Page 18

Two Months Later

T he storm brewing outside my window has me on the edge of my bed, ready to break the silence and wall we’ve both put in place in regards to each other. The last two months have been hell but when it comes to protecting her I can’t seem to stop myself.

After the third streak of lightning, I’m out of my bedroom door and gently knocking on hers.

“Come in,” she says with a trembling voice.

The sight of Bellamy like this breaks my heart all over again. Even though I’ve been avoiding her since she ended things, she doesn’t look at all surprised to see me.

I walk over to her bed slowly, my actions as unsure as I feel about being this close to her. But she pulls her covers back, and I slip in beside her. Wrapping my arms around her, I find that she’s shaking like a leaf.

“Shhh, I’m here. It’ll pass soon,” I whisper.

She nods and sniffles. Has she been crying?

Fuck, I hate this.

We stay like that for several hours until the storm passes.

I must’ve dozed off, because when my eyes open again, I see Bellamy sitting up in her bed with tears in her eyes.

“You okay?”

She nods, wiping her cheeks. “Thank you, Cash.”

“Bella, I’m always here for you. No matter what.”

She shakes her head, letting another tear slip out. “I know, but you can’t…” Emotion chokes her up. “You can’t do this again. It’s not fair to you.”

I reach for her hand, and she lets me intertwine our pinkies. “I don’t care about that. All I care about is you.”

“I know, and that’s exactly why this isn’t good for either of us.”

“You were terrified before I came in,” I remind her, searching her expression. I hate this so much. I just want to be with her.

“I was, but now…” She pauses and shakes her head again. “Now, I’m going to deal with the aftermath of being in your arms for days, weeks, months…who knows. Just please, Cash. Promise, you won’t do it again. I’ll be okay.”

Pain slices through me. Even if I know she’s right, there’s a permanent hopelessness seeping into my body. I just want her to want me bad enough that nothing else matters.

I close my eyes, trying to compose myself and stand from her bed. “Okay.”

That’s all I can manage to say before walking out of her bedroom. Once again, leaving my heart behind.