Page 123 of When I Picture You

“I’ve done nothing but try to make you happy,” Lola cried. “What else do you want from me?”

“Nothing.” Renee’s voice was suddenly flat. “Look, I’m going to stay at the hotel tonight.”

“Renee, no—stay, please. We can work this out.”

“I need to clear my head.” But Renee’s face was still and calm. There was a distance in her that Lola had never felt before, like she barely saw Lola standing right in front of her. It terrified her. “I’ll just grab some stuff so I can try to get some work done. See what I can salvage.”

Lola stood frozen at the bottom of the stairs while Renee went up, then came back down with her stuffed backpack. Lola grabbed for her. “Don’t go, please. I’ll do anything you want, absolutely anything.”

But Renee pulled her arm free. Her green eyes were cold. “What I want is for you to stop saying things like that.”

When Renee was gone, Lola sank to her knees on the marble floor and cried.

34

Deborah stood in the kitchen, staring at Renee with her mouth hanging open. Renee was fresh from the airport, her bags dropped in the living room.

“You quit the movie?” Deborah said.

“Iresigned from the film, Mom.”

“You only gave it four months.”

“It wasn’t the right project for me.”

Yesterday, Renee had left Lola’s, gone back to her hotel, and packed. Anything that belonged to production, she left behind. Whatever was still at Lola’s house, well, that was a loss, the rust-colored suit especially. Then she booked a flight home and spent her final hours in L.A. getting drunk in her room. She ignored her phone in favor of whatever was on TV until she fell asleep. The next morning, she cleared her notifications without even looking at them. At the airport, she’d fired off an email to Micah, Gloriana, and Lola officially resigning, and letting them know that everything she’d shot for them had been uploaded to production’s server. As her plane took off, it was like drifting away from a dream that had gotten tedious. She was ready to wake up now.

Unfortunately, when that dream did end, Renee found herself in her mother’s house in Fellows, Michigan.

“Oh, Renee,” Deborah said in a freighted tone that managed to feel worse than her usual prodding. “Okay.”

Where was the encouraging lecture, the well-meant but vaguely insulting professional advice?

“Okay?What does that mean?”

Deborah dried her hands on a Hanukkah dish towel. “It means, okay! If that’s what you want to do, okay. It’s your life, sweetie.”

Now it was Renee’s turn to stare.

Deborah continued, “If it’s not going to be film, something else needs to get you on your feet. I don’t want you living in my Airbnb for the rest of your life.”

“I don’t want that either!”

“Then we agree! Let’s give it one month, till New Year’s.”

“Give what one month?”

“Finding your own place to live. I love you like crazy, Ree-Ree, but I don’t want that love to hold you back. Free to fly means free to fall.”

ATPRINCE’S, THEwinter seasonal drinks were on the menu. Renee packed the grounds for an espresso shot with a little extra force. Kadijah had been promoted to Renee’s old position as shift manager, which meant that when Renee had begged for her job back, Kadijah had been the one hiring.

The machine spewed out a frothy espresso shot. Renee sloshed it into a cup, topped it off with steamed milk, then dropped it on the counter.

The customer looked at it skeptically. “Is this cow milk? I ordered oat.”

Kadijah slid down the bar from the register, a big customer-service smile on their face. “We’ll remake that right away.”

They grabbed a carton of oat milk and practically shoved it intoRenee’s chest. “That’s the fourth time this week, and it’s only Wednesday! What’s wrong with you?”