hoodie she is wearing swims on her, I can only assume it’s one of his. She smiles in my direction. “So, I’m finally in the presence of the mysterious Tanner Hayes.”

I chuckle. “Something like that, don’t believe anything these four tell you, though.”

“I’m Michelle, but unless you want to sleep with one eye open I suggest you stick with Micki —” Harley’s laugh interrupts her and she rolls her eyes, Carter throws his head back against the couch as if he’s heard this speech numerous times. He’s got a firecracker on his hands, that’s for sure “— it’s your death wish.” She adds.

Before I can respond to her, Josh returns with Zach close behind him. I sit up on the edge of the couch, resting my forearms on my knees. Josh walks straight past me, back to the game of pool he was playing when I arrived.

“Did you take your shot?” he asks Harley, without turning our way.

“Nah, not yet. But Bubs —”

“What are you waiting for then?” Josh cuts him off.

I lean back into the couch, Harley squeezes my shoulder moving around the couch to finish his game with Josh. Surprisingly it’s Michelle that speaks next. “He’ll come round,” she says with a comforting look in her eyes.

Carter tightens his hold on her. “She’s right, T, you know what he can be like, his fuse has only gotten shorter over the past six months.”

I don’t let myself ponder on that statement too long, the thoughts of what could have happened in the months I’ve been away. I grunt out a response and within a few minutes everyone has resumed their places as if I didn’t just walk into the shop for the first time in six fucking months.

For now, I’m home.