Page 40

halle

Tyler's home game stint after the small Christmas break was a definite relief. He was home at night. I woke up to a warm presence at my side. I was grateful for the scheduling. With my friends back from their respective homes across the globe, I was able to spend time with them before classes started. Even when he went away, I still had my friends to lean on for company.

I invited Tayler and Aleks over for drinks three weeks after Christmas, even though I wasn't particularly in the mood for alcohol. Finally being able to purchase alcohol in the states was nice. Tyler and I had started our collection of bottles in the WineGame room.

My friend availability was limited lately. Lyndsey was now married, and had found out she was pregnant a bit before Thanksgiving. That limited her ability to hang out when we went for drinks. It wasn't long before Tayler and Aleks fell into the married category. Although I wouldn't mind being the obvious outlier, the other wives all had a different commitment and shared understanding. I'd noticed the differences when spending time with Britt and Kris.

They were wives, committed to their husbands in every way possible. Even if I felt that way with Tyler, I didn't have the legal bond to back me up. They understood what the other wives were going through. They'd been through the whole distanced relationship thing for years. Compared to them, I was new and completely inexperienced. Normally, that didn't bother me. But lately, when my friends were all engaged and planning weddings, I felt out of the loop.

Of course, I was part of the wedding planning for Tayler. It still didn't stop my feelings of restlessness. I planned to talk to Tayler and Alex about it over a glass of wine at my apartment.

I was grateful that the heavy snow storm from Christmas had mostly disappeared by January twelfth. It allowed easy access through the streets. When my friends arrived without issues, I was relieved.

Tayler was first, knocking excitedly on the door. I swung it open, grinning at the bubbly blonde. We embraced, the hug tight and comforting.

"We have not hung out as much as we should be. You totally should've come back to Toronto with me."

"I would've liked to...but Christmas on our own was so much better." She smirked at me, slapping at my arm.

"So the sex life is thriving then?" I just laughed and shook my head. While we were still standing near the door, Alex had arrived. I let her in before pulling the two to the WineGame room.

"Pick a bottle. I got cookies and ice cream too. I thought it's about time we caught up on The Bachelor." Tayler grinned.

"Oh yes absolutely. I've been waiting." As her and Alex picked a red bottle out, I returned to the kitchen. From the freezer, I dug out the carton of red velvet cheesecake ice cream. It was the favorite flavor of our group. I had no doubts that we'd finish it off tonight. I also grabbed the pack of Oreos that was sitting on the counter. Alex clapped her hands when she saw the food.

Half an hour later, we were well into the episode and more than halfway done with the ice cream carton. Tayler was currently watching me scarf down a cookie hungrily. She gave me a strange look. I made a face back.

"What?"

"You haven't touched your wine yet." I blinked, looking down at the glass on the coffee table. She was right. I shrugged.

"Not really in the mood for it."

"But you're ok with inhaling half the cookies on your own? Yeah, ok Halls. We all know you only go after junk food when you're tipsy. Did you drink before we came?"

"What? No. I just don't want any tonight. The thought is making me kinda nauseous, actually."

"Ok Halls. You do you. But if you're not gonna drink that, hand it over. I won't let it go to waste." She grinned at me. I used my toe to slide the glass over to where she was sitting.

"Go for it."

Alex stretched out, letting out a groan. She tilted over until she fell onto me.

"Sugar coma." Tayler nodded.

"So good but so bad." I shrugged. I was unaffected, strangely enough. Normally I was the first one to complain about sugar. Alex got to her feet slowly.

"Halle do you have any pads? I forgot to bring one."

"Oh, yeah. I should. Let me check." I went into the connected bathroom in our bedroom. I dug through the closet looking for the box of essentials. When I came across the cardboard container, I frowned. It was empty. As if to emphasize what I was seeing, I turned it over and shook it out. That was weird. Hadn't I needed its contents recently? To be honest, I actually couldn't remember the last time I'd been plagued by the monthly occurrence. That in itself wasn't entirely out of the ordinary.

I left that bathroom to look in the main one. There was nothing. I wrung my hands as I returned to the main room.

"I don't have anything. Sorry Lex."

"I have an extra." Tayler volunteered, already reaching for her purse. I relaxed, smiling apologetically at my friend. Tayler resurfaced from the ground, tossing the item at Alex.

"Why don't you have any Halls?"

"Ran out I guess?"

"You're normally pretty on top of that."

"I know...but I didn't get my period yet this month so I guess I didn't realize." I ignored Tayler's sharp look. "Oh stop. Not like that. I always miss. It's been happening since I was twelve it's fine. Plus I'm on the pill." Tayler relaxed.

"Ok. That's good. I don't think I could deal with you and Lyndsey at the same time." I laughed off the discomfort growing in my chest. It was nothing out of the ordinary, right? I'd gone for a few months at a time without a regular cycle. That's all it was. Irregularities in my body.

With Tayler and Alex staying the night, I couldn't actually voice my fears. Hadn't I just explained to Tayler that nothing was wrong? That everything was fine? I couldn't retract that. I knew it was just a little nagging idea in the back of my head. An unlikely fear.

I tried to focus on the remainder of the show, but it wasn't happening. Instead of being fully invested in the fates of random women, I blankly stared at the screen without comprehending. When the show ended, I straightened out on the couch for a long night of no sleep. My two friends had no problems drifting away. Probably the wine. I wasn't so lucky. I flipped from side, to back, to the other side. My eyes were glued to the ceiling for the majority of the time. I'd have bloodshot eyes before the morning came.

When the sky outside the window finally began to lighten, I felt terrible. The consequences of tiredness but being unable to fall asleep were severe. I'd be a zombie for the whole day.

Tayler didn't stir until around seven. I was already sitting up, scrolling through my phone. I looked at her with drooping eyelids. Tayler made a face at me.

"Jeez, I didn't snore that much, did I?"

"No you didn't snore at all." I chewed my lip. "Tayler I should've gotten my period two weeks ago. The week after Christmas. And I know it's not abnormal for me to miss but what if..." She read my fears.

"Hey, you're good. We've all been there. When Alex gets up we can go to the store and get some tests. Ok? They'll be negative and you'll be fine." She face me a sympathetic smile. "Seriously, I can remember every time I was late and got freaked." I smiled weakly back at her.

"Ok. Could you wake her now? I don't think I can deal with this stress anymore." Tayler leaned over to nudge Alex until she stirred. The darker haired girl groaned, flipping off Tayler. She mumbled something in her first language that neither of us could understand. Tayler shook her head.

"Say that in English, I dare you. Get up, we're going to the store." I retreated to my room to change while Alex woke up. I subconsciously studied my stomach in the mirror while I threw one of Tyler's sweatshirts on. Nothing visible. Obviously. Because I was just being paranoid. I snagged my winter jacket from the bed, stuffing my phone, wallet, and keys into the pocket.

I rejoined the two in the living room. Both were on their feet and ready to go. I gave them a watery smile. It was completely forced. Tayler reached for my hand and squeezed it comfortingly.

We left the apartment building and heading down the block to the convenience store. I headed for the medical section with the two women trailing me. I was almost shaking by now. I had no idea what to do. Stop freaking out, Halle.

"I don't know what to buy." My voice was small. Tayler patted my shoulder.

"I got you." She selected three packs of the same kind, then added another one to the pile. "The more the better. Just in case." I didn't like the sound of that.

The clerk looked disinterested as I checked out. I paid with my own card, preferring that the purchase remained out of Tyler's sight for the time being. I'd be better off without having to explain my paranoia.

Back in the apartment. Tayler helped me set the tests up. She gave me two to start, just to make sure. I disappeared into the bathroom so I could get the desired result. When I was done, I waited with my friends for them to develop. I was almost too scared to look.

"They should be ready Hals." Tayler was looking at the time. I groaned. Oh god. They were going to be negative. They had to be. I squeezed my eyes shut and leaned against the counter for a moment. When I opened them, Tayler's face made me blanch. I shakily head my hand out for the tests. She deposited them in my palm.

"Fuck." My knees buckled, almost sending me to the floor. I dropped both of the tests. They glared up at me with an evil eye. They both had the same results. Two lines. Positive.

"Hey, hey. You're ok." Tayler caught me, slightly. She helped me sink to the floor. I was started to hyperventilate.

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck! How? I didn't miss a day. I took the pill every fucking day. This can't be happening. Oh fuck." I was vaguely aware of Alex rubbing my back. I couldn't do anything but suck in desperate breaths and start to cry.

"Halle, relax. Breathe." Tayler pulled my face up to look her in the eyes. "Breathe, girl. You're ok." I shook my head violently.

"It's not. It's not. I can't do this. It'll ruin Tyler. It's gonna ruin me." My words were broke as they came between sobs. My crying increased as I thought of the severity of the situation. "Oh god. Oh god. Fuck."

"Halle you need to calm down. Please." Alex murmured from behind me. She wrapped her arms around me.

"I'm calling him." Tayler's words stopped me in my tracks. Out of shock, I relaxed.

"No! Please, not yet. Let me handle it first." Tayler squatted back down to my level.

"There's ways to handle this, if you really don't want it." I squeezed my eyes shut, already shaking my head. I knew what she was talking about.

"No. No. No. I couldn't do that. I just can't...it's a life Tay." She let out a breath.

"Ok good. It's just an option."

"Not the right one." The idea was too horrifying. I brought my hands up to cover my face. "This can't be fucking happening. This can't be fucking happening right now."

"How long do you think it's been?" Tayler was being completely practical right now. She'd taken charge the second I'd caved.

"We haven't had sex since Christmas." I spoke through my hands.

"So...around three weeks? Maybe longer?" I shrugged.

"You should make a doctors appointment." I groaned. I was so out of my comfort zone that every rational thought was gone.

"I can't tell Ty yet. But he'll know. He'll know somethings wrong. He always does."

"Then just say you're sick. Nothing serious but maybe contagious so he has to stay away. Tay and I can cover for you. Say we all have it and the boys have to leave us alone." I smiled up at Alex. Her proposition wasn't a bad idea. Tyler wouldn't be home for much in a few days anyway.

"Come on, let's get you up. We can get you some tea or something." I let Tayler pull me to my feet and out of the bathroom. She tucked me into my bed in a sitting position. While Alex was in the kitchen making tea, Tayler was already making plans.

"Ok, this is the maternity doctor that Chaunette and Kiki went to. Lyndsey uses her too. You should call now." My lip quivered. Tayler wouldn't budge.

"Halle, I know you're freaked out right now, but if you can't even call to make your appointments how can you expect to do this at all?" I knew she was right. The tough love attitude reminded me of Emily. I nodded, punching the number into my phone. It rang a few times before a receptionist picked up.

"Advanced Women's Health of Chicago, Dr. Kafali's office speaking."

"Hi, I'd like to make an appointment for pregnancy confirmation." My voice was shaky and higher than normal. I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, trying to compose myself. Tayler squeezed my hand.

"Name please?"

"Halle Finch." I spelled it for her. I listed the other information she asked for as well.

"Alright, Miss Finch, we have an opening tomorrow the fourteenth at noon. Or the seventeenth at noon, two, and three."

"Tomorrow at noon please." I looked to Tayler, who nodded encouragingly. I let my phone drop as the call ended. My head fell back against the bed board.

"I'll be there."

"So will I." Alex came in carefully balancing the mug of tea in her hands.

"Thank you. I definitely can't do it alone. But...neither of you can tell anyone. Not Dylan, not El. Ok? I need to talk to Tyler first and figure out what the hell is happening."

"We know. Lips are sealed." Tayler's compassion made me want to cry again. My smile wavered with the onslaught of emotions.

"Thank you."

"Oh please don't cry again. This time I'm going to cry." Tayler pouted at me. "Think of something gross. Ugly hairless little cat or something."

"They're not ugly!" I protested. Alex broke into a fit of giggles.

"If you like little aliens." I made a face at her.

"I don't like pets with hair. So yes, I guess I like aliens." Tayler patted my knee.

"At least they're cuter than those little hairless dogs with the tufts of hair. Now those things are terrifying."

Our light conversation continued. By staying on happy topics, Alex and Tayler were helping me to calm down. I was still exhausted from the night of no sleep and the energy I'd burned from crying. Tayler noticed how I was nodding off.

"We'll let you sleep. We're not going to leave. You need us, just call. We'll be in the living room. Ok?" I nodded, grateful I wouldn't be alone. There was no way I could handle anything on my own right now. Ironic how this was supposed to be the defining independent moment in my life. It felt like the exact opposite.

I felt like a scared kid who'd messed up. Like a stupid college student who hadn't been careful enough. I squeezed my eyes shut in a futile attempt to push the thoughts away. I did the only thing I could that would make me feel better. I pulled my phone out to text the love of my life.

I smiled at the screen. I hadn't been expecting so quick of a response. He must not have been in morning practice yet.

I hugged the phone to my chest. I didn't wait for his response. I was out before it came anyway. A light smile graced my lips as I slipped into sleep.

&&&

The next day, I was in the car by eleven. Tayler was driving my BMW, while Alex sat in the back. It was strange to think how a wine date with my girls had turned into a handful of positive pregnancy tests and a three day sleepover. And to top it all off, a visit to an obgyn. I felt the jitters long before we reached the office.

Tayler pulled into the parking garage after a short trip. She turned to face me.

"You have everything? Insurance?" I nodded, patting my purse. "Good. You really had to grow up in the past four hours, huh?" I nodded again.

"I always thought this would come in a way different way. Like. Four years down the road with Tyler at my side."

"Life throws curveballs. All the damn time." We walked into the office together. I was jittery when I walked up to the receptionist. She smiled at me kindly.

"I'm here for a twelve o'clock appointment. Halle Finch."

"Ok, ma'am. You can take a seat and fill this out for us. Return it before you go back." She handed me a clipboard with a packet attached. I took a pen from the cup on the desk.

After I'd filled out all my medical information, including insurance and every other little detail, I returned the board to the front desk. Before I sat back down, I was called back to a room. Tayler and Alex jumped up to join me. We followed the nurse down the hall and into a blue room.

It felt like a normal check up. She checked my breathing and blood pressure, asked when my last shots were. The only thing that set it apart was when she started to ask about my cycle and the pill. Then she had me do another pregnancy test by peeing in a cup. I didn't see the results of that, but I'd supplied the rest of the information the best I could. It wasn't nearly as embarrassing as I'd imagined it would have been when I was a teenager.

As soon as the nurse left, I was alone with my friends while we waited for the doctor. I nervously twirled the bracelet Tyler had gotten me for my twentieth birthday. It was a little fancy for the occasion, but it reminded me of him. A little part of him was with me right now.

I looked up as the door reopened. A kind looking woman with short blonde hair smiled at me.

"And you must be Halle." I nodded. "So I hear you think you're expecting?"

"Based on the five tests I took at home, yeah." She smiled again.

"Same results here. I'm just going to confirm with an ultrasound. It may be too early yet, but it never hurts to look. You said your last period was in November, correct?"

"Yes. I've been irregular for years though. I didn't think much of it."

"Alright we'll just check you out. Can you remove your shirt from your stomach please." I did so, my skin rising in goosebumps from the colder air. The gel Dr. Kafali applied didn't help. She wiggled the knob around against my skin for a minute. Then, the woman grinned at the screen.

"Oh Halls." Tayler breathed.

"Would you look at that? I'd say you're five weeks along already. Bit longer than you thought."

I let my head fall back. I stared blankly at the ceiling. So that was it. I was pregnant.

And life would never be the same.