Page 33 of When I Picture You

When Renee had texted that evening asking to grab a drink, Lola had been surprised. Her schedule and security concerns, along with the schedules and security concerns of her friends, seldom allowed for spur-of-the-moment plans. But Lola jumped at the chance. A drink with Renee would be so much more fun than finding convincing replies to Gloriana’s requests for progress on new music.

A waitress took their order: crab rangoon to split, a Mai Tai for Lola. Still making her final decision, Renee studied the cocktail menu. As she did, she absently ran her fingers past her ear and into the short, dark roots at the nape of her neck. Suddenly, Lola was imagining her own hand there, her lips pressed to the delicate skin. Lola swallowed hard as Renee chose a drink called Passion and Paradox.

Lola’s Mai Tai arrived in a tall glass, sunset-colored, with pineapple leaves and a cocktail umbrella sticking out of pebbled ice.

“Oh, gimme a taste,” Renee said, then winced. “Was that out of line? I keep forgetting you’re super famous now, not just Lo from next door.”

“Hey! I’m still Lo from next door.” Lola passed her drink to Renee. Renee’s red lipstick marked the straw. “Let me try yours.”

Renee’s coupe glass was full to the brim. As she edged it across the table, the orange liquid threatened to spill over the side. Lola dipped her head to the glass and slurped a taste.

Renee clicked her tongue. “They let you out of the house with manners like that?”

“Barely,” Lola said solemnly. She cut her eyes to Henry at the bar. “I have to be supervised at all times.”

Renee laughed and inched her drink back to her side of the table. “How do you think filming’s going?”

Several thoughts collided in Lola’s head: that the shoot was a disastrous distraction from songwriting; that without the distraction, she might have already given in to her demons and posted a screenshot note announcing her retirement; that sometimes, when the cameras were rolling, she felt like she was watching herself from behind them, rather than living in her own head; that the wordsIt’s going greatneeded to come out of her mouth.

She’d hesitated too long. Renee’s expression shifted subtly in understanding. There was no point in lying to her now.

“I can’t say I’m enjoying it, but don’t worry about me! I’ll manage,” Lola added with a bright smile.

“I’ll worry about you if I want.” Renee’s green eyes were so serious under furrowed brows.

Lola stopped smiling.

“You deserve to be comfortable on set—and it makes for better footage. Today went better, after some of the crew left, didn’t it? I’m going to keep things more minimal moving forward, especially when we’re in your space.”

“I’d appreciate that. Thank you.” The knot of tension in her chest felt a little looser.

“I always take care of my star,” Renee said with a wink.

“I thought I was your first star.”

“Well, at school I made a very moving short about a bodega cat in my neighborhood and I made sure she had tasty treats and pets.”

“Nice to know what I have to look forward to.” Lola had expected Renee to laugh, but instead her face had fallen. “Don’t tell me it ended badly for the cat.”

“No, the cat’s fine, as far as I know. I just get kind of down when I think about my work from grad school.”

“Why? The cat movie sounds adorable.”

Renee’s mouth pulled into a grimace. It took her a second to answer. “My brain just goes straight to all the feedback I got. The negative stuff—I don’t remember the positive comments at all.”

Lola leaned forward. “Hey, criticism can be really hard. It hurts. Especially at the beginning. Everyone says you need a thick skin but no one tells you how to get one.”

Renee softened a little. “Do you have any tips?”

“I mean, try writing four albums of hyper-personal songs about your love life and letting the public tear them apart.”

Renee snorted. “Hardly enough content there in my case.”

“Come on, I’m sure girls are all over you.” Lola fiddled with the tiny paper umbrella from her Mai Tai.

“Not to sound overconfident, but that’s not really the issue. It’s more that I’m not much of a relationship girl.”

“Maybe you haven’t met the right person.”