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Chapter Forty-Four

Tanner

When we first arrived at the hospital, Kinsley was passed out in the back seat; her dark hair had fallen loose from her bun and stray strands were slick with sweat against her face. She was somehow still holding Jesse against her small body, knuckles white while gripping his shirt.

Nurses and Doctors surrounded the car, carefully removing Jesse, laying his body on a stretcher and wheeling him away. Then two others in white scrubs stepped forward and a fierce protective instinct washed over me as they reached for Kinsley. Despite their pleas of bullshit policies and procedures, I forced my way through them. I scooped her up and cradled her in my arms, marching her limp body into the hospital myself. After checking her over and clearing her of any physical injuries, they insisted on monitoring her until she woke up. I couldn’t disagree, I saw the darkness in her eyes from the rearview mirror as we drove to the hospital; she was lost so deep within herself.

Now I’m standing, arms folded across my chest, in the doorway of the room where Jesse’s body lays lifeless. ‘I’ll give you all a moment’. I scoff at the comment the nurse had made. I’ll be damned if anyone is interrupting the time Kinsley and Marie want to have in here, I’ll stand with my feet planted here all day if I have to.

I watch the two of them for a while, before stepping out of the room and pulling my phone out of my pocket. There is someone I need to call. My fingers swipe across the screen; the dial tone rings in my ear four times and I almost end the call when a feminine voice answers.

“Hello?”

“Hey Soph, it’s Tanner.”

“Hey, what’s up? Everything okay?”

“How quickly can you get down to Blackwater Hospital?”

“Uhm.” Her fingers tapping the phone screen. “I can be there in thirty-five minutes.”

“Soph,” my voice thick with warning. “It’s not good.”

“Stay with her, I’ll be there soon.”

Ending the call, I turn back to look through the glass. Kinsley is sitting on the far side of the bed brushing Jesse’s curls out of his eyes; her lips moving whispering all the things she never got to say. He knew. In the weeks I spent alone with Jesse I learnt a lot about him; his devotion to Kinsley and his promise to Kyle.

When they were kids, their relationship started out as a schoolyard crush, she was just his best friend’s little sister. But as they got older, especially after Kyle passed away, she became less of his best friend’s little sister and more of the woman he served to protect, his twin flame; the one he wanted but couldn’t have .

They had a continuous ‘Right Person, Wrong Time’ situation on their hands. Only Kinsley never knew it. Somehow she was oblivious to it all. Now, as she sits at his bedside, I can see the regret written all over her face. How the fuck am I going to help her through this?

Quietly, I re-enter the room and neither of them acknowledge my presence; good, I want them to be in this moment with him. Marie’s head rests on Jesse’s chest, her small, weathered hands clutching his. With the time that has passed, the warmth of his body would be gone now. Scanning the shelving unit in the corner, I see a pile of folded woolen blankets. I take two, shaking them open and proceed to wrap one around each of the grieving women before me.

Kinsley looks up, her eyes telling me stories of a thousand lifetimes. Each one playing out with an ending different to the one she is witnessing today. I want to scoop her back up into my arms and protect her from her pain. From all that is still to come. But I can’t, not yet.

* * *

Kinsley

Marie finally rouses, I’m not sure how long we watched her sleep for. She passed out earlier with her head on Jesse’s chest, and during that time Tanner had to turn several nurses away, demanding they not disturb her. When she eventually finds the strength to drag her eyes from him she stands, folds the blanket and pulls her cardigan tighter around her body. Her eyes meet mine and two words slip quietly from her mouth, “I’m ready.”

Then, as if he was a guiding light leading us out of the darkness, we follow Tanner out of the room. The click of the door closing behind us will forever haunt me. Marie and I walk hand in hand to the elevator, the three of us taking it back to the ground floor. As we enter the small hospital cafeteria, a familiar pair of chocolate brown eyes meet mine across scattered round tables.

Sophie is sitting alone at a table with four takeaway coffee cups. Please let them be for us, could you imagine if she had consumed all that caffeine ? Tanner snickers behind me — wait, did I just say that out loud?

“Marie, this is Sophie,” I say as we approach her.

Marie greets her with a soft smile. “Sophie, I’ve heard so many lovely things about you.”

For the first time since I have known her, Soph is lost for words. Her smile lacks the little dimple on her left cheek, her eyes dart between each of us lacking their usual sparkle. Suddenly it smacks me in the face, she doesn’t know.

“I, uh — there are two lattès and two hot chocolates.” She gestures to the table. “I wasn’t sure what to get.”

Marie and Tanner each take a seat at the table. Whilst I stay standing, twisting a small strand of hair around and around my finger before I feel the relief of the burn. I need to tell her .

“I need to use the bathroom.” Sophie excuses herself from the table and glances my way.

“Me too, actually.” I look between Tanner and Marie. “Will you two be okay for a moment?”

“Go, sweet girl; we will be here when you get back.” Marie shoos us away with her hand.

In the bathroom, Sophie rounds on me, desperation in her eyes. “Kinsley, please, I’m begging you. What is going on? Where is Jesse?”

I close my eyes, one final attempt at wishing this all away. When I open them, I catch a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror. I’m still wearing the same clothes; the crimson stains on my jeans are a telling sign something has gone very wrong.

With Sophie perched on the bench, next to the sink, I lean against the hand dryer. “Soph, I — I don’t even know where to begin …”

Threading her fingers through mine, she squeezes. Somehow, I manage to keep my emotions buried deep inside. It’s almost as if I’m living in one big dissociation, looking down from above and narrating the events of the past twenty-four hours.

Being woken up by Lou-loo with Tanner standing in my bedroom, finding out my dad was alive and then having Jesse bleed out on my lap. It sounds ridiculous to say it all out loud. Soph just listens, absorbing all the information, as the colour slowly drains from her face.