Page 129 of When I Picture You

Into something she needed for herself.

Lola looked around her studio at the relics of her life in music. Songwriting was who she was at her core. She wasn’t going to give that up.

She listened to “Starcrossed” again, setting sentiment aside to concentrate on what others would hear. She could change the lyrics, remove all the sapphic easter eggs—but no. The song was right as it was. So what if it sounded a little gay? Lolawasa little gay.

She replied to Ackerlund:Sorry I’ve been MIA. Personal stuff. But I’m back now. I’m sending Starcrossed to the label.

When Lola was starting out, her label had assigned her an A&R person to give direction on her sound and what songs to record and release, then he ran her music up the chain for approval. Now that Lola was a global star and one of the label’s top artists, Lola developed her songs herself. When tracks were ready to go, Gloriana sent them directly to Jamie Alexander, the label’s exec, for sign-off. Lola and Jamie had a good relationship—he usually let her do what she wanted, and she made him tons of money and hired his niece, Cassidy, as her assistant.

Before she could change her mind, Lola texted Gloriana on the iPad:Can you send the final version of Starcrossed to Jamie?She added a link to the file and hit send.

Immediately, an incoming call appeared on the iPad.

“Hi, honey, how are you feeling?” Gloriana trilled. Lola could hear sounds of the highway in the background. “Let me send a facialist over for a little pampering.”

“No, thank you. I’m doing a little better. Tatiana was just here and—”

“That’s fantastic,” Gloriana cut in. “Listen, about the song. I can buy you more time, you don’t have to rush into anything.”

“I haven’t released new music in almost two years. It’s hardly rushing.”

“I’m looking out for you, honey. You’re so fragile and I know this song is about Renee.”

“I’m not that fragile,” Lola said, a little annoyed. “It’s just a song. A great song. And I want to play it for Jamie, okay?”

“Absolutely. Will do. While I have you, there is some business about the film. I’ve reached out to Chess Waterston’s people and he’s willing to step in.”

Lola’s stomach turned at the thought of a camera tailing her again, this time with Chess Waterston’s fedora behind it. Gloriana and the rest of the team wanted this film to happen so badly, but what had Tatiana said? To get what she wanted, Lola had to stop putting everyone else first.

“No,” she heard herself say.

“No?”

“I was clear that I don’t want to work with him—”

Gloriana huffed. “Is there another childhood acquaintance you’d like to dig up to make the film? This is urgent. We need—”

“I said no,” Lola said decisively. “You know what? I think it’s best to put the film on hold.”

“Onhold?”

“Like you said, I’m so fragile,” Lola said.

“We’ve gone over this, Lola. We have an obligation to Streamy.”

“Either the film’s on hold, or I’ll pay to break the contract.”

“You’llwhat?”

“If they want me, they’ll wait. That’s the only way I’m doing it.”

“Let me remind you that our objective here is to make sure that America remembers who Lola Gray is.”

Lola frowned, though Gloriana couldn’t see it. “When we release this song, they’ll remember.”

THE NEXT DAY, Lola padded into the kitchen while Cassidy was unloading groceries. At first, Cassidy went cautiously still, like Lola was a bird that might startle and fly away, then she held up a bag of fruit.

“I was going to bring you a smoothie, in case you’re low on micronutrients.”