Page 49

tyler

After our wedding in the summer, Halle and I decided to visit Boston. It was mostly so I could watch a few Red Sox games without fear of my teammates ragging on me. Halle wanted to see the city I'd grown up, and I finally felt ready to show it to her. Despite all the bad memories and craziness of my childhood, I couldn't deny that this was my origin story.

I wanted Halle to meet my coaches and their families. The people that had truly raised me were still so important in my life. I hadn't seen them in years. It was time for a visit.

We landed in the city at night. Hunter was already out, sleeping peacefully in his carrier. I collected our luggage while Halle carefully maneuvered him through the airport. The next day would be crammed with activities, and we needed to get some rest in before they came.

I rented a car from the agency at the airport, just like I always did when on vacation. I carefully loaded our things into the car while Halle strapped Hunter in. He was still asleep, thankfully.

As we drove, I pointed to the landmarks of my childhood. A church I'd been an altar boy in. The Catholic school I'd attended on the funds of my coaches. It was all directly in the middle of the city. My heart jumped with excitement when I caught sight of the familiar ice rink. Our hotel was right next to it. We could check in and relax for the night before heading out in morning for a busy day.

Halle looked a little tired, but her eyes lit up when I pointed out the rink. Her eyes flicked over the entrance to the arena.

"Oh, could you imagine if Hunter grew up and played hockey where you did?"

"It would be cool..." I faltered. "But I would take Chicago over Boston any time. I do like this city, but the memories are a little too rough a for me. It would be nice to raise him as Patriot and Red Sox fans, though." Halle made a face.

"You and your Boston sports. What's wrong with the Cubs and Bears? You like the Bulls...why not them?"

"I only like the Bulls because I wasn't a big basketball fan in my childhood...and Zach LaVine has proven to be a big Hawks fan...remember when we went to a game and he wanted a picture with me? Cool guy."

"Yeah...you didn't shut up about it for a week straight. You posted the picture on Instagram, remember?"

I smirked, shrugging. I maneuvered the car into a parking space. As Halle hoisted Hunter's car seat onto her hip, I grabbed the luggage. Between the diaper bag and both suitcases filled for a few days, I was slightly strained. I verbally complained.

"Jesus Halls. Did you need to pack this much? Your bag is like thirty pounds heavier than mine."

"Sorry." She made a face at me. "Try lugging around enough outfits to keep me looking interesting. And I packed all of Hunter's clothes in my bag. He has to look just as presentable."

She had a point. As Halle checked in, I piled our things onto a bell cart. When she returned to me with two room keys, we headed for the elevator. Hunter started to murmur in his carrier, bright eyes turning to look at me. I grinned down at him.

"Morning buddy." Halle laughed slightly.

"It's not morning Ty."

"He doesn't know that." Halle shrugged in response.

In our room, Halle set up the portable crib. Hunter settled down almost instantly. I had to hope it was for the night. We'd already be up an hour earlier than he was used to. That in itself was enough to be daunting. He might be cranky. Sleeping through the night would help me prepare for that. Although Halle would be dealing with him more than I was.

I relaxed on the bed as Halle washed her face. I folded the covers back so she could access the comfort of the bed better. I flipped onto my side, trying to find sleep. When Halle turned off the lights and crawled in next to me, I was finally able to drift off.

My alarm shook me out of a nice dream forcefully. I sat up out of habit, terrified for a minute that I was late for practice. When I realized where I was and what I was doing, I relaxed. Halle groaned.

"Time to get up?" As if to punctuate her sleepy question, Hunter started to cry. I quickly turned off the alarm, cursing quietly. Halle groaned again.

"You get ready. I'll take care of him."

She gave me a grateful look before disappearing into the bathroom. When she emerged, her hair was styled and she spotted a face of makeup. She was wearing a flowing white tank top and blue jeans. My eyebrows rose at the slight rips along the length of the legs.

"Mom jeans! You like them?" She twirled slightly. I handed Hunter over. I'd already dressed him. Hopefully Halle liked what I'd picked out. She held him out slightly, surveying the clothing. "Not bad. Not bad at all. Maybe you have more a fashion sense than I thought. Growing into your taste in clothes, eh?" I grinned in relief.

"All you, babe. I watch and learn." I kissed her cheek as a slid by into the bathroom. My routine was a lot less time-consuming. I smoothed my hair down with some water, ran a razor over my face, and brushed my teeth. In the time that Halle had been in here, I'd been able to dress myself and Hunter. After I left the bathroom, we were set to go.

Halle grabbed jackets for the three of us on the way out. We would be able to walk to the rink across the street, but the weather outside was sunny and bright. Wearing our coats over would be torture. I carried the diaper bag for Halle so she wasn't loaded down.

Once we'd reached the familiar glass doors, I tugged them open for Halle and Hunter. I took a moment to survey the lobby I knew so well. My gaze turned to the desk, where the same receptionist sat. She looked up, her face slacking for a moment.

"Could that be? Little Tyler? Come back from the pros after all these years!" She hurried out from behind the desk, grinning. I let her hug me, smiling slightly. When she pulled back, she studied Halle and Hunter. "And look at these two! So precious."

"Yep. It's me Mrs. Rosa. Is Oz here?"

"He's on the ice. Told me you were coming this week but didn't say when. You know him. So aloof."

"Awesome. Can you get us two pairs of skates?"

"Sure thing kiddo."

We followed her to the skate rental area, where she pulled down sets after we told her our sizes. I held Hunter while Halle put her skates on, then handed him off when she was done. We left his carrier and the diaper bag with our shoes, exchanging them for the jackets we'd brought. Halle handed Hunter to me again before she stood.

"You hold him, please. I'm way too shaky on my feet. You do this every day. It's literally your job." I shook my head, laughing. She shot me a glare.

"You're really not that bad. You've been to family skate enough times to have good balance. Don't discredit your skills, babe." Halle let out an exasperated sigh.

"Yeah yeah. Get on the ice."

"I'm going." I held Hunter a little tighter as I stepped onto the slick surface. At the other end of the rink, I could see a few figures. Each one was familiar to me, but only one held my attention. I waited until I'd reached the middle to call out.

"Oi, Ozzy!" The man turned, shaking his gray curls out of his face. He grinned, a smile that was missing a few teeth.

"Bleeding hell! Look at you!" He skated out. I shifted Hunter to my left arm so I could shake his hand.

"Hey Oz. Halle, this is my coach Oz. Ozzy, this is my wife Halle and my son Hunter." I motioned down at my son, who was looking at Halle. She'd joined my side, smiling up at Oz. He held his hand out to her now.

"Nice to meet the girl who finally got Tyler to settle down." He winked. "Kid was a bit of a wild card in his youth." Between the missing teeth and slight Russian accent, I knew his words weren't the easiest to understand. I'd been the brunt of many screamed curses in the language I didn't understand, particularly when I missed a shot or got jumped on the boards. Despite the slightly unpleasant memories, Oz had been the best coach I'd ever had. And the longest. He'd been by my side since my days in midget league as a twelve-year-old. He'd been my confidant, my scout, my agent, and my guardian. It had been Oz who had signed all my papers, Oz who had been at my side at the draft, and Oz who had been present when I signed my very first contract in the NHL. He was the biggest father figure I'd ever had. That was why I'd chosen his name as Hunter's middle name.'

We skated around, talking for a bit, taking pictures, and catching up. I hadn't visited Oz since my first year with Chicago, when we'd played in Boston. After that, I hadn't had the time to get here. Being able to see him and thank him was a relief.

By the end of our time at the rink, it was lunch time. We said our goodbyes and headed back across the street to get the car. I drove to a Panera Bread closer to the city, on Halle's request.

Halle and Hunter stayed in the car while I went in and ordered. I watched the screen, where my full name from my credit card was displayed. I impatiently tapped my foot on the ground, waiting for the bag of food.

"Tyler!" The worker finally called out. The woman beside me was looking up at the screen. I started to step forward when the woman promptly dropped her drink. I cursed as the water splattered my shoes. I turned to look at her, but froze mid movement. She was staring at me with green eyes. Her face was pale, as if she'd seen a ghost. I quickly handed her the cup, not meeting her eyes again. I grabbed the bag of food and turned for the door. If I was lucky, she wouldn't actually know who she was. Not like how I'd immediately recognized her.

I was just out the door when a hand grabbed onto my arm. I let out a curse again, shaking the grip off. I turned to face the woman.

"Tyler?"

"Wrong person."

"We both know that's not true."

"I don't know who you are." I started to turn again.

"Yes you do. I saw it in your face. Don't deny it."

"We're not having this conversation."

"Tyler?" I turned at the sweet voice. Halle was standing at the car, holding Hunter. "Is everything ok?" Her face was filled with concern, her eyes flicking between me and the woman.

"Yes. Just fine." I started for the car again.

"Tyler, I deserve to explain myself. Please. Just a few minutes." I was set on never looking back, but the look on Halle's face made me stop. I internally groaned. I could read what she was telling me. I didn't want to comply, but for her sake I would.

"Fine. Twenty minutes. That's it. And not inside. Out here." I pointed at the tables that were unoccupied by other customers.

Halle closed the car door, joining my side. She was holding Hunter close. I didn't overlook how she warily hung behind me, uncertain with the situation.

Once we were seated, I glared across the table at the woman. I waited for her to speak, reluctant to be here.

"Tyler...I have a lot of apologizing to do. I doubt you'll ever forgive me, but I can try." I scoffed, unable to hold back my emotions. Halle nudged me sharply from under the table. The woman's lip quivered, her eyes filling with tears. "I was a terrible mother...I know that now."

"Little too late, don't you think?"

"Absolutely, it is." She wrung her hands nervously. "I wasn't there for you and I should have been...it's just that you were so independent and confident by yourself. I couldn't bring myself to interfere with your life and mess it up."

"That's a messed up philosophy. I needed a mother."

"I know...I know. I was scared. I was so scared that you were going to hate me more than you already did." She furiously wiped at her eyes. "I can't take back how terrible of a person I was...but I've moved on. I've been following you. Everything you've done. You're really amazing." She tried to smile at me.

"Are you still a deadbeat? Still living with that stupid boyfriend who was better than me?"

"No. I went to business school. I work for State Street now. That's how I met my husband. We have two sons. They both play hockey." She offered weakly. I grew angry at her words.

"So you just moved on. Like that? Replaced me with a whole new family? Was I not a good enough son?"

"You were amazing. Too good. You were so skilled and so strong. I was weak and a coward. You were so much better than I could have hoped."

I sat back, crossing my arms. Hunter let out a gurgle, holding out his arms in my direction. I gently took him from Halle's arms, my expression softening. When I looked back up at my mother, her gaze was a mess of emotions.

"He's your son?"

"Yes."

"His name is Hunter." Halle spoke for the first time. She was smiling at the toddler affectionately. "I'm Halle, by the way. Tyler's wife." She offered a small smile at my mother.

"He's amazing. He has your eyes Tyler." I almost smiled.

"Must be crazy. Ignoring your son for eighteen years and then finding out you have a grandson." After a moment, I lapsed. "How old are your sons?"

"Seven and five."

"Are they any good at hockey yet?" I was genuinely interested. Was the hockey gene inherited like that?

"They're not you, that's for sure. They don't know they're related to you, but they still idolize you. Think you're the greatest player to grace the game. You're a real household name." Halle was smiling.

"Tyler, wouldn't it be great if you could meet your brothers?" She nudged me. I groaned silently. Of course Halle would bring that up. My mother grinned at me. I felt like I was being ganged up on. How could Halle expect me to face a whole new family? I should have been in that place. I should have had a loving mother a loving father.

"I'm sorry, but no. I can't do that. And don't try to convince me, ok? We're going to leave. All I ask is one thing. You tell those boys how much you love them. Every day. They might not want to hear it right now, but you tell them anyway. You show them just how much you care every day. With homemade lunches and after school snacks and showing up at every game. With amazing Christmas mornings and family-filled Thanksgivings. Give them everything I never had. Every goodnight kiss and every hug." I started to stand. Halle gave me a look. "Oh, and call Jan. She misses her daughter." I was a mess of emotions. Anger, betrayal, sadness, and confusion. It cluttered my mind and made me want to run away. The best I could do was retreat to the car with Halle by my side.

I waited until I was in the driver's seat to put my head in my hands. Halle's gentle touch found my shoulder, rubbing small circles.

"Why wasn't I good enough?" My words were low and stiff. Halle leaned her head against my shoulder.

"You are. You are my entire world. And Hunter's. You are the best human being I've ever met and nothing will ever change my mind on that. Just because she couldn't see who you are doesn't mean that you aren't enough. All you have to know is how strong you were and how hard you worked to get here. You were always better than her and you always will be. We both know it. Ok? Now let's put this behind us and let's go watch some baseball." I smiled.

"That sounds perfect."

Like always, Halle was my cool, calm, and collected confidante. She talked me down from being angry and blowing up. I'd be completely lost without my wife.

I didn't understand how she was so amazing. She'd planned a whole wedding, found a house, and more importantly raised our son all while I was entrenched in the season. I would never be able to grasp how strong of a person she was to do that mostly on her own. She'd been there for me through everything. She was everything I could ever ask for and a million times more.

She was the rational side of me. The side that knew what was right and knew what to do at all times. The side was so powerful as a mother and an amazing woman for Hunter to look up to.

And I would be completely lost and stuck in a gutter without her.