Page 19

Chapter Eighteen

Jesse

Tanner and I have a plan to get Kinsley out of the house tonight. I had a call from Stanley earlier today, he informed me that the same car has been seen passing her house numerous times over the past forty-eight hours. She is still being kept in the dark, and as the days go by, I’m beginning to forget why I didn’t tell her in the first place.

The only thing stopping me from telling her now is the fear of her kicking my ass. Grow a set of balls, Jesse . I know the longer this drags out, I’m avoiding the inevitable. She’ll find out one way or another. The lies between us are getting thick. It was never supposed to be this way, but what can I do? Just blurt it all out?

Hey Kins, I’ve gotta talk to you about some stuff … So to start with, I’m in love with you and I have been ever since we were kids. And uh, the night before Kyle died he told me where he was going and told me to look after you. Oh and he thought your dad was still alive, I could’ve gone after him but I didn’t. There is also a car following you, Stanley thinks it’s connected to George Watson and that we should be careful. But, instead of telling you, Tanner and I have just been keeping tabs on you.

Now, that would go down well.

Placing my elbows on my knees, I drop my head into my hands. Lou-loo jumps up onto the couch beside me, nudging me with her head.

“Yeah girl,” I grumble as she nuzzles between my arms, forcing me to lift my head out of my hands and look at her. “I know. I’ve royally fucked this up.”

I ignored Kinsley’s phone call earlier today, but I replied to the group chat agreeing to the plans Tanner and I had already agreed on. Another rookie mistake. I should call her back, at least it will be one less thing she can grill me about.

Lou’s still snuggled up under my arm when Kinsley answer’s my FaceTime call.

“Hey, stranger,” she quips, answering the phone and propping it up on her dresser.

“Hey, sorry I missed your call earlier. I was —”

“Ignoring me?”

“I would never!” I place my hand on my chest, acting dramatically offended.

She rolls her eyes. “Okay well …” She lowers her tone slightly and glances over her shoulder. “I need to show you something in Kyle’s journal, maybe tomorrow you could come over?”

“Of course I can, whatever you need, Meadow.”

“Thanks, Jess. I’ll see you tonight?”

“Wouldn’t miss it.”

“Don’t you dare ask for no pineapple!” she shouts and I wink, ending the video call.

Lou wanders off, seemingly content after our chat with Kins. Leaning back, I prop my feet up on my desk crossing my ankles. Scrolling down a few names in my call log, I dial Mum’s number. I clear my throat, ready to leave her a funny voicemail, but she answers on the last ring.

“Jesse, my darling. Is everything okay?”

“Hey Mother Duck, can’t a boy call his mum without there being anything wrong?”

Her quiet chuckle spreads a warmth across my chest. “Of course you can, my boy. However, if I hear from you more than three times in the week, something is normally worrying you.”

“I’m okay, Mum, really. I just wanted to hear your voice.”

She pauses for a moment before continuing, “How’s that girl of ours?”

“She isn’t ours, mum,” I laugh. “We don’t own her — but Meadow is doing well. I’m catching up with her for pizza tonight.”

“Bring her over with you next time you come home; I miss her.”

We talk for a while, the whole time all I want is to be able to tell her everything. The secrets, the lies, the mess that I’ve made; she would be able to help me clean it all up. But, I keep it all to myself. She knows though, Mum can always see right through me.

* * *

Kinsley

Jesse nudges Sophie once the movie finishes. She’s fallen asleep — again. This is the second movie night we have had together,both times she has fallen asleep before the movie even gets half-way through. She is a bundle of energy but when she stops, she crashes.

“Wake up, Shorty. Let’s get you home.”

I watch their interaction with mixed feelings, more so curiosity than anything else. Even though I’m happily tucked up under Tanner’s arm, it’s still a strange feeling seeing Jesse with someone. She smiles sleepily at him, stretching as she rouses. She mumbles something and he laughs, offering his hand to her to help her up.

“Thanks for the pizza, Jess,” I yawn.

Jesse gives Tanner’s shoulder a squeeze and ruffles my hair as he rounds the couch. The couch which, mind you, stretches the length of the room. Tanner’s place is at least twice the size of mine; the theatre room alone is bigger than my kitchen and dining combined.

Sophie’s eyes find mine; she smiles and mouths ‘ love you ’ as they leave. I never thought I could form such a close bond with someone in such a short amount of time, but this girl right here, she’s family now.

We all are in a way, the four of us. I won’t deny that I can still feel tension in the air occasionally from Tanner towards Jesse, but I always make an effort to bring it up with him and ask if there was anything that may have made him feel uncomfortable. He really has nothing to worry about.

Sure, Jesse is my constant; my person, my voice of reason. But Tanner, he is my guiding light. He keeps me out of the darkness. When I have him near, my mind is above the mess in my subconscious. If only I could share that with him, I can’t though. Not yet. Not until I’ve buried all the ghosts of my past. Not when they’re still out there, ready to start haunting me. It’s not an if, but a when, and something tells me that day is coming.

Tanner takes the pizza boxes to the kitchen and I busy myself folding the throw blankets and placing them on the chaise of the couch. Even though I refuse to bare my heart to him until I am ready to go all in, I try to show him in every way possible what I’m too afraid to say. I hope he knows, I hope he can see me.

By the time I reach his bedroom, I can see the flicker of candlelight through the door into the ensuite. I smile as warmth spreads throughout my chest; a feeling I’m getting used to if I’m being honest. Before I can reach the door, my wrist is caught in a tight grip and I’m pulled backwards, my back quickly pressed against Tanner’s firm body.

“Like what you see in there Pip?” His hot breath against my neck sends sparks deep in my core.

“Mhmm”

“Well, you best be a good girl then. You know, so I can take care of you.”

“I’ll be whatever you want me to be Tanner.” I try to take a step forward, to lead us into the ensuite, but Tanner’s other arm wraps around my waist and holds me still.

“Slow down, we have all night. I’ll take care of you in there after I’ve taken care of you out here. Once your body is exhausted, when your legs can no longer hold you up and you’ve finished screaming my name.”

The warmth that started in my chest has travelled down throughout my body and has gathered between my thighs. I try to rub them together, desperate for friction but it’s not enough. Eagerly I lean back into Tanner, sinking further into his hold. I don’t think I need to hope anymore. He sees me.