Page 19 of When I Picture You

“I’m not the person you’re looking for,” she said around the lump in her throat.

“This is a huge opportunity. I thought you’d be excited.”

“I don’t need any favors from you, Lo.”

“I’m not trying to do you any.” Lola’s eyebrows tightened. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but you weren’t my first choice. I’ve been calling people for days.”

Renee intended to hang up—to havealreadyhung up—but curiosity got the best of her. “Why?”

Lola huffed out a breath. “My team hired a director who’s totally off base. I just found out, but production’s down to the wire. If I can’t find someone else, I’ll have to work with him.”

“Who?”

“Chess Waterston.”

Renee’s mouth dropped open. “But he sucks! My friend Kadijah made me watch that documentary he did about Tatiana What’s-Her-Name, and it was just so … uncomfortable.”

“I know!” Lola brightened as she leaned closer to the camera. Renee was suddenly glad that Lola had insisted on a video call. “Of course, we’ll take care of the equipment and crew, and you’ll get paid.”

A paycheck that would make a real dent in her debt.

“The only thing is,” Lola added, “shooting starts next week.”

“Lo!”

“Streamy wants a cut by March.”

“March? It’s almost August!”

“That’s why I’m desperate! You are literally my last hope.”

“Wow, thanks for keeping me humble.”

“Don’t roll your eyes. This could launch your career.”

“I’ll think about it,” Renee said.

“Thank you.” Lola sighed with relief. “Don’t think too long. I need an answer by tomorrow. And Renee? This is strictly professional. It’s not—”

“Right, no, yeah!” Renee hurried to agree. “Exclusively professional.”

RENEE WALKED INTOZumba to find her mother running through her stretches. Deborah went to classes at the Fellows Community Centerreligiously. Renee preferred almost any other activity to cardio-dance set to a reggaeton beat, but Deborah paid for a monthly gym membership for Renee specifically so they could attend this class together. She hadn’t made a secret of the fact that she hoped Renee would spin that membership into her own gym-going routine, which would ultimately turn her whole life around.

Deborah knew something about turning her life around. Renee had always admired the way that her mother, abruptly thrust into single-parenthood, had worked her way up to principal of a local elementary school. But Deborah had never understood why Renee couldn’t justmake films, if that’s what she wanted to do. A few months off from school was one thing, in Deborah’s mind, but a year of waffling was something else.

Also, Deborah loved the Grigorian girls, so when Renee told her about Lola’s offer, her reaction was predictable.

“How sweet! Lola’s helping you get back on track,” Deborah said.

Renee yanked the knot in her shoelace tight. “Actually, I’d be doing her a favor. She said that. She needs a director, and I’m a director.”

“Okay, sweetie,” Deborah said, in a tone that meant she didn’t believe that any more than Renee did. “It’s wonderful that you’re going to help Lola.”

“I don’t think I’m going to do it,” Renee said, getting to her feet. “It’s not the right move for me.”

“Oh, Renee, really? At some point, you have to push yourself forward. If you keep waiting for everything to come together perfectly, you’ll end up stuck.”

“I’m not stuck,” said Renee, who was stuck. “I’m just not ready for a job like this.”