Page 48
Story: witness
Hunter was an amazing little bundle of joy that I loved with every fiber of my being. Tyler had to leave the day after we returned from the hospital, much to my dismay. My parents were there, and so were Hannah and Tayler. They helped me out for the first few days, but it wasn't the same as Tyler being there. I didn't get a wink of sleep until he finally returned home.
When Tyler came home from his two games, I relaxed. He came flying into the apartment with his bags, bringing the chill of the fall air. I was seated on the sofa, patting Hunter's small back over my shoulder. I turned at the sound of the door, grinning when I saw Tyler. His smile was even bigger than mine.
"There's my beautiful family. Look at you bud! I think you grew. He totally grew."
"Ty, you've only been gone for four days. I don't think he's grown that much." I shifted Hunter into my arms, cradling him carefully.
"Four days feels more like four weeks." Tyler dropped his bags and held his arms out. I handed the towel to him first, placing it over his shoulder.
"Remember you need to support his head." He started to give a snarky reply, but obviously thought better of it. I secretly thanked him for not putting me further on edge. I was so protective of everyone who held my son and Tyler snapping at me wouldn't have helped. I knew that Tyler was completely aware of how to properly hold an infant, but the overly cautious part of me needed to blurt out little instructions now and again. What if Tyler forgot and Hunter got hurt? It was never going to happen with my fiancé, but I still couldn't push the 'what if's' away.
Watching my two boys interact made all my apprehension dissipate. Tyler took a seat on the couch, ignoring the piles of laundry I'd been in the middle of folding. He held Hunter carefully, looking down at his son with a grin on his face. I took the opportunity of peace to tidy up the growing mess of the apartment. There were bottles that needed to be dried and spit-up towels that needed to be thrown into the washing machine. My own outfit desperately needed attention.
After I'd taken care of the dishes in the sink, I called out to Tyler. I was already on the threshold of the bedroom, counting on his response.
"Are you good with him for a little? I really need a shower."
"Yeah, of course."
"If you need anything just yell." I rubbed my face in an attempt to clear the sleepiness from my eyes. The lack of sleep was finally catching up. One look in the bathroom mirror told me just how worn down I appeared.
My hair was a stringy mess that hadn't been out of a bun in days. I had dark circles under my eyes and my skin looked paler than normal. My T-shirt had mysterious stains on it that I couldn't remember acquiring. I physically cringed at the rough image looking back at me. What had I been expecting? A smooth transition into motherhood that left me looking the same as I had before? Obviously that wasn't the case. Hopefully a shower would clear my head and rejuvenate my senses for a few hours.
I was in the middle of washing my hair when I heard Hunter begin to cry. I immediately froze, trying to figure out if it was his hungry cry, nap cry, or something else. Would Tyler know what to do? Did he know Hunter had just eaten and wouldn't need another bottle? Would be know it was almost nap time? I rushed to rinse my hair of the foamy shampoo, neglecting to shave my legs in the process.
By the time I'd bundled out of the bathroom in only a towel, the cries had stopped. I was still tense, cursing myself for lapsing my attention. When I found Tyler, gently cradling a snoozing Hunter, I relaxed. All my fears collapsed, leaving me strangely exhausted. I leaned heavily against the wall, smiling at the sight. Tyler turned to me slightly, smiling. I could read his expression too well.
What, didn't think I could handle that by myself? Give me some credit, Halle. I'm not helpless.
I knew I needed to relax. If I was this on edge all the time, I'd be completely burned out by the time Hunter turned one. I had to sit back and keep telling myself that Tyler was Hunter's father. He'd read the same books, been to the same classes. He knew what to do. He knew how to act. And I had to work with him. Like we'd promised. As a team.
By the time I put hunter down for bed, I'd been on my feet for hours. Despite Tyler's insisting that he could and should help, I had a lot of explaining to do. Four days of absence meant he'd missed my beginning establishments of a routine. I went through my dinner process, getting Hunter ready for bed, then finally trying to catch any amount of sleep before he woke me up again.
Tyler picked it up quickly, much to my relief. I got more sleep when he was able to take care of Hunter in the night, which improved both my mood and appearance drastically. When I woke up in the morning to find Hunter already taken care of and a fresh breakfast waiting for me, I felt like I was in heaven.
I was treated to three more wonderful mornings like that before Tyler went away again. I'd have to get used to watching every game on cable from that point onward. I wouldn't be able to go to home games for awhile. Not until we'd announced Hunter to the world. I didn't plan on doing that anytime soon. I liked my life without social media, for the time being. It was relaxing. No pressure from the fan base to look like the perfect blonde girlfriend. And no one making bland accusations on how generic and simple I was as a person. Too much stress to deal with at this point in my life. I was content to live without it for now. Eventually I'd put my account back up. Maybe in a month or two.
That was my mindset as the season progressed. I continued to lose sleep but I maintained the routine. When Tyler was home, I was always happier. Tyler's home games meant I got extra sleep and a surprise in the morning. I didn't have to hide how tired I was or how worn down I felt like I did with my friends. I knew Tayler and Aleks wouldn't actually judge me, but I felt like I was falling apart compared to Lyndsey. She was thriving as a new mom. Jamie was always perfectly dressed and always content. By April and the end of the regular season, Hunter was really showing his personality. Especially as he started to teeth and transition onto solid baby food.
I could tell he was going to be a handful. Half of the time, I wondered if Tyler had been similar when he was a baby. Had he looked like Hunter? Had his hair been the same light shade, then steadily began to transition to brown? Had his eyes been the exact same shade of greenish blue? So many questions I'd never have answered. I would've loved to see at least one baby picture of my fiancé.
Playoffs were a crazy push, just like the last two years. Between games, I was planning and calling various businesses for our wedding. Tyler had agreed to having the wedding in Toronto, just like my parents had been hoping for. He'd already promised me the venue, a stunning golf course by the lake that my dad and grandpa had gone to for years. I almost felt bad having the wedding in Toronto, but Tyler was more than enthusiastic to embrace the Canadian side of my family.
Aside from the venue, I'd already ordered my dress. Tayler had watched over Hunter's stroller diligently while I'd been fitted in the silky material. I'd set a color and fabric for my bridesmaids, but the style of dress was theirs to choose. And to my chagrin, each of them were keeping the styles complete secrets. Not even my maid of honor, recently betrothed, and go-to babysitter would tell me what her pick had been. No amount of pleading with Tayler had gotten her to budge. The four dresses would remain a surprise until the week of.
I'd had my bachelorette party back in March, which had proven to be a disastrous drunken affair. It was a fun night out with my fellow hockey wives but Tayler had gone off the rails with the planning. The amount of alcohol was staggering. The women that had attended the party were grateful for the drinks. I was less eager. I rarely enjoyed anything alcoholic as of late, sticking with light wine or fruity mixes.
Either way, by the end of the night I'd become drunk enough to satisfy Tayler and my other bridesmaids. I'd slept over at Aleks's while my mother watched Hunter for the night. Having my mother in town was a relief. But all things come to end and I was left by myself again. With playoffs in full swing and the race for the cup just as lively as the previous two seasons, I was worn completely thin.
Tyler was never home and Hunter was a handful at all times. I was split between house hunting and wedding planning. I knew that I wanted a house of the city. If that was going to happen, it was very likely that we would keep this apartment for when Tyler needed to sleep close to the rink. I had a tentative idea in my mind that we could rent the space out to one of Tyler's teammates. That way, when Tyler needed the space it wouldn't be uninhabited and dusty.
I scheduled two viewings of houses while Tyler was down in Dallas for the conference final. I would be home by the time the games started, so I didn't worry about missing anything. If I liked these houses, I would be bringing Tyler back to look at them with me. I had high hopes for both homes.
With Hunter in his car seat, I pulled into the first driveway. I'd picked the closer house first, right off route forty one. I knew my family would absolutely riot if they knew I'd just pulled through massive iron gates with the number 'twenty three' emblazoned on them.
I put Hunter in his stroller for the time being, hoping that the agent didn't mind me lugging him around. When I spotted the kind woman I'd talked to over the phone, she waved and grinned at me. I wheeled Hunter over excitedly.
"Good morning, Ms. Finch. I hope you had a nice drive."
"Not too much traffic today. Everyone's getting ready for tonight." The woman nodded enthusiastically. She knew who I was already. It was part of the reason I knew she'd try to completely win me over on this house.
"Good, good. Anyway, welcome to the Jordan Family Estate. Mr. Jordan sends his best wishes that you'll enjoy this house." I was flattered, but I didn't show it. The words of a basketball legend weren't going to win me over. Tyler might be a different story.
The real estate agent took me through the wide front doors, showing off the futuristic lighting and ornate wood paneling. We traversed through the various living rooms, all nine bedrooms and nineteen bathrooms, and the ridiculous other amenities that Michael Jordan had built into his house. A regulation sized basketball gym, a fitness room, and a cigar room. Before we went outside, the agent gestured down at Hunter.
"And as you already know, kids need lots of room to grow. This property is 56,000 square feet and features a pool. Mr. Jordan also installed a tennis court and putting green. I'm sure your fiancé enjoys golf, as most athletes do."
"It's a strange fixation." We both laughed. Hunter gurgled from his stroller, finally awake after snoozing for a bit. I smiled down at him. I liked this house, but it wasn't us. I couldn't see Hunter and his future siblings growing up here. I couldn't see them running around and having fun when they needed to be careful of a putting green. I wouldn't let the agent know I'd already crossed out the property just yet. She still had the next house to show me, which had been my favorite from the beginning.
The lakeside home was more north, in Lake Bluff. This showing wouldn't be as long. The Jordan estate dwarfed this home with its size, but I didn't mind. Six bedrooms was more manageable than nine. Not only were the rooms more sensible, but the price was less than half of the previous one. There were more reasons to place favorites with the second stoppage.
Situated in the trees up a winding driveway, I immediately fell in love with the house. It was hidden until you were rounding the driveway in front. Then the space opened into the clean white face of a stately home. Walking through the front door with Hunter on my hip felt like coming home. With each room, I fell more in love with the place. I could already imagine how I would decorate the space. I could see toys strewn across the ground, a hockey net in the backyard, summer barbecues, and late night campfires by the water. The rooms weren't too big and they weren't too far apart. There was space for a gym and an elegant pool. The garage wasn't over exaggerated and the design was simple. I'm sure the gleam in my eye was obvious to the agent.
I'd already settled on this house. Now, I had to make sure Tyler felt the same way about the place. I couldn't wait to show him the space. This was home.
the water, the sand, and the endless summer days.
Happiness is the bite of cold in a hockey rink. It's the the cloud of breath that escapes my lips. It's the hammer of my heart at the sound of skates. It's the sound of a goal horn, followed by a familiar song. It's the excitement of game day. And happiness is green eyes, floppy brown hair, and a goofy grin.
Happiness was a little boy with those same eyes and the same little smile. Happiness was laying down with the two people I adored most in the world. Happiness was the way I felt when I was around my family. Happiness was the look Tyler was giving me, and the emotion that bloomed in my chest.
I'd once decided that we were as different as the sun and the moon, hot and cold. I didn't think that way anymore. We were the same, him and I. We shared the same drive to care for our son. We shared the same amount of endless adoration for Hunter and each other. We were two sides of the same coin, or puck, if you will. We needed each other like the ocean needs the shore. We needed each other like the ice needs the cold. That was unmistakable.
I learned a lot on my wedding day. But most importantly, happiness was love. Love was happiness. And happiness was Tyler Dewalt.
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- Page 48 (Reading here)
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