Page 49

Chapter Forty-Eight

Kinsley

Tanner silently follows me into the bathroom. It’s been a long day, the buzz of the alcohol is wearing off and I need to get out of these clothes and into something more comfortable. Reading my mind, he gently begins to unzip my skirt. Wriggling my hips it falls to the floor as he sweeps my hair over my shoulders and I start unbuttoning my blouse.

“I know her.” Tanner exhales heavily.

“Who?” I ask, as he slips my blouse off my shoulders and unclasps my bra.

“Louise; I’ve seen her before. I just can’t place it.”

“As long as you don’t wake me up at 2am when it pops into your head, we’ll be fine.” I try to laugh it off, I don’t think I have any brain capacity left for emotions tonight.

He turns the water on and begins unbuttoning his shirt. “I’m serious, Kinsley. I have a gut feeling that I know her. I haven’t just seen her in passing. It’s not like that.” Running a hand through his hair, he leans against the basin. I step forward, his open shirt revealing the new addition to his tattooed chest. Gently, I place a kiss in its place and he wraps his arms around me. “I know we need to talk, but I need you, Pip.”

The room is steaming up from the running water; I take his hand and walk us backwards towards the shower, quickly stepping out of my underwear. I never stopped needing him.

* * *

“We are still missing one important detail,” Tanner interjects, both Dad and I turning our attention to him. “Who the fuck is George Watson?”

“Ah, now that is something I need to explain.” Dad shifts in his seat. “George Watson is a false identity I made up to try and keep you safe. I thought if I could just get you to back off a little —”

“ YOU threatened me? As a joke? I thought I was being stalked.” My jaw drops to the floor, and I narrow my eyes on him.

“It’s kind of genius.” Tanner smirks. Turning on him sharply, the back of my hand connects with his chest.

“Think about it, Pip. If you hadn’t been caught up with these threats, you would have gone in guns blazing all by yourself. Who knows what the outcome would have been.”

“They knew someone was onto them so it was only a matter of time until they found out who.” His voice drops lower, almost to a whisper, “— as soon as Laura killed herself, I knew you wouldn’t be safe anymore.”

Laura. It’s been so long since I have heard my mother’s name. My heart rate picks up, thundering in my chest. “Wh — wait. How would Mum being alive keep me safe? I didn’t even live with her, we barely had a relationship.”

He exhales a long breath, guilt written all over his face. “It was her.” His eyes look straight through me as he speaks. “She was in charge of it all. The drugs. The crime. Lance. She was the only thing that stood between them and you.”

Tanner straightens in his seat. Ignoring the bomb my dad just dropped about my mother, he asks, “Why would they want Kinsley?”

Dad scoffs, shaking his head in disgust. “Since the day she was born, people would stop and look at her, ‘oh she’s so pretty’ they would say, ‘look at her with those honey-coloured eyes’. ” He pins me with a haunted sense of emptiness. “I tried so hard to always tell you how smart and kind you were, I wanted you to know that there was more to you than the compliments you received from strangers, they were always focusing on how you looked.”

“They wanted to sell her?”

“I didn’t find any of this out until afterwards — I swear.” He shakes his head. “The way I overheard the men speak, they made it sound like Lance had been trying to convince Laura to hand Kinsley over since she was a toddler.” Dad pinches the bridge of his nose. “I still don’t know how Laura even knew Lance or how she got involved in all of this. Sounds awful to say it, but with all the shit I now know she was responsible for, I’m surprised she didn’t.”

He looks at me now, as bile rises up my throat at the thought of my own mother being involved in girls being sold for sex. I make a run for the kitchen sink; there goes this morning’s coffee.

Dad has spent the last two hours filling us in on the past fourteen years. My head is spinning with everything I am trying to process. The night he went missing, he believes Mum drugged his whiskey, and had one of Lance’s men come to take him. When he woke up, he was locked in what seemed to be a basement. Ironic how we both woke up to our worlds tipped upside down.

“What about Kyle?” Tanner directs his question to Dad as he holds my eye contact;I know he’s watching for any cracks to surface; knowing it’s the question I have been desperate to find an answer for all these years.

“Kyle came looking for me,” he sighs. “I caught a glimpse of them one night; him and Jesse. I knew they saw me but, dammit , I didn’t think he would come for me — he was so young. I can still hear his tortured voice; his screams — he fought so hard.” Dad stands and begins pacing the room. “I don’t know how long they beat him, but when they threw his limp body into the room they had me locked in, I knew he didn’t stand a chance. They left him there with me. They —” He drops to his knees, unable to string any more words together.

“It’s okay, Dad,” I soothe, kneeling down beside him. “There was nothing you could do.”

“She let them,” his voice getting louder; it has so much force I shuffle backwards. “She declined the autopsy and let it get swept under the carpet as a fucking hit and run!” Standing once again, he throws his arms in the air.

Tanner approaches with a short glass of amber liquid. Here, Warren, have a glass of whiskey, it’s not drugged this time. I shake off my inner thoughts that have no place here, why would I even think that right now?

Dad tips the liquid offering back in one go.

“Another?”

“No.” He shakes his head. “I think I might go for a walk to cool off.” His knuckles go white with the tension he’s holding onto the door handle with, “Meadow?” he says much more softly now.

“Yeah, Dad?”

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t express my frustrations that way.”

I run into his arms. He stumbles back a step; it takes him a moment to gather his wits about him to return the gesture. We stand there for a moment, arms wrapped around each other before I release him. With his eyes trained on me, he slips his hands into his pockets in a relaxed manner, we smile at each other before he pulls his brows together, glancing down. Out of his pocket he pulls a phone. Jesse’s phone .

“I — uh, here.” Dad passes me the phone. “I guess there is never going to be a right time to do this.” Glancing between Tanner and myself, he pauses before continuing, “He made me promise to get this to you if he didn’t — you know … He said something about a video.”

Tanner mumbles something under his breath and walks off out of the room. Tightening my grip on the phone I hold it to my chest. “Thank you.”

Placing the phone on the charger, I pop on a playlist for some background noise and pour myself a drink, a little heavy handed on the gin but surely it’s after twelve o’clock by now.

Two thick, tanned arms lock me against the kitchen island and I spin in a tight circle meeting the wall of muscle that is Tanner’s chest. “How are you even comfortable to sleep on at night?” I think out loud, which earns me a chuckle.

“We need to talk.” He cocks his head to the side, waiting on an answer to a question he didn’t ask.

“Sure.” I nod. “Let’s sit.” He leads us over to the couch and I place my drink down on the coffee table. Lifting my gaze, I slowly roam his features. Dark circles sit below his eyes; heavy and lost. His shoulders fall forward, unlike his usual stance; radiating confidence, so tall and broad. I don’t think I have really stopped to think how this would be affecting him.

“I’m sorry,” I begin to say, but he cuts me off.

“Kins, stop, you do not need to apologise. I just need to get this off my chest, I need you to hear me. Walking away from you was the hardest thing I have ever had to fucking do. Jesse was the only reason I didn’t refuse to leave; I knew he would do anything to protect you. He was the next best thing other than being here myself. But with Jesse gone, his protection isn’t an option anymore. I need you to promise me that you’ll never ask me to do that again — I won’t do it. I’ll never leave you.” He rubs the back of his head in contemplation. “I’d rather keep you locked up against your will, than let you push me away again.” I lift a brow, challenging him. The way his eyes are locked on mine should be intimidating; the serious tone in his voice hasn’t faltered and there isn’t even a hint of a smirk on his face — he’s serious. “I was always content with being the villain in your story, Pip.”

Tanner reaches out and I take his hand, climbing onto his lap. His hands go straight to my hips, keeping me steady. Holding his eye contact and allowing myself to get lost in his deep blue orbs, the seconds pass before I finally find the courage to whisper my truth. “I’m in love with you, Tanner Hayes.”

* * *

The next morning, I make my way into the kitchen, flicking on the coffee machine and popping on some gentle music for some background noise, before reaching for two mugs. Dad has already left; he’s gone to visit Marie and take Lou-loo for a play. My eyes drift to Jesse’s phone, still on the charger. Picking it up, I power it on.

“Want some company?” Tanner’s eyes stray to Jesse’s phone in my hands.

“That would be nice, but —”

Tanner silences me with a short and sweet peck to the lips. “Whatever Jesse says on there, and however that makes you feel —” he takes my hands in his, “—I’m not going anywhere, it won’t change anything for me.”

His reassurance is comforting because deep down, I am scared. I’m terrified. My head is a mess. All I know is, I loved Jesse in a way no one can ever compete with.

The song switches over to If I Would Have Known — Kyle Hume and we stand frozen for a moment.

“Should I turn this off? I know how music can, well —”

I butt in before he can call me out for playing music on the days I want to feel certain emotions. There is nothing wrong with a dance party to burn off your frustration or having a playlist for when you need a good cry.

I muster up half a smile. “Nah, let the song play.”

Taking my hand, we snuggle up on the couch. I take a big gulp of my drink and unlock Jesse’s phone, bringing up his videos. Sure enough, his bright green eyes are staring at me through the screen . With a shaky hand, I press my thumb to the play button.

“Hey, Meadow.”

A gasp leaves me with the sound of Jesse’s voice and I slap a hand over my mouth. Tanner’s arms tighten around me, keeping me grounded.

“I know you’re angry right now — fuck. I’m so fucking sorry.

I need you to know that I’m doing this for you; we are doing this for you. Kyle made a sacrifice, now it’s my turn. I need to go and finish what he started — I need to bring your dad home.

I want you to know that whatever happens, you are not alone. Kyle chose me and now I’m choosing Tanner.”

Tears well in my eyes and Tanner drops his head against my shoulder.

“It’s always been you for me, Kinsley, and it’s one of my biggest regrets not telling you sooner. But I made a promise to look after you, to be there for you and I would like to believe every decision I have made has had your best intentions in mind.

He pauses, ruffling his wild mousey blonde locks, a nervous habit I had come to love.

“When I get back, because I am coming back, please just don’t let Tanner hit me.”

Jesse’s laughter echoes through the phone as he speaks and I don’t know whether to join him or cry harder, a muffled sob comes out instead.

“This isn’t some declaration of love where I come home and try to sweep you off your feet. I don’t want anything to change between us. I just — I just couldn’t walk into the unknown without telling you how I feel. Please don’t ever forget. It’s always been you.”

He pauses for a moment taking in a shaky breath, and naturally, without thinking. I mimic him. So many times he sat in front of me counting breaths, bringing me back from the brink.

“— the only reason you’ll be seeing this is if something does happen and in that case, please just breathe for me. Right now, Meadow, look at me — breathe. I don’t know what waits on the other side but whatever it is and wherever I end up, I will spend my entire existence searching for you. I will find you again.”

The video ends and Jesse’s phone falls from my grip; the blanket we are wrapped up in swallows it, as I let all my weight sink back into Tanner’s hold. He doesn’t speak and I’m thankful. I have no words, no emotions, nothing.

I’m just numb.