Page 21

Summer Before Junior Year

“ I ’m here for the summer, so utilize me. You know I love to help with the horses,” I tell Cal across the breakfast nook.

“I know, sweetie, but I also want you to enjoy your break.” My stepdad smiles gently. It's taken quite a bit to get used to seeing him in that role, but there’s no better man to fill those shoes for both my mom and me.

“Trust me, riding horses is enjoying summer to me,” I tell him and take the last sip of my iced coffee.

“Okay, I know Mia is your girl, but can you take Johnny out and let him stir off some energy this week. Your mom and I have been riding Jolene and June in the afternoons, but Johnny hasn’t been getting as much attention, and he’s been temperamental about it lately too,” Cal chuckles.

“Like a typical man,” my mom playfully huffs.

“Perfect. Johnny boy can get all my extra attention this week,” I say, placing my breakfast plate in the sink and giving them each a kiss on the cheek before heading out.

My mom has made a good life here with Cal, and she’s genuinely happy. I’d be lying if I said I don’t carry around a small amount of unwarranted resentment for what I’ve given up, but at the end of the day, their happiness is proof that I made the right decision almost three years ago.

Anxiousness rumbles in my belly as I walk down to the barn, because I know all six feet four inches of that heart-breaking decision is down there.

The guy I can’t seem to get over, no matter how hard I try.

When we do hang out, I try my best to put on a smile and act like everything is okay. Although deep down, all I do is yearn to feel his touch again.

That’s much harder when Cash’s on-and-off-again girlfriend—the bane of my existence—Tori Bateman is around.

Clearly, I love to torture myself, because I even drag my friends to their hockey games. The ice rink is the one place I allow myself to take in every inch of Cash, even though it still hurts so damn bad.

“What’s up?” he nods to me casually when I walk into the barn.

“Morning,” I respond calmly, not like my heart is beating out of my chest, as it always does when we’re alone and close to each other.

In desperate need of a distraction from Cash and all his cowboy hat glory, I greet Mia with a treat, like I do every morning when I’m home.

“We’ll get a ride in later, my girl,” I whisper, giving her a kiss on the side of her face.

Walking over to the saddles, I grab mine and head to Johnny’s stall.

“You’re riding him?” Cash questions, his eyebrows pinched as he brushes Dom.

“Yep, your dad said he’s been a little ornery lately because he hasn’t been getting attention.”

“I can ride him,” he says, placing the brush back in Dom’s basket.

I wave him off. “No, I got it. I want to help.”

“Suit yourself,” Cash grumbles and turns back to his horse.

Johnny kicks his door when I don’t greet him fast enough for his liking. “Hey, big boy, I heard you need some extra loving. Wanna go for a ride?”

He whinnies at the attention.

“Okay, okay.” I rub his back before putting his saddle on.

Once we’re both ready to go, I take him to the arena to warm up before letting him run in the fields.

Cash and Dom join us a few minutes later. It isn’t lost on me that Cash would typically go straight to the fields or trails with Dom, but instead, he’s out here with me.

I’m not sure what to make of that…or him anymore.

There are times when I think his eyes linger on me a little longer than usual, but the fantasy is quickly replaced by his girlfriend walking up and attaching herself to him like a second skin.

Johnny and I walk around the coral. I notice he seems to want to trot, even when I’m not leading him to.

“I think he’s ready to run free. I’m going to take him out,” I call out to Cash.

“Okay, Dom and I will ride out with y’all,” he says, hopping down and opening the gate.

We haven’t ridden around the property together, just us two, since that summer. Butterflies swarm my insides at the thought. I shouldn’t let myself feel that excitement when it comes to Cash, but I do, if only for a few minutes.

Tapping my heels into Johnny, I pull the reins toward the gate Dom just walked through.

But in the blink of an eye, something stirs Johnny, and he rears up.

Unprepared, my body flings back, and my grip slips.

Before I know it, I’m headed toward the dirt, instinctively trying to slow my fall with my hand, but unfortunately, it doesn’t help, and my head and back hit the ground.

In an instant, Cash is there on the ground with me. “Bellamy. Bellamy, fuck. Are you alright?”

I try to take a breath, struggling to after the hard thud to the ground knocked the air out of my lungs.

Cash’s hands cup my cheeks, drawing my attention to his eyes. “Bella, breathe, baby. Breathe.”

I find the gold swimming in his brown gaze and let the tenderness of his voice calm me like it used to.

When I finally inhale a solid breath, the pain hits me, and I immediately cradle my wrist to my chest. A cry I don’t recognize as my own rips through me from the shock of the searing, throbbing sensation.

“Stay still, it’s okay. I got you,” Cash tries soothing me, brushing the hair out of my face.

He digs his phone out of his pocket and presses a few buttons before putting it to his ear.

“Bellamy’s hurt. I need you to come down here and grab the horses. She needs to have her arm looked at.” His eyes don’t leave me as he talks, but I can only see him through the tears filling my eyes.

“Just get down here,” he barks back to whoever is on the other end of the phone.

Next thing I know, he’s scooping me up and carrying me to the house.

“What about the horses?” I ask shakily.

“Mav is coming. I’m more worried about you. You scared the shit out of me… I thought— I thought…” His voice trails off, then he says, “Hold your wrist still, okay? Does anything else hurt?”

My heart…from being in your arms.

“I’m okay. Thank you,” I whisper, feeling like I’m in a daze.

I just fell off a horse.

Cash is holding me.

I hit my head.

My wrist hurts like hell.

I didn’t get to ride through the fields with Cash.

The thoughts race through my mind as he jogs up the hill and our parents along with Mav meet us halfway, but Cash never sets me down. In fact, all night, he stays by my side at the hospital. Our parents sit right there with him.

Thankfully, my head is okay, but my wrist is broken, and I have a new green cast to prove it. But when I go home and lie down later that night, my heart is what hurts the most.

Today was like a cruel glimpse into the past. One where the guy I’m in love with comes to my rescue, cares for me, and holds me.

For the first time in a while, I can feel his presence through the other side of my bedroom wall, and my body aches to go to him.

But I don’t. I can’t. Even if I wanted to say screw what our parents think, screw what the world would think, he has Tori now…

One Month Later

Cash

Walking into the barn, I find Bellamy attempting to put the saddle on Mia, one-handed.

“You know you could ask for help with that?”

Her head quickly snaps up, surprise evident in her gaze. It’s been almost a month since her injury, her green cast still firmly in place.

“What are you doing here? How did you know I was down here?” she asks, defensiveness lacing her words.

Because whether you know it or not, I watch your every move.

“I didn’t know I needed permission.” I walk over and take the saddle from her non-injured hand, laying it on Mia’s back. She looks up at me, a stubborn expression pinching her brow that I find way too attractive.

“When do you get to take the cast off?” I ask, even though I know the answer.

“Hopefully in two more weeks, but I’m not waiting another day to ride,” she answers, the last part coming out with more bite.

I turn toward her and let myself stare at her beautiful face for a few seconds longer than I normally do. The memory of her fall is at the forefront of my mind. My heart felt like it was free-falling into space as I watched helplessly.

“I’m not trying to convince you otherwise. But it does look like you need some help. You know you aren’t going to be able to handle Mia as fast as you normally can take her, right? Your control won’t be there.”

Her good wrist flies to her hip in defense mode. “Yes, I get that, and no, before you suggest it, I don’t want to ride any of the other slower horses. Now, if you want to help me, saddle up and let's ride.”

“You’re more demanding than I remember,” I retort, my eyebrow quirking.

Surprisingly, her face softens with that. “Sorry, I’m just going stir crazy in that house, and I’m tired of being doted on, but I’m not an idiot, and I know this isn’t going to be easy for me, even when I have this cast off,” she says, waving her casted arm in the air.

That’s when I notice she has one signature on it, and there’s no denying the handwriting.

It’s giving… you cowgirled too hard.

Sorry, Amy

Love, Rick

I internally roll my eyes at my brother and point to the words. “Since Mav got to sign your cast, does that mean I get to, too?”

Bellamy eyes me curiously, a small smirk trying its best not to slip across her lips. “I didn’t know if you’d want to, but sure.”

She nods toward the junk cabinet in the barn, knowing we have pens and markers in there.

There’re so many things I want to say, most of which aren’t appropriate to put on her cast, but I know exactly what I’m going to write. A reference that’ll make her smile when she looks at it and something not just anyone would know.

I pick one of the many black Sharpies in the drawer and head back over to her. Gently, I take her cast in my hand and write my note.

When I’m done, Bellamy turns her arm so she can read the cast. “You’ll be back to a ten-second ride in no time.”

She smiles wide at my Fast & Furious reference and, fuck, I’ve missed being the one to put that smile on her face. My eyes don’t leave hers, and I can almost see the thought that must pop into her head, because her face shifts.

“Will you help me?” she whispers.

I nod easily. “Yeah, that’s why I’m here.”

She shakes her head, her face twisting sheepishly, so unlike her. “No, like, until I get back to myself…” Bellamy pauses, but I can tell she has more to say, so I don’t interrupt.

“Look, I know things between us have been…weird for a long time now, but there’s no one I trust more to give me guidance and just be a helping hand while I heal. I’m not asking for anything more than riding, but I understand if you don’t want to do that.”

It may be a slippery fucking slope of putting myself in situations alone with someone I still feel so much for, but I’d be lying if I said the thought doesn’t excite me. When I’m quiet for a moment too long, she starts again.

“That’s probably silly. I can ask your dad…”

I cut her off. “No, I want to help. We can start today.”

“And what about when we return to Mountain Ridge in a month for school?”

“Do you still plan to come home on Sundays and ride?”

I ask in regards to our unspoken agreement where she’s always had Sunday Mornings here at the ranch to herself during the school year.

She nods, biting the inside of her lip before answering, “Yes, I’d like to.”

“Okay then, that will be our day.”

Bellamy smiles, and I want more of those aimed my way again. Fuck, it feels good. “Hopefully by the end of fall, I’ll be back to myself, and you can have your Sundays back.”

I don’t want them back.

But instead, I say, “Alright, let’s get started.”